


toes hoes and bros

by z0mb1ez



Series: chatfics that came from hell [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (c o u g h s maybesomeoihina c o u g h), (or is it of age bc the age of consent in japan is 13?), Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, And how, Aobajousai, Bara Iwaizumi Hajime, Bara arms am i rite, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Captain Ennoshita Chikara, Chatting & Messaging, Confused Kageyama Tobio, Datekougyou | Date Tech, Established Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Established Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Established Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Everybody is here, Fluff and Crack, Fukuroudani, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Inarizaki, Iwaizumi Hajime Tiddies, Johzenji, Karasuno, Kink Shaming, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, LMAO, Matchmaker Hanamaki Takahiro, Matchmaker Matsukawa Issei, Matchmaker Oikawa Tooru, Memes, Multi, Nekoma, Oikawa Tooru totallydoesn'thaveacrushonHinata ahahahaha what?, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PLS THIS WHOLE FIC IS CRACK DO NOT MIND THIS SHIT, Pining Hinata Shouyou, Pining Kuroo Tetsurou, Pining Oikawa Tooru, Post-Canon, Pretty Setter Squad, Protective Iwaizumi Hajime, Protective Ushijima Wakatoshi, Second Year Hinata Shouyou, Second Year Kageyama Tobio, Second Year Tsukishima Kei, Second Year Yamaguchi Tadashi, Shiratorizawa, Slow Burn Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio, Stoner Hanamaki Takahiro, Stoner Matsukawa Issei, Supportive Fukuroudani, Supportive Karasuno, THATS A TAG BAHAHAHA, Team Mom Sugawara Koushi, Team Mom Yaku Morisuke, Third Year Ennoshita Chikara, Trans Bokuto Koutarou, Trans Kageyama Tobio, Trans Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei is a Good Boyfriend, Ushijima Wakatoshi is a Good Boyfriend, Vice-Captain Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Wingman Oikawa Tooru, You Should Have Come to Shiratorizawa, and where, bokuto and kuroo have fucked once and you'll find out why, chatfic, im making that a tag on asahi's wig, iwaizumi is taller here. fight me, some people may be ooc but not that ooc, stomps foot, the ultimate groupchat my guy, third year tanaka ryuunosuke, well everybody i remember anna oup
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 35,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25148980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/z0mb1ez/pseuds/z0mb1ez
Summary: hinata shouyou has made the three by far biggest mistakes of his life1. inviting the volleygays into one groupchat2. putting bokuto, kuroo, matsukawa, and hanamaki into said groupchat3. also adding iwaizumi hajime into that same groupchathe will probably never have a good night's rest because they cannot shut up, and kageyama wont either.hinata shouyou regrets making this group chat
Relationships: (All are established except Iwakage), Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Amanai Kanoka/Michimiya Yui, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: chatfics that came from hell [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755292
Comments: 107
Kudos: 376





	1. hinata shouyou you have made a huge mistake

**Author's Note:**

> HEYY HEY HEYYYY!!
> 
> as you can see i deleted the last haikyuu groupchat i made. and that is because ive restarted it!! this is a completely new fic and its at least a little better, the relationships are more planned out, and i have lotsss of ideas for this fic!
> 
> (also for the readers of 'complications in class 79' a new chapter will be out soon!!)
> 
> love y'all and make sure to follow [my tumblr: kristoefurry <333 i have art over there!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kristoefurry/blog/kristoefurry)

_sho added 15+ people_

sho: hi!!

bigmak: 

papitomatsito:

bigmak: >:)

papitomatsito: >:)

_Iwaizumi left the chat_

_toeru added Iwaizumi_

_Iwaizumi left the chat_

_toeru added Iwaizumi_

_Iwaizumi left the chat_

toeru: what the fuck iwa-chan :(

kurhoe: chibi-chan you’ve made a mistake

tobio: yes, yes you have

mother: oh no

father daichi: Oh no.

ehnoshitah: maki :0 matsu :0

bigmak: SON

papitomatsito: ENNO

mother: ...son?

_tobio added Iwaizumi_

Iwaizumi: Jesus fuck.

tobio: using the lords name in vain is a sin

Iwaizumi: 

Iwaizumi: We dont believe in Jesus?

jesus: wow

jesus: i am right here

chronicdepression:

chronicdepression: i hate it here

tobio: who are you omg

tobio: W H O A R E Y O U

sho:

sho: im scared

sho: im really scared

yamayama: same

bitch:

bitch: Understandable

teruteru: this brings back...memories

tobio: deep fried

teruteru: shut up

kurhoe: ok ok fellas lets calm down

kurhoe: lets start with brief intros

kurhoe: im kuroo tetsurou nice to meet you

chronicdepression:

chronicdepression: kunimi akira, hi

tobio: _are you okay?????_

chronicdepression: i wish

tobio: jesus christ kunimi

jesus: im jesus christ

jesus: uh shit i meant asahi sorry

father daichi: You already know who I am.

mother: im kiyoko :)

teruteru: PRETTY MANAGER GIRL :DDD

rollingdepression: >:(

tobio: oh my god

daffodudes: im kiyoko’s husband, tanaka :)

mother:

mother: im dating yachi and michimiya

daffodudes:

daffodudes: im kiyoko’s _husband_ , _tanaka :)_

mother: thats my husband, tanaka :)

rollingdepression: kiyoko if you’re being held hostage sing fiesta salsa

mother: im alright

rollingdepression: b r o

daffodudes: >:)

toeru: who’s next?

toeru:

toeru: wait no

toeru: DO NOT SAY ANYTHING

toeru: I SEE YOU TYPING DO NOT

Ushijima: What’s this..?

Ushijima: Oh, and hi Oikawa. :)

toeru: chibi-chan why :(

Iwaizumi: LMAO

_bigmak changed the chat name to absolute chaos_

bigmak: shit is bout to get wildddd

bigmak: oh and im hanamaki takahiro btw

_papitomatsito changed their name to bigdaddymatsu_

bigdaddymatsu: matsukawa issei here :)

sho: shouyou hinata!! 

tobio: tobio kageyama

sugar: what the hell

sugar: why am i here?

father daichi: Because I love you.

father daichi: :)

sugar: awe :)

sugar: sugawara koushi, hello!! <3

Ushijima: I’m Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Iwaizumi: I’m

bigdaddymatsu: papito iwaizumi 

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: Iwaizumi Hajime

insomnia:

insomnia: uh kenma kozume

insomnia: there, happy now kuroo?

yamayama: yamagwucci tadashi

tobio: oh lord

toeru: im

tobio: nobody cares.

toeru: wow

toeru: im oikawa tooru

bitch: Tsukishima.

bitch: If you couldn’t tell.

sugar: obviously.

bitch: Slandered by my own mom.

yamayama: good.

sho:

sho: why is yamaguchi so like- confident over text?

yamayama: tsukki cant get me through the screen.

bitch: I can get you at your house though.

yamayama:

yamayama: thats fair

kurhoe: eyyy!! dont be a bitch tsukki :(

kurhoe: oh wait

brokuto: LMAO

kurhoe: BHAHAHAHAHAHAJLIKSNXOSX

bitch: 

bitch: Shut up.

Iwaizumi: Well, is that everyone?

yamayama: for reference, teruteru is terushima yuuji. from johzenji

teruteru: oh shit, sorry yeah

sho: are you guys like, matching names?

teruteru: we’re dating.

sho: o

bigmak: damn, so one relationship is already established

sugar: two

father daichi: Two.

bigmak:

bigmak: two

insomnia: eh, 3. akaashi wont join

insomnia: or is he already here?

agaasheh: im already here.

insomnia: ah

insomnia: hello :)

Iwaizumi: I think they’re going to turn this into a matchmaking chat.

Iwaizumi: Just a hunch though, y’know?

bigdaddymatsu: damn iwa, loosen up a bit. correct grammar???

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: fine

Iwaizumi: but dont do anything stupid or i’ll kill you.

bigmak: WOW

chronicdepression: i’d appreciate it

Iwaizumi: jesus

jesus: yeah?

tobio: SEIDCECIMXC<RCO<X

bitch: AHAHAHHAHAAAIMIDMIXCMIC

yamayama: oh shit, tsukki??? laughing???

toeru: glasses-kun, laughing? wow...

tobio: IM SOBBING RN

bitch: I’M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO PRACTICE THE SAME-

sho: oh my god what?

tobio: i

tobio: ukai is a furry i ca n ot

sho: HE’s a WH A T

Iwaizumi: LMAO WHAT

toeru: i choked what the fUCK

Ushijima: What’s a furry?

semitruck: tendou.

Ushijima: Oh.

Ushijima: I see.

tentoe: WOW SEMI

tobio: YOU GUYS

bitch: King and I were walking past Coach Ukai’s shop, and we just see a fucking fursuit doing the renegade right?

Iwaizumi: oh god-

tobio: we watch this person finish it off and they take off the fucking head

tobio: AND ITS COACH UKAI

bitch: And we’re just here, staring and trying to stay silent, but _King_ can’t do so.. and he just starts cackling. Coach Ukai looks us dead in the eyes and it’s like his soul left his body

tobio: WE RANNNNN LMAOOO

agaasheh: oh god... that seems.. chaotic

yamayama: BAHAHAHAIRMXIMIMXIMT$VIMTV

teruteru: LMAOOOOO

bigmak: owo!!!

bigdaddymatsu: uwu..

tobio:

tobio: what

bitch: No-

Iwaizumi: please stop.

toeru: ....

sho: ........................

_sho added Ukai Watch_

Ukai Watch: 

Ukai Watch: i cannot believe you saw that.

tobio: IM SORRY BUT WHY

toeru: whats your tiktok?

Iwaizumi: shittykawa.

toeru: im curious ok?

bigmak: you’re a furry too?

yamayama: tsukki arent you technically a furry?

bitch:

tobio:

Ukai Watch:

bitch: shut up, yamaguchi

yamayama: sorry tsukki

sho: stingyshima the furry. not surprised

Ushijima: I still don’t get this whole furry thing.

semitruck: all you need to know is that tendou is a furry.

tentoe: am not :(

bark: what the fuck?

inno: ew

bark: e w?

inno: ew.

bark: you’re ew.

inno: no YOU’RE ew kyoutani

bark: yahaba shut the fuck up you nasty ass rabies infected bitch

inno: me? rabies? you probably gave them to me. you carry rabies.

inno: nah nah, you _are_ rabies

tobio: sexual tension at its finest am i right lads?

kurhoe: yes yes

toeru: EW NO

toeru: thats my most precious kouhai

Iwaizumi: no, i’m a single mother. you _are_ one of the kids.

tobio: LMAO

inno: ah... he’s not wrong.. but i appreciate it oikawa-senpai!! ^^

bark: look at him... being all innocent... gross

inno: ew _dont_ look at me. i’ll get rabies

kurhoe: or you’ll get a

Iwaizumi: kuroo don’t finish that sentence if you cherish your life.

kurhoe: erection

kurhoe: fuck

leviackermen: can we get a you fucking weed dickler in the chat for kuroo

tobio: kuroo you fucking weed dickler

yACK: kuroo you fucking clown

yACK: dick weedler

yACK: fuck

yACK: uhm

leviackermen:

leviackermen: we’ll ignore that for now

bigdaddymatsu: yk i dont even want to know anymore names

bigmak: same dude

kurhoe: at least let me get.. let me get... one last bro smooch..

brokuto: BRO NO

kurhoe: _mwah_ bro.... love you... no homo tho

brokuto: BRO

brokuto: BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

chronicaldepression: i hate you guys

onion: we love you too the love of my life the apple of my eyes the most amazing man to ever slither his way into my life the

chronicaldepression: ok kindaichi i get it

tobio:

onion: shut up.

tobio: ok :(

sho: >:0

sugar: >:(

bigdaddymatsu: moving on, spill some embarrassing shit. go

Iwaizumi: once i walked in on shittykawa beating his dick so hard his desk broke.

toeru: THAT ISNT EVEN EMBARRASSING FOR YOU

tobio: LMAOOOO

sho: OIKAWA-SAN WHAT THE HECK

tobio: oikawa had a hajime hinata body pillow in his gym bag and it fell out once after practice. it made direct eye contact with me i stg.

toeru: WOWWWWW

Ushijima: Oikawa didn’t come to Shiratorizawa.

toeru:

toeru: shut up

Youkai Watch: i got caught dressed up as a furry...

yamayama: i had a minecraft youtube channel called: gameryamz YT

tobio: tsukishima saw me throw it back once

bitch: Not a bad thing.

rollingdepression: thats kinda...homo..guys...

bitch:

bitch: Did

bitch: Did the straggot say something?

rollingdepression: STRA

rollingdepression: I LIKE MY FAIR SHARE OF BOTH THANK U VERY MUCH

Iwaizumi: i had a weird obsession with evanescense during junior high

Iwaizumi: it was really bad

Iwaizumi: i know every lyric to bring me to life

tobio: i dressed up as ebony dark’ness dementia raven way for halloween during junior high

chronicaldepression: AHAHAHA I REMEMBER THATTTT I WENT AS DRACO IT WAS HILARIOUSSS BAHAHDAHDI

onion:

kurhoe: oooo someones jealous~~~

brokuto: oo~~

tobio: don’t worry turnip head, kunimi is yours.

onion: i have a name

sho: ARE WE GONNA IGNORE GAMERYAMZ YT I-

sugar: NO IVE BEEN LAUGHING AT IT FOR 10 MINUTES NOW AHHAHA

yamayama: sigh

yamayama: they found it

sugar: “Howdy ho, it’s your gamer guy, Gamer Yamz Y TEEEEEEEEEE, and today we will be going to the end-”

toeru: one time my mom found a cum filled sock in my room.

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: a _what?_

sho: A CUM SOCK

Ushijima: Actually don’t come to Shiratorizawa, thanks.

tobio: IM SCREAMING

bitch: HE-

sugar: IMIXIMXXIMVMIT%GXMX% SHUUT UPPPP IMSTI L LNOT O VER GAME RYAM Z YT OMG

jesus:

jesus: aha funny story.

jesus: when i was little, my moms and i watched this movie and they fell asleep so i got to see this sex scene. i was like 13 i think

jesus: so as a 13 year old im sitting here with a hard dick like wtf man what was that. and i get this genius idea. “genius” idea to go look for one of my momma’s mannequins. the adjustable ones. yes that fact is very important

rollingdepression: IVE HEARD THISSSS BEFOREEIMX$IMFIFXR

jesus: mind you my moms are still asleep. so i lay this poor mannequin down. pull my stupid ben ten pajama shorts down and whip out the good ol’ donger

tobio: DON G E R

jesus: and i thigh fuck this poor plastic mannequin.

jesus: my moms did come in eventually, but the most interesting part is

jesus: “Awe, frick yeah!! Get it bitch, like a good fuck huh? Fuckkk yeah!!”

toeru: i am at a loss for words

Iwaizumi: does that officially take the cake?

kurhoe: _no_

brokuto: _we have better_

tobio: damn it took you guys quite a bit.

kurhoe: we literally swore to never speak of this again. but since this is a competition now... we have to do it.

brokuto: ok so. we’re legal right?

brokuto: as sooooon as i became legal, some old friend of mine was like: “hey!! you should come work at this place for a bit yk? they pay quite a lot.”

brokuto: and damn i regretted it but i also didnt but thats irrelevant rn

brokuto: for reference this place is called “the glory donut” and it is NOT what u think

kurhoe: so fuck it i was bored and horny and yaku was like: “hey stop bothering me idgaf but like here’s some place u can go or whatever”

yACK: oh

yACK: THATS WHAT HAPPENEDD AHAHAAA

tobio: shush

brokuto: so they show me the ropes of this shit right and im like damn why am i here

brokuto: this place is FULL of rooms with glory holes. AND I MEAN _FULLLLLL_ OF THEM

sho: BOKUTO-SAN I-

brokuto: they tell me somebody showed up and that i should get in position

brokuto: and as you know, im trans so i honestly thought this was some straight fuckboy yk just saying

kurhoe: WOW

brokuto: so i get into position right?

brokuto: and as SOON as this dude talks im like: _“oh shit. thats KUROO”_

brokuto: and shit before i can say ANYTHING my manz is fucking chowing down

brokuto: i literally tried to not speak bc this shit would get hella awkward and i deadass tried to keep my sounds to myself but SHIT i could NOT. nice technique bro

kurhoe: thx bro

brokuto: np bro

kurhoe: anyway timeskip to after all that. i ask mr. juicy puss

tobio: MR JUICY PUSS IM SOBBING

kurhoe: can i finish please?

tobio:

tobio: sorry

kurhoe: so i ask mr. juicy puss (who i thought was a ms.) for their number. and as sOON as they speak im like

kurhoe: damn, i just ate out and fucked my bestfriend

kurhoe: and so i go, “bokuto?”

brokuto: and i go, “oh ahaha, hey kuroo..didnt uh... feel you there?”

kurhoe: and then we just start awkwardly laughing. 

tobio: oh my godddd

sho: i thought i was dense

Iwaizumi: just- just take it. i lost my appetite

jesus: WOW

jesus: IM SOBBING WHAT THE HELL

toeru: if only.... ahem iwa-chan ahem

Iwaizumi: no.

bigmak: the king has spoken and he said: no.

toeru: WOW, so know _he’s_ the king?

tobio: why are you so surprised?

toeru: shut up tobio-chan!!

tobio: no u

sho: um 

sho: guys

toeru: NO U

tobio: NO Y O U

toeru: NO FUCKING YOU

tobio: yeah dont fuck me thats disgusting

toeru:

toeru: u BITCH

sho: GUYS

tobio:

toeru:

sho: where did kuroo and bokuto-san go?

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: good point, where are they?

tobio: kuroo-san?

toeru: ok so he gets an honorific and i dont?

tobio: yeah. i like kuroo-san more than you.

toeru: WOW

brokuto: im back and i got this 

brokuto: oya?

kurhoe: :0

kurhoe: oya oya?

brokuto: bro!

brokuto: we won!!

kurhoe: of course we did!!

agaasheh: You two are the definition of embarrassing.

brokuto: ...

brokuto: ..thanks..?

  
  
  



	2. kidnapping with consent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yamayama: yeah its not kidnapping if he consents
> 
> bigmak: “oh yeah sure why not go ahead and kidnap me! dont worry ill tell the cops i consented :)”
> 
> bigdaddymatsu: “no no! dont arrest him!!! he kidnapped with consent!”
> 
> yamayama: thanks guys
> 
> yamayama: thanks for fucking nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this is terrible, oh and to keep up with some of the less obvious names
> 
> chronicdepression is kunimi
> 
> insomnia is kenma
> 
> rollingdepression is noya
> 
> daffodudes is tanaka
> 
> onion is kindaichi, 
> 
> still confused? please let me know!!
> 
> love y'all and make sure to follow [my tumblr: kristoefurry <333 i have art over there!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kristoefurry/blog/kristoefurry)

_ toe cult _

tobio: ok i know its like 2 am but hear me oyut

sho: oyut

sho: lmao

tobio: shut up

toeru: honestly bold of u to assume we ever went to sleep

sugar: for once he’s right

tobio: i wish u would sleep forever obama

tobio: anyway do you ever have these crazy revelations as you mess up your sleep schedule?

sho: ALL THE TIME

toeru: yeah pretty much

bitch: Yeah. 

sho: STINGYSHIMA!!!

bitch: Don’t spam so much, Toshi is asleep.

sho: we already knew you were whipped thx

toeru: EW, U MEAN USHIJIMA

toeru: GROSSSSSSSS

bitch: Shut up flat ass.

toeru:

bitch: Sorry, did I hit too close to home?

bitch: Wait shit, there isn’t anything to hit.

tobio: OUCH

tobio: THAT HURT ME

toeru: i hate yall

sho: yall

tobio: yall

Bitch: Yall

agaasheh: yall

ehnoshitah: yall

toeru: WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM

ehnoshitah: i have homework to finish sadly

ehnoshitah: dunno why i pushed it back so far but i did

agaasheh: same

toeru: how irresponsible

bigdaddymatsu: says you.

toeru: i dont even

bigmak: man that was such an INTENSE FUCKING

toeru: damnit

tobio: arent you guys into like bdsm

bigmak: what if we are?

tobio:

tobio: im not judging

bigmak: alrighty!

toeru: grumpy iwa-chan is kinda hot ngl

toeru: tired grumpy iwa-chan more specifically

tobio: why do we need to know?

toeru: just listen

toeru:  _ grumpiwa.wav _

bigmak: imma beat to that later

tobio:

sugar: ive always thought iwaizumi was attractive.

sho: yeah being honest. i think he made me gay

ehnoshitah: didnt he make us all gay?

sugar: no

sugar: daichi made me gay

toeru: iwa-chan made me straight

sho: cishet

toeru: thats so fucking offense what the hell

bitch: CISHET-

ehnoshitah: yo kages is hella silent

agaasheh: he’s processing it. give him a second.

tobio: what the  _ fuck _ .

toeru: has it sunk in

toeru: dont even think about it mattsun

bigdaddymatsu: :(

tobio:  _ WHAT THE FUCK _

sho: has what sunk in?

Iwaizumi:  _ go to sleep. _

toeru: ill silence your phone for you!!

Iwaizumi: no.

Iwaizumi: i cant even sleep anymore. fuck you guys.

agaasheh: sorry iwaizumi.

ehnoshitah: yeah ^

tobio:  _ HOLY FUCk _

tobio: i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh

tobio: hnwndciefc hnnngh what edueidn the ficimx s=fnnnng finsidwd ahhhsnnsnndned ahnnndneduncrc

tobio: jesus fuckkceocedod,xe--dim3emxnwwdx nhnwdicmc

toeru: it sunk in.

agaasheh: yep.

Iwaizumi: what did you guys do? 

toeru: we helped him of course, iwa-chan!! <3

Iwaizumi: </3

toeru: :(

sho: bakayama said he’s going to sleep

sho: he just started squeaking and squealing over the phone it scared me

toeru: as he should.

Iwaizumi: uhm.

sho: im going to bed too i guess.

sho: gn!!

sugar: night hinata!!

Iwaizumi: gn

ehnoshitah: oikawa

toeru: ?

ehnoshitah: help me with my homework

toeru: well then there goes any chance of us sleeping

ehnoshitah: periodt pooh

toeru: i hate you already

* * *

tobio: i feel like i got hit by a bus

sho: same

sugar: i dont think im gonna make it to classss

ehnoshitah: yeah im not showing up at practice today, i did not sleep one second last night

toeru: sorry iwa-chan, im ditching too. ennolittleshit kept me up all night. he was surprisingly more interesting than i initially thought.

agaasheh: i would say you guys are hopeless, but i did not sleep very well either.

insomnia: baby :(

agaasheh: im sorry kozu.. :(

daffodudes: bummer enno.. you should really get your homework done on time bro >:(

ehnoshitah: says you, hypocrite

daffodudes: oi i actually got some sleep yesterday

ehnoshitah: 

ehnoshitah: touché

rollingdepression: btw i read back and why was kages freaking out

tobio:

tobio: i actually dont know

agaasheh: are you serious.

toeru: you’re kidding

tobio: im so serious rn. i have no clue what the fuck i was screaming about

sho: i still dont know

toeru: ARE YOU

agaasheh: actually, lets leave it for now oikawa-san.

toeru: :( fine

Iwaizumi: why are you guys up so early what the hell?

toeru: bold of you to assume we ever went to sleep iwa-chan.

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: you’re hopeless.

agaasheh: sadly.

ehnoshitah: i got my hw done tho

tobio: wait, boke did we have homework

sho:

sho: did we?

bitch: You guys are idiots. I’ll help you before practice.

sho: ill send you the answers bakayama

tobio: that’s my best friend :D

bitch: :)

sho: ew what did you do to stingyshima who is this

bitch: King’s best friend, Tsukishima

tobio: yeah

yamayama: WOW

yamayama: IM NOT HERE NOOOOOO

bitch: I could never replace you Yamaguchi, King’s my  _ dumb  _ best friend. You’re my smart one :)

tobio: BITCH

Ushijima: Good morning.

toeru: shut up

bitch: What was that?

toeru: ?

bitch: I thought the single, flat ass said something.

toeru:

toeru: ahah i didnt.

Iwaizumi: LMAO THANK YOUUU

Ushijima: Ah, good morning Kei. <3

bitch: Morning Toshi, <3

sho: ew its so cute i hate it

tobio: why is the most salty bitch the most sweet boyfriend.

tobio: Ushiwaka give him up, I want him now

Ushijima: No.

tobio: bitch.

Iwaizumi: oikawa are you literally not coming to class?

toeru: i want to sleep iwa-chan

Iwaizumi: i mean it’s your fault for helping ennoshita.

ehnoshitah: are you calling me dumb?

Iwaizumi: maybe

ehnoshitah: you aren’t wrong

bigdaddymatsu: SUGA JUST RAN ONTO CAMPUS IN A SCHOOL GIRL OUTFIT

Iwaizumi: HUH?

sugar: WHERE’S TRASH’S ROOM?????????

tobio: BAHAHA SUGA-SANCIXIMXIRGIGR

bigmaki: LMAO WTF IS HAPPENING

Iwaizumi: WHAT THE FUCK

Iwaizumi: suga just showed up at oikawa and i’s dorm room, busted into oikawa’s room and i think he’s sitting on his desk

sho: HE DID IT

father daichi: SUGA!

toeru: i think im high, extremely high

bigmak: FOOT TO PP CONTACT I REPEAT FOOT TO PP CONTACT

Iwaizumi: WAIT

bigdaddymatsu: LMAOAOAOAOOA I ANIM%CI%MTX

bigmak: SUGAWARA KOUSHI U SLY MOTHERFUCKER

Iwaizumi: HE JUST KICKED OVER HIS CHAIRIXMIFXCMXIR

Iwaizumi: I THINK HE’S DEADDDDD OMG$RZMXO$X

Iwaizumi:  _ ripoikawafuckingtooru.jpg _

tobio: IM HOWLING 

bitch: LMAO

bigmak: WHAT DO WE DO 

bigdaddymatsu: IS HE BREATHING??

Iwaizumi:  _ oikawa’sfuckingdeadguys.mov _

tobio: DID SOMEBODY SAY LETS EAT HIM

sho: WHAT THE HECK SUGA

sugar: LMFAO

father daichi:  _ ko. _

sugar:

sho:

tobio:

tobio: man i really do hope you like being spanked suga-san.

Iwaizumi: THAT WAS UNCALLED FOr

bigdaddymatsu: i mean... ;)

bigmak: ;)

bark: i saw oikawa and dead and i showed up immediately

sho: LMAO

inno: ew

inno: oikawa-san can you get up now?

toeru: hey im oikawa tooru and im a fuckin idiot whoop dee doo look at me 

bigdaddymatsu: IWA

bigmak: BAHAH

Iwaizumi: it had to be done B)

tobio: never use that emoticon again.

Iwaizumi: no.

sho: are you guys like not gonna call the paramedics or something? grand king may or may not be dead right now. hopefully not but we’ll never know unless you dont call the hospital.

bigdaddymatsu: unfortunately, he is alive and breathing

bigmak: he hit his head and knocked himself out

Iwaizumi: pfft unfortunately.

tobio: i like how as soon as oikawa’s gone you guys decide to slander him.

Iwaizumi: oh no, we’ll slander him while he’s awake too :)

Iwaizumi: but  _ after  _ class, which i need to get to, so cya.

tobio: oh, alright.

sho: bye iwa!!

sugar: bye my favorite bitch

Iwaizumi: fuck you too suga.

sugar: <3

bigdaddymatsu: we dont have class till later so guess we’ll watch this DEAD BITCH.

bigmak: unfortunately.

sugar: look at that i think daichi is on the train to tokyo

sugar: looks like im getting spanked!! oh well!!

tobio: why did give you guys that idea.

bigdaddymatsu: you give us lots of ideas

tobio: im going to stop talking in this gc now thx

sho: kages no :(

tobio: no shut up boke im lurking now

bigmak: guys

bigdaddymatsu: the most unfortunate thing has occurred

sho: which is..?

sugar: ?

toeru: im awake~!!!

sho: im lurking now bye

toeru:: WOW CHIBI-CHAN

sugar: its ok bitch, im still here

toeru: that is so insulting

sugar: ok cishet

toeru: WOW

bigmak: CISHET

bigdaddymatsu: LMAOOOOO

toeru: i cannot believe iwa-chan just exploited me like that.

toeru: i look so ugly in that picture... hmph :(

tobio: you always look ugly

toeru: WOW TOBIO-CHAN

bigmak: he aint wrong

bigdaddymatsu: he spoke facts

onion: sorry oikawa-san but like i agree with kageyama for once

chronicdepression: we’re taking kageyama now karasuno

onion: ^

sugar: what noidxnp3dpxiiedpdxslx

bigmak: thank you sawamura for intervening. we will now initiate plan steal kages

bigdaddymatsu: who’s driving?

onion: we cant drive

chronicdepression: we cant drive.

bigmak:

bigdaddymatsu:

bigmak: i’ll 

bigdaddymatsu: say no more. im driving

chronicdepression: suddenly i dont want to carpool with them. oikawa-san, take us to karasuno.

toeru: i was gonna carpool with makki and mattsun.

onion: do you really wanna be in the back while hanamaki literally sucks matsukawa’s dick as he drives, and gets us into a car accident? which will either leave us unable to play volleyball or unable to indulge in the activity of living.

toeru:

toeru: great way to put it, looks like i wont be driving with them.

toeru: im not a good driver though, mattsun and iwaizumi are the only responsible drivers and mattsun cant even be responsible when his boyfriend is around. iwa-chan’s in class so

onion: we’ll WALk

chronicdepression: we’re walking to karasuno, sounds great.

tobio: or ennoshita can drive me over there.

ehnoshitah: i wouldn’t mind. im not coming to practice anyway, i might collapse

tobio: same, i’ll come willingly

chronicdepression: sweet

onion: rad

bigmak: lit

bigdaddymatsu: dope

tobio: i feel like i just went back to 2015

bigdaddymatsu: lol! XD

tobio: maybe i dont want to go

bigmak: we’ll come get you kageyama. no promises that matsu’s car wont smell like cum

bigdaddymatsu: ^

tobio: i’ll numb my senses

tobio: by knocking myself out

bigmak: thats fair

sho: what the heck

sho: and what happened to suga and daichi???? their kid is gonna get kidnapped

tobio: i said im willingly going you boke

yamayama: yeah its not kidnapping if he consents

bigmak: “oh yeah sure why not go ahead and kidnap me! dont worry ill tell the cops i consented :)”

bigdaddymatsu: “no no! dont arrest him!!! he kidnapped with consent!”

yamayama: thanks guys

yamayama: thanks for fucking nothing

bigmak: oh and we’re on our way kageyama B)

sho: suga is going to eat your kidney, you know that right?

bigmak: i have two for a reason

kurhoe: bold to assume suga wouldnt eat both

sho: and iwaizumi is going to rip your wigs off

bigmak: i have

sho: shut up

kurhoe: lmao

brokuto: bold to assume iwaizumi is just going to rip their wigs off

kurhoe: true bro

brokuto: ik bro

bitch: Why are you guys here.

kurhoe: TSUKKI

brokuto: TSUKKI POOH

bitch: Stop.

rollingdepression: bokuto....that’s kind of...homo..dude..

bitch: Cishet

rollingdepression: WOW

toeru: IKR

bitch: Also, you guys are coming to steal King?

bigmak: yeah

bigmak: mattsun is driving so its just me

onion: good

bigmak: but ill have to go for a little... if u know what imma do ;)

tobio: praying for you

onion: save travels

chronicdepression: what coffin do you want?

toeru: i can probably pay for your medical bills

bigmak: you all are so considerate!!! <3

bigmak: i have to go now. cyaaaaa!!

toeru: im going to throw up

tobio: i can hear them why can i hear them why can i hear them why can i

sho: rip kages

insomnia: oh god.

insomnia: and none of the responsible adults are here to stop them. responsible being akaashi, yaku, daichi, kai, and iwaizumi.

insomnia: all the others are fucking idiots.

kurhoe: IM RIGHT HERE

brokuto: :(

sho: i was gonna ask why suga-san isnt up there but i guess that self-explanatory. 

sho: aha

insomnia: yeah... pretty self-explanatory

agaasheh: sadly, i cant stop them either. we go to school quite far away from them.

agaasheh: plus, those are iwaizumi’s idiots. not my responsibility.

toeru: insulted by akaashi keiji. it hit different.

tobio: honestly tho

onion: ewww omg kageyama- youre gonna sit on cum i stg

tobio:

tobio: im sitting in the trunk

bigmak: bold of you to assume we havent fucked in the trunk

tobio: gross ok

toeru: iwa-chan is gonna be livid-

tobio: i hope he beats the shit out of you

kurhoe: damn ok violent

yACK: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GOING TO STEAL KAGEYAMA

bigmak: damnit.

jesus: oh, wait what please dont do that :(

jesus: suga and daichi are gonna be upset with me :((

sho: yeah guys! do we really wanna put asahi’s life at risk?

tobio:

tobio: im already on my way to their school tho

sho: KAGEYAMA

jesus: :(

bigmak: awe no now i feel bad

onion: sh sh sh dont worry about it ok. its gonna be a great surprise just do it ok? ok

bigmak: 

bigmak: surprise? i thought we were just stealing kages

tobio: dont call me that

toeru: you imbecile, get to the gc and read god.

chronicdepression: imbecile is a boomer word

toeru:

bigmak:

bigmak: LMAO

kai!!: what the  _ fuck  _ do you mean you stole kageyama?

bigmak: oh

kai!!: no no tell me what you mean please :)

kai!!: i want to hear your  _ genius  _ plan!! :D

toeru: how does he make that face so scary what the fuck-

leviackermen: YEAH GET THEM KAI

kai!!: or do you not have a genius plan because you’re all fucking idiots?

kai!!: please return kageyama before you get yourself tripped apart  _ limb  _ by  _ limb. _

bigmak: WE’RE TOO FAR GONE KAI

tobio: im sorry kai-san :(

tobio: but they didnt steal me, again. im going willingly

kai!!: you know suga’s going to be pissed right?

tobio: well they kidnapped with consent!!

yamayama: shut the fuck up i get it ok

teruteru: stop harassing my baby

yamayama: yeah im babey >:(

bigmak: thank you for your advice kai, but our lives are nearly always in danger :) we’ll be fine

toeru: yeah we always barely manage to escape yk?

toeru: we’re good at avoiding death

tobio: that is not a good thing oikawa-san.

toeru: u dont think i know that

sugar: ahahaaahaha

bigmak: rip us

onion: i want a mcdonalds themed coffin

toeru: tell my crush i’d like to get married to them

onion: crush?

chronicdepression: c r u s h?

bigmak: SUS

sugar:  **_bring back tobio. NOW_ **

tobio: they kidnapped with consent dont worry suga-san

yamayama: you want me to cry dont you

yamayama: i will cry you guys are terrible

sugar:

sugar: oh ok. but i dont think thats gonna stop iwaizumi...

tobio: i can tell

sugar: do you want me to come pick you up later?

tobio: mmm, maybe

sugar: alrighty! if you do, just call me ok? <3

tobio: ok mom :)

sho: AWE

sho: best mom award goes to suga-san!!

yACK:

kai!!:

sugar: >:)

agaasheh: i’ll have you know, sugawara.

agaasheh:  _ i will get that fucking award. _

agaasheh:  **_no matter what it takes_ **

kurhoe: jesus akaashi

brokuto: goddamn

sugar: wow

sugar: that was uncalled for

bigmak: we’re at the dorms and we’re gonna play video games with kages now

tobio: dont call me that

bigdaddymatsu: and i  _ didnt  _ crash so suck my dick bitches. >:)

onion:

chronicdepression

onion: you already have somebody to do that

bigdaddymatsu: k bye

tobio: LMAOOOO 

bigmak: well guess i have to go now too, and you too kageyama

tobio: yep, cya guys

toeru: NOT THE RIGHT TIME GUYS

toeru: P A N I C 

toeru: CODE I W A AA A

bigmak: WAIT WHAt

bigdaddymatsu: ALREADY

sugar: AAHAHAHA YES

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: i’m back?

toeru:

toeru: i hate you guys

tobio: its for the greater good oikawa-san

onion: yeah do it

toeru:

toeru: ugh

toeru: hey daddy, how was class~?

sugar: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING

Iwaizumi: uh- it was fine? i guess..

toeru: awee, thats great! you on your way?

Iwaizumi: i mean duh, unless you guys want me to get you something to eat  _ again _ .

toeru: mmm nah, i have food on the way actually?

Iwaizumi: oh deadass? 

toeru: yeah, you.

Iwaizumi:

sugar: i dont even know if i can say that was uncalled for.

sho: i thought they were dating.

tobio: they are?

tobio: why didnt anybody tell me what the hell

tobio: oikawa-san what the fuck

toeru: wait what

toeru: what are YOU talking about

bigdaddymatsu: i think we fucked up

bigmak: yk this was supposed to slow him down but i think he’s coming faster

sugar: oh fr? ;)

bigmak:

bigdaddymatsu: you dug your way into that one babe

bigmak: ok so yeah i think he’s running now. we should use oikawa as the door stop

tobio: good idea

toeru: what no

sugar: you guys are literally all next to each other

sho: they’re not dating?????

bitch: Wait what? Are we talking about Iwaizumi and Oikawa because there’s some tension.

sugar: sexual tension ;)

mother: you know they’re both in this group chat, right?

rollingdepression: QUEEN

daffodudes: KIYOKO

yui: no

yachi: no..

sho: cryptids spotted? 

sho: oh hey yachi :)

yachi: hey hinata!!

yamayama: AYEEE YACHIII

yachi: AYEEEEE YAMAGWUCCI

sho: i think they’re using oikawa as a doorstop

tobio: NO WE ARE  _ TRYING _ TO KEEP THE FUCKING DOOR CLOSED

sugar: BAHAHAHHAMIM

toeru: HE’S TRYING TO GET IN IM SOBBING

toeru: I REALLY DONT WANNA DIE RIGHT NOW

bigmak: MATSU I LOVE YOU IM SORRY

bigdaddymatsu: I LOVE YOU TOO BABE

tobio: HINATA I ATE YOUR DONUTS IM SORRY I LIKE CHOCOLATE OK

toeru: TOBIO-CHAN I SHOULD HAVE TAUGHT YOU HOW TO SERVE IM SORRRRY

sugar: LMAO THEYRE CONFESSINGGG

kurhoe: BAHHAHAHMAIMIIMC

brokuto: LMFAOOOO

sho: BAKAYAMAAAA

tobio: I ALSO HAD I CRUSH ON YOU IN OUR FIRST YEAR

tobio: I WAS DEALING WITH MORONSEXUALITY OK IMICXN$XIN

toeru: $RIR$NXIIRI$

bigmak: #RIN$RINTVTV%(TMX$

bigdaddymatsu: C$I$NIIXNI$

sugar: THEYRE FUCKING DEAD


	3. and so it begins...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kurhoe: ik ik youre gonna make me eat dog food again ok look i thought it would be funny
> 
> bitch: Wait..
> 
> bitch: Again???
> 
> bitch: AGAIN????
> 
> bitch: WHAT DO YOU MEAN AGAIN KUROO????
> 
> bitch: KUROO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some name clarification
> 
> semitruck: semi eita
> 
> tentoes: tendou satori!
> 
> wateri: watari shinji
> 
> inno: yahaba
> 
> bark: kyoutani
> 
> if i missed any, let me know!! 
> 
> love y'all and make sure to follow [my tumblr: kristoefurry <333 i have art over there!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kristoefurry/blog/kristoefurry)

_toe cult_

sho: i think they’re dead

tobio: iwaizumi-san is scolding them 

sugar: for what exactly?

tobio: for kidnapping me and giving him a hard-on in public

readyourtorra: WHAT

kurhoe: THAT IS SO UNCALLED FOR

kai!!: jesus christ you guys

sho: WHY DID I THINK OF THE MOST DISGUsTING THI NG

yamayama: SAMEEE OMGGG

rollingdepression: LMFAOOO IMAGINE

rollingdepression: tobio you sure that iwa’s just scolding them? ;)

tobio:

tobio: o

tobio: oh my _god_

tobio: YALL ARE DISGUSTING

tobio: BYE

sho: LMAOOOOOOO

yamayama: BAHAHAHAIWSM

sugar: they arent a poly?

sho:

yamayama:

readyourtorra:

kurhoe:

kurhoe: i mean...

brokuto: i can kind of see it...

kurhoe: SEe WhaT bR O

brokuto: S TO P

sugar: dudeeeee...

kurhoe: you tellin me this man is just scolding them while his dick is hard?

sho: PLEASEEE BAHSHDJQHAHAHA

sugar: NOOOOOOO

brokuto: IMAGINE HOW DISTRACTING THAT IS

kurhoe: NOT TO MENTION THAT

brokuto: IWA

kurhoe: IS

brokuto: PACKING

kurhoe: PACKING

readyourtorra: LMAO

leviackermen: thats kind of gross you guys :(

yACK: you’re gross

leviackermen: what did i ever do to you? :(

yACK: exist

leviackermen: can somebody please stop lev from being bullied i would appreciate it

kurhoe: no

brokuto: yes

kurhoe: dude...

tobio: thanks for nothing you useless homosapiens

tobio: and fyi but yeah he’s fuckin scolding them with a rock hard dick are u happy now

kurhoe: LMAO

brokuto: IM SHOUTING

semitruck: thats kind of gross

tentoeu: you’re kinda gross

semitruck: shut the fuck up furry

tentoeu: says you, keith kogane wannabe

kogayne: looks away and sweats nervously

semitruck: bitch we aint forget about you, voltron ass mf

babeyaone: >:(

semitruck: 

semitruck: im sorry aone :(

babeyaone: :)

sho: he’s so cute

sugar: my fragile heart

toeru: that was so distracting omg

bigmak: tobio you lucky but unlucky bitch

tobio: muahaha

tobio: you kidnapped me sooooo

bigdaddymatsu: WITH CONSENT

Iwaizumi: nope, don’t wanna hear it.

tobio: dont come near me or im jumping out the window iwaizumi-san

toeru: same

Iwaizumi: oh hey oikawa, want a hug?

toeru: WOW

bigdaddymatsu: STOP THAT RN 

bigmak: I AM SEEEEING THINGS I DONT WANT TO SEEEEE

tobio: im not coming back to this gc ever again thanks guys

bigmak: its funny how we always find a way to get tobes to leave

tobio: dont call me thatxif4fc

tobio: STOP GETTING CLOSER

tobio: YOU’RE MAKING ME _UNCOMFY_

Iwaizumi: wow, ok. i’ll be in my room.

toeru: 

toeru: STOP

toeru: JESUS CHRIST IM SCREAMING

bigmak: YES WE CAN HEAR

sugar: yall are so impure

sugar: you’re gonna ruin the innocent minds here

inno: YEAH >:(

gosh: what?

babeyaone: mhm.

sho: i love you aone

babeyaone: <3

sho: HE’S SO PRECIOUS YOU GUYS

sho: LOOK AT H I M

sho: DIDNNINI$INC$INC

babeyaone: <3

teruteru: im more babey tho

yamayama: thats a lie

teruteru: shhh :(

okaoka: uhhhh

cunt: WOW, YALL S U C K

okaoka: you suck too shiba.

cunt: WOWWWW

okaoka: this dick ;)

sho: woah now

yachi: woahhhh now

tobio: k that was a bit far

tobio: who taught you that chile?

yachi: CHILE-

okaoka: kuroo

insomnia: _bitch_

kurhoe: ik ik youre gonna make me eat dog food again ok look i thought it would be funny

bitch: Wait..

bitch: _Again???_

bitch: _AGAIN????_

bitch: WHAT DO YOU MEAN _AGAIN_ KUROO????

bitch: KUROO

cunt: AHAHAHAHAHAMWDMEDC

brokuto: WHAT

bitch: KUROO WHAT THE HELL

brokuto: KUBROO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN AGAIN

bitch: KENMA

insomnia:

kurhoe:

sho: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING

readyourtorra: IM SO SCARED IM SHAKING

readyourtorra: AGAIN???? 

sho: AGAINUNU$$CNIC

sugar: IM CRYING

okaoka: KUROO-SAN WHAT DO YOU MEAN AGAIN

agaasheh: _why is kenma feeding kuroo d o g f o o d_

agaasheh: _A G A I N_

yACK: GUys....

readyourtorra: YOU MADE YAKU AND AKAASHI cRY YOu GU ys

cunt: lmao yamamoto you’re crying too arent u

readyourtorra: an d so? crying is,,, manly,,

sugar: THEY ARENT RESPONDING GUYS

tobio: what the fuck

tobio: WHY IS KUROO-SAN EATING DOG FOOD

toeru: TETSU-CHAN

toeru: TETSU-CHANNNN COME BACK aND EXL\P,,La,, IN

toeru: SA,,y SI”/KE P LZ 

cunt: LMAOOO SAY SIKE I-

okaoka: he aint sayin sike

brokuto: HE AINT SAYING SIKE 

kurhoe: look its kinda good

sho: KINDA?

tobio: KINDA???? BITCH TF U MEAN _KINDA GOOD_

toeru: TONiO-CHANVRFEFIMXI

bigmak: TONIO-

bigdaddymatsu: TONIO-CHAN AHAHAAHA

Iwaizumi: you guys are _really_ annoying.

bigmak: we been knew

toeru: only for you daddy~ ;)

Iwaizumi: im leaving

tobio: STOP IT

tobio: SUGA COME TAKE ME HOME PWEASE

sugar: are you sure abt that? ;)

tobio: YOU TOO??

tobio: FUCK YALL IM WALKING

bigmak: yall

tobio: i will expose your kinks hanamaki dont get me fucking started

sugar: I FORGOT ABOUT TOBIO’S BLACKMAIL

tobio: still got it

Iwaizumi: KAGEYAMA’S _WHAT?_

_Iwaizumi left the chat_

bigmak: SUS IWA

bigdaddymatsu: SOOOO SUS

toeru: KAGES MAY KNOW SOMETHING WE DONT

tobio: surprisingly i dont have anything on iwaizumi-san and that is now my ultimate goal

bigmak: i feel like he’s into that real kinky shit like degradation dude

toeru: no no no you dumbass, i think iwa-chan has like a praise kink. and i can provide several reasons why.

bigdaddymatsu: you fools, its a daddy kink you absolute garbage bins... except makkibaby <3

bigmak: <3

toeru: woah

toeru: NO YALL

toeru: ITS ALL WRONG

toeru: iwa-chan OBVIOUSLY likes cunnilingus

tobio: for once you may be right

bigmak: FRRRR

bigdaddymatsu: OIKAWA YOU GENIUS

_sugar added Iwaizumi to the chat_

toeru: ugh thanks for nothing refreshing-kun.

tobio: wow mom, thanks.

bigmak: matsu dont do it

tobio: stop typing right now

toeru: we’re gonna get our asses whooped.

toeru: and dont be jealous refreshing-kun.. i understand completely 

sugar: shut ur fuck

kurhoe: aahaha....

insomnia: yo

tobio: so how was that dog food kuroo-san?

toeru: yeah, while we’re alive we might as well know

bigdaddymatsu: hey iwa, do you like the aspect of being ate out or being the one doing the eating out? like do you find your insides being licked and tasted hot and bothering or do you like feeling your tongue slipping into their warmth and listening to their moans and whines of pleasure as they tug your hair and beg for more? does it make you feel good when they push your head farther in between because of how needy and wet they are? do you like the taste? are you into that sort of thing? or do you like somebody calling you daddy? moaning it long and loud as you fuck them so hard they forget their own name?

bigmak: thanks for absolutely nothing matsu.

tobio: great.

toeru: i still dont know how dog food tastes.

toeru: damn

tobio: NO GET AWAYAVRI(*#*FVb5B%TVTUUTNVV

toeru: HE GOT TOBIO-CHAN

bigmak: he’s either gonna fuck him up, fuck him, or fuck his ass up

bigdaddymatsu: arent they all the same thing?

sugar: WHAT

bigmak: uh

bigdaddymatsu: ahaha just kidding, right?

sugar: _right?_

bigmak: yep!!

toeru: of course!! <3

sugar: good, bitch

toeru: wow

yACK: are we gonna ignore how oikawa called iwa daddy and he responded so nonchalantly

yACK: how did he know it was him? 

sho: DUDE

sho: YK YALL JUST IGNOREEEE ME

sho: ARENT THEY DATING????

leviackermen: are you short?

sho: im the tallest one HERE 

rollingdepression: he didnt lie...

leviackermen: and levi ackermen is 8 feet tall.

yACK: shut up lev

toeru: guys its so silent in there im so scared

bigmak: YOOOO TOBIO ARE YOU GOOD

bigdaddymatsu: do we break in?

tobio: i’m ok.

toeru: CORRECT PUNCTUATION??? IWA-CHAN

bigdaddymatsu: HOLY SHIT IS HE

bigmak: NOOOOOO HE ISNT SHUT UP

toeru: STOP STOP STOPPAOLDEKD

sugar: yall are so disgustingly nasty

tobio: honestly.

toeru: stop using proper punctuation its scary

bigmak: oikawa pick the lock 

toeru: and die? no thx

bigdaddymatsu: DO IT

bigmak: DO IT BITCH

toeru: THIS IS SO TH R EATN ENINH SROJAPPDOOD

toeru: fine >:(

tobio: suit yourself i guess, i said i was fine but alr

bigmak: THAT IS SO SUS KAGES STOP

toeru: IM SHAKING

sugar: DO IT OIKAWA I NEED TO KNOW IF I OWE DAICHI MONEY

bigdaddymatsu: ALREADY BETTING????

bigmak: i bet you 100yen that iwaizumi is eating him out

bigdaddymatsu: bet 

tobio: wtf you guys

tobio: he just let me play on his xbox he’s in the shower

bigdaddymatsu: WOAH 

bigdaddymatsu: AND HE LET YOU S T A Y?

tobio: it isnt the first time ive seen him naked or whatever. we went to junior high together.

toeru: thats fair

toeru: and yeah he didnt lie tobio-chan is just sitting on the floor

toeru: i can hear the shower running

tobio: iwa’s gonna kill you, you know that right?

bigdaddymatsu: i stg iwa is picking favorites now

bigmak: yeah... >:(

tobio: what?

toeru: THE SHOWER JUST TURNED OFF DO I STAY OR LEAVE-

bigdaddymatsu: NAH NAH STAY OIKAWA

bigmak: YEAH

tobio: rip oikawa

toeru:

tobio:

sugar: oop

father daichi: We’re breaking up Suga.

sugar: YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME MY MONEY DAICHI WE BET ON IT YOU CANNOT GET OUT OF THIS

father daichi: I’m pregnant?

sugar:

sugar: since when?

father daichi: UHHHH BYE I’M GETTING MILK.

sho: sigh, just like my biological dad :,)

sugar: jesus christ hinata

father daichi: Oh damn.

father daichi: You need to talk?

sho: he’s been gone for years, im alright :)

sugar:

father daichi: 

kurhoe: 

kurhoe: so um where did tobio and oikawa go?

toeru: _iwa-chan.jpg_

tobio: _wizjwjzjjwjzhhs.jpg_

kurhoe:

brokuto:

sugar:

yACK:

leviackermen:

kurhoe: WHY IS HE SO GOOD LOOKING GRRRRRRSUJXJWJZJWJXI

brokuto: YOU GOT HIM IN THE SUN AND EVERYTHING YOU GUYSJEJJXJSJXWLODKWKD

yACK: ACCEPT MY PROPOSALSLKDKEJDJ

sugar: me and daichi would like a poly iwa :)

leviackermen: uh no me bitches thats my man stfu

bigmak: lmao actually its oikawa’s

bigdaddymatsu: is it?

tobio: SKIXJWJXJWJS i thought it was?

toeru: iwa-chan’s mine?

tobio: how do YOU not know??

brokuto: I TOLD YALL HE WAS PACKING >:(

brokuto: DID I LIE????

kurhoe: FUCK NO NO YOU DIDNT

tobio: well if he’s not oikawa’s who owns iwaizumi-san?

bigmak: you called him iwa a couple of seconds ago tobio...u lookin kinda sus...

tobio: uh, it slipped? sorry

Iwaizumi: it’s alright kageyama. :)

tobio: HE CALLED ME KAGEYAMA

sho: ILAKKSWKZKS LMFAOOOSOIDKWS

toeru: BAHAHAAHHAHSJSJJZJSJDK

Iwaizumi: why is everybody in this group chat thirsting after me?

Iwaizumi: you guys have Ushiwaka in here.

Ushijima: I think it’s because you are not pursuing a romantic relationship, Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: what if i am?

tobio: oh

toeru: oh

Ushijima: Ah, congratulations then.

bitch: Wait, what? I thought you were with Oikawa?

toeru: why does everyone think that????

tobio: idk it seemed really obvious 

bitch: Yeah.

toeru: we aren’t, right?

Iwaizumi: definitely not. thats gross.

toeru: :(

tobio: lol

tobio: anyway im gonna keep playing minecraft

Iwaizumi: can i join you?

tobio: its your xbox, im not stopping you :)

Iwaizumi: :)

toeru: HE LOCKED US OUT AGAIN

bigmak: KAGES IS STEALING OURRRR IWA

bigdaddymatsu: WE HAD HIM FIRST

wateri: what the hell is wrong with you guys-

inno: im shook

bark: shut up yahaba.

inno: no u, rabies bitch

bark: I DO NOT HAVE RABIES

inno: HAVE YOU TESTED FOR IT??

inno: or do you CARRY ME

inno: I MEANT RABIES

inno: NOT CARRY ME, CARRY RABIES

bark: ...

_bark has left the chat_

inno: huh?

wateri: jesus christ kyoutani. 

_wateri has added bark_

wateri: talk, now. everybody shut the fuck up

toeru: damn ok

inno: wait no- OIKAWA-SENPAI DONT LEAVE ME HERE

inno: NO AYE

bark: i like you

inno: i

inno: i hate you

bark: i figured.

_bark has left the chat_

wateri: wow

wateri: that fucking sucked

Iwaizumi: god, that hurt me.

wateri: yahaba you idiot

inno: WHAT?

inno: no no what the hell was that?

wateri: oh my godddd i hate it here

tobio: lmao can relate ahaha

Iwaizumi: lookin’ at you shittykawa.

toeru: i still hate you tobio-chan.

tobio: i figured.

sho: looks like somebody _else_ needs to work out their relationship

inno: wait

inno: relationship?

wateri: YES YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER

inno: oh my _god_

inno: i gotta go

tobio: lucky

sho:

sho: kageyama? you alright?

tobio: i mean yeah i guess.

sho: bringing back some bad memories, huh?

tobio: no not really i just feel bad idk. i can relate completely to mad-dog chan or whatever and it hit in the feels i guess. i’ll be okay tho.

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: kageyama.

tobio: ?

Iwaizumi: no- tobio. put the phone down.

sho: oh shit

toeru: HE LOCKED US OUT WE CANNOT SEE THIS GO DOWN AH

bigmak: i dont think we should oikawa

bigdaddymatsu: as spicsee this seems yeah, this aint the time

toeru:

toeru: oh

* * *

Tobio set his phone down next to him and stared over at the brunette. A worried look etched on his face. As soft as the look was supposed to be, the intensity of his olive eyes made him visibly shudder.

“Is Junior High bothering you again?” the question was blunt, as he expected from the older male.

The blue-eyed boy gave a small, yet genuine, smile and simply shook his head. And truth be told, he wasn’t exactly lying. Junior High _wasn’t_ bothering him. Not that much anyway. It was more of the unrequitedness of his love for Tooru that bothered him. He always knew he’d never had a chance. Because Tooru Oikawa _hated_ his guts. For whatever reason it was, he could not stand him and it hurt Tobio so much. He _wanted_ Tooru to love him. He’s _wanted_ to be the one Tooru calls his. 

But it never happened.

He’s sure it never will.

Next thing he knows his throat feels dry and his eyes begin to sting. He didn’t even realize how tight his grip is on his pants. Was he seriously crying? It’s been over 5 years. He thought he’d come to accept that Tooru wasn’t his and that Tooru would _never_ be is.

Right?

He lets go off his pants, and his hands come up to feel his cheeks. They were warm, really warm.

Because there were hands already there. And a comforting warm breath fanning over his face. Was― _oh_.

Iwaizumi stared into Tobio’s eyes, the once flaring intensity had shriveled up into to a caring, kind gaze. He’d never seen Iwaizumi looking so, _so, so―_

“Tobio, please don’t cry... I don’t know what exactly you’re crying about but... but don’t.. please..” he whispered, thumbs gently rubbing away the tears. “It doesn’t look good on you. C’mon, whatever it is that’s bothering you isn’t worth it, ya’ hear me?” Iwaizumi assured, keeping direct eye contact with him.

Tobio was silent for a moment, before giving a small nod. Iwaizumi grinned, and rested his forehead against the latter’s, continuing to caress his cheeks. “Good, now give me a smile,” he urged.

Now, Tobio couldn’t help but crack a small smile, and― _oh_

This― this is nice.

Iwaizumi is nice.

That’s _not_ good.

* * *

Iwaizumi: kages fell asleep, he has a lot going on in that head of his. ill bring him back tomorrow suga, sorry.

sugar: ah, well im glad he told somebody. thank you iwaizumi :)

Iwaizumi: no problem!

toeru: WE GONNA IGNORE THE FACT THAT YALL ARE CUDDLING OR

  
  
  
  



	4. uwu thotty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> toeru: LMA AYE MIYA-CHAN LEAVE THAT KID ALONE OMG
> 
> toeru: HE’S CHASING A CHILD IM SCREAMING
> 
> toeru: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AHAHAA
> 
> mr. clean: ATSUMU IS ATTEMPTING TO STEAL A CHILD
> 
> mr. clean: ATSUMSU#NUUFCU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in today's chapter atsumu is a child predator teehee
> 
> its past midnight im sorry this is dumpster fire
> 
> oh and  
> sangwoo is atsumu  
> notsangwoo is osamu  
> mr. clean is sakusa  
> misakey is misaki  
> runaelluna is runa  
> boba is bobata
> 
> also a 2 new ships added to the roster lev/yaku and yahaba/kyoutani
> 
> iwakage is dating but the dont actually know that yet so stay tunes and i oop
> 
> love y'all and make sure to follow [my tumblr: kristoefurry <333 i have art over there!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kristoefurry/blog/kristoefurry)

_toe cult_

toeru: not to be a simp but like i want iwa-chan to cuddle me with his big strong arms. its not just me right?

tobio: i think it’s just you

Iwaizumi: uhm.

toeru: oh shit, hey iwa-chan~!!

tobio: not to be a show off but like i got to cuddle iwaizumi-san..

toeru: see, this is why i hate you.

tobio: haha thanks

bitch: Are we just going to forget how Kuroo fucking Tetsurou ate dog food?

brokuto: maybe we will

kurhoe: forget rn 

bitch: NO?

sho: how did it taste doe

kurhoe: not that bad. needs some salt

tobio: SOME S A LT???

tobio: you need a psychiatrist. 

kurhoe: i am 100% d o g.

bigdaddymatsu: where did maddog-chan go????

toeru: thats my nickname for him >:(

bigdaddymatsu: doesn’t matter. nobody ever added him back?

wateri: he isn’t answering my texts so i wouldn’t know

Iwaizumi: hopefully that’s a good thing.

Iwaizumi: for once i _hope_ he’s like fighting yahaba and not being depressed.

toeru: no

toeru: iwa-chan please keep your rabies infected son away from mine

Iwaizumi: kyou does NOT have rabies. >:(

toeru: has he tested?

Iwaizumi: can you shut the fuck up?

Iwaizumi: or do i need to come over there and make you.

toeru: oh yes, make me shut up daddy~

Iwaizumi: i am staying where i am thx.

tobio: im actually going to leave this gc one day. 

bigmak: you say that all the time and you never do.

semitruck: sometimes, i want to do that too.

sangwoo: are you guys ok?

notsangwoo: yeah, kinda worried.

sho: who’s sangwoo?

sangwoo: dont worry about it. :)

tobio: finally ratsumu, you showed up.

mr. clean: You guys seriously need help, Jesus Christ...

jesus: i’m sorry :(

sugar: yeah asahi, as the uncle of these demons you’re terrible at ur job.

jesus: im trying!! a little.. i guess..

jesus: im not very good with kids :(

rollingdepression: no!! its ok azu, if suga cant control them, dont expect yourself too, ok? <3

jesus: oh. ok!! <3

sugar: god that was so cute. minus the shade towards me and fyi i aM VERY GOOD AT HANDLING CHILDREN

sho: that got aggressive real quick. 

father daichi: Calm down, hun. I’m sure he wasn’t serious.

Iwaizumi: not to be rude but suga you are terrible at handling your own kids.

sugar: says you.

bigmak: AYE, iwa is great at handling us >:(

bigdaddymatsu: never underestimate mama iwa!!

toeru: mama iwa? i thought he was our dad.

bigmak: that would make it weird. yk?

Iwaizumi: you guys are idiots.

sugar: agreed

Iwaizumi: oi, but they’re my idiots, so fuck off sugawara. <3

bigmak: HEART EMOJI????

toeru: i am so moved...

bigdaddymatsu: depression, cured. crops, watered. live, great.

toeru: we love you too iwa-chan <3

yamayama: gross, affection 

mother: no offense but says you, yamaguchi.

yamayama: shhh :(

mother: mr. i like giving kisses to my boyfriend after they lose a match against us

yamayama: YOU SWORE TO NEVER TELL

teruteru: nobody here knows? pretty sure my whole team knows.

boba: yeah we do.

misakey: you cant keep your mouth shut.

runaelluna: yeah.. sorry to say but you really cant..

teruteru: ahh... slandered by my own team. love you guys <3

father daichi: It’s not like we haven’t seen it happen, Yamaguchi.

bitch: You suck at hiding.

yamayama: shut up bitch.

sugar: im so sure we all knew you were dating.

tobio: they're dating?

sugar: except kages.

tobio: ?????

sho: stupid bakayama. 

tobio: shut up hinata boke.

sho: MAKE ME.

tobio: YOU WANNA FIGHT???

sho: SURE ILL FIGHT YOU BAKAYAMA

tobio: BRING IT BITCH

sugar: there they go.

sugar: ennoshita get your kids.

ehnoshitah: already gottem. 

ehnoshitah: you guys really cant go a day without fighting, huh..?

tobio: noh. >:(

sho: never. >:(

Iwaizumi: ahem.

sugar: shut up.

Iwaizumi: anyway i need to get to work. watari, watch shittykawa.

toeru: WHAT

Iwaizumi: if we’re being honest you’re the only irresponsible one i know.

toeru: MAKKI GAVE MATTSUN H E A D WHILE DRIVING????

Iwaizumi: you’d fuck somebody while driving, your point?

toeru:

toeru: whatever :(

Iwaizumi: plus, matsukawa is good at multitasking. he can do whatever while driving. 

bigdaddymatsu: B)

toeru: shut up bitch.

Iwaizumi: now i actually have to go, bye.

toeru: bye >:(

bigmak: bye mom!!

bigdaddymatsu: bye mom :)

tobio: and practice is gonna start so we have to go.

sho: yep.

yamayama: bye!!

bitch: Bye, assholes.

sho: shut up stingyshima, and bye!!

tobio: cya.

yachi: oh shoot same bye you guys!! <3

mother: bye hitoka <3

yui: bye yacchan!! <3

daffodudes: bye bitches >:)

rollingdepression: L8TR SK8TRZ >:))

ehnoshitah: bye! :)

toeru: chi-chan is so polite :0

bigmak: when he’s fully awake.

bigdaddymatsu: IDIOTS U N ItE

kurhoe: AYE

brokuto: AYEEE

Ushijima: Uhm..

semitruck: ew.

tentoes: AYEEEEEEEE

yACK: no.

leviackermen: AYEEEEEEEEEEEE

kai!!: oh my godddd

toeru: AYE! >:)

bigdaddymatsu: sooo what will we be doing today?

kurhoe: theft?

kai!!: what? no!

kurhoe: :(

brokuto: arson?

kai!!: NO

kai!!: why do you always resort to illegal activities?

toeru: so drugs?

bigmak: that stoner life ahaha

bigdaddymatsu: blaze it ahaha

kai!!: no drugs, no illegal activities, not even i have enough money to bail out 5 idiots.

toeru: hmph :(

okaoka: make that six

cunt: make that SEVEN >:D

kai!!:

kai!!: god im gonna be in debt arent i?

toeru: OMG WE CAN CRASH STARBUCKS

bigdaddymatsu: YESSSSSS

bigmak: IWA’S STARBUCKS???

kurhoe: OH IM DOWNNNN

bokuto: OMG S AME YESSSS

kai!!:

kai!!: im only going as supervision and to get food.

brokuto:

brokuto: we’ll accept that

wateri: wait a damn minute.

toeru:

kai!!:

brokuto: r

brokuto: fuck

wateri: yall goin without me??

toeru: AYEEEEEEEE

inno: this is a terrible idea.

leviackermen: i know, i love it.

wateri: what the shit yabaha, where have you B E E N???

inno: uh, talking with kyoutani.

inno: it was a lot to go over. 

_inno added bark to the chat_

bark: im coming with you morons

toeru: AYE YEAH 

inno: do we need to bring your leash?

bark: shut up dork

inno: :)

bark:

bark: dont

inno: i wont.

wateri: i hit my head

wateri: what’s happening

toeru: HOW LMAO

brokuto: thats a bit of a change

bark: got a problem with it?

brokuto: no dont kill me im sowwy :(

kurhoe: sorry bro but that was gross

brokuto: bite me

kurhoe: sure

brokuto:

kurhoe:

kurhoe: jk

brokuto: o

toeru: GET IN LOSERS WE’RE GONNA GO BOTHER IWA

bitch: Don’t forget to get Kuroo dog food.

kurhoe: stop plz

ehnoshitah: get off your phone tsukki.

bitch: F i n e.

kai!!: pfft.

yACK: i wanna go too!! :(

kurhoe: 

yACK: pwease :(

kurhoe: stop being cute im gonna eat your knees omg

yACK: :D YES

kurhoe: im bringing yaku guys

leviackermen: kuroo can u not hit on my boyfriend? thx.

yACK:

yACK: thanks l e v

leviackermen: IT SLIPPED

kurhoe: I KNEW IT

kurhoe: AHAHA PAY UP _KAIIIIIII_

kai!!: i really am gonna be in debt.

kai!!: i’ll pay you in the car.

kurhoe: ahha

brokuto: err im still here,

kurhoe: we’ll come get you too bo

brokuto: ok!! :D

bigmak: I THINK WE’RE gOn n a CRAHS

bigdaddymatsu: OIAK WA IS SO BAD AT DRIVINGGGGG

wateri: IM CRYING I FEA R FOR MY LIFE RN

inno: KYOUTANI HOLD ME

bark: NO GE T OFFF I CAN T BREAV I CANNOT BEKUEVE IM GONA DIE RNOW

bigmak: IM SORRY I BET ON YOU RELATIONSHIP STATUS YAHABA

bigdaddymatsu: IM SORRY I MADE A KYOUTANI X YAHABHA FANFIC

wateri: IM SORY I DESPERARETLY TRYIEF TO GE T YOU GUYS TOGETEHR

bark: WHAT THE FCUVK

inno: SVOBS

kurhoe: im glad _we_ have a responsible driver, love you kai <3

kai!!: love you too hoe <3

kurhoe:

kai!!: sorry, autocorrect.

yACK: LMAO WHY DOEs

kurhoe: thats so mean

wateri: Wh y is oikawa lookin like he’s driving all smoove and easy.

wateri: i think he almost ran over a kid on the sidewalk

inno: _almost_

kurhoe: LMAO OMG

wateri: im never driving with oikawa again, why couldnt matsukawa drive today

bigdaddymatsu: uh oikawa was the one who pulled up in his car, tf was i supposed to do, steal his keys and kick him out?

wateri: YES?

bigmak: ye s

inno: to save us, yes

bark: yes

bigdaddymatsu:

bigdaddymatsu: why

bigmak: hopefully his parking is better than his driv 

bigmak: HOLY SHIT

bigdaddymatsu: FUCJDJD

wateri: YAHABA HIT HSI HEAD

bark: WXIDNIENI$FC

bigmak: KYOUTANI IS SCREAMING “BABY STAY WITH ME” ISM SHOOK

bigdaddymatsu: FRR IMDNB$RBC*$RC

bark: SHUT UUP GUY SI THINK HE” S DEAD

tooru: hmph, its not _that_ bad, stop being so dramatic.

bark: YAHABA IS DEAD

inno: no im not

bark: oh

bark: when did you get up?

bigmak: like a couple of seconds ago

tooru: see, he’s alive. now lets go bother iwa!!

kurhoe: we arent there yet >:(

toeru: wtf why is oh sangwoo here

sangwoo: THAT IS M E BITCH

notsangwoo: sadly.

toeru: oh, miya-chan that pee yellow is a disgusting color.

notsangwoo: mhm

mr. clean: Piss yellow is truly a fucking nasty color.

notsangwoo: honestly, what made you think that was a good choice.

notsangwoo: it looks like somebody dyed your hair with urine.

sangwoo: look i came to make somebody else cry yet here i am crying. this isnt fair. i was gonna dress up as that chicken from chuck e cheese but noooooooooo fuck you guys

kurhoe: NO BE HELEN RN RNR RN

toeru: somebody’s urgent... 

kurhoe: YOU’LL SEE WHYYY WE’RE PULLING UP

wateri: jesus im gonna regret this.

tentoes: ushiwaka, semi and i are here!!

toeru: who’s the one dressed up as a stripper clown

tentoes: me

toeru: this is gonna be a wild ride of iwa-chan

wateri:OH MY GOFODIFIN

bigmak: WH O IS C H U C K E CH E E SE

sangwoo: LAMOOMMOWMDENC

notsangwoo: WHAT THE FUCK 

mr. clean: LMAO

brokuto: ;)

_brokuto changed his name to bokuto e. cheese_

_kurhoe changed his name to kuronald mcdonald_

bokuto e. cheese: we have arrived ;)

kuronald mcdonald: mmm u guys are lookin

kuronald mcdonald: wtf are u wearing tendou. AND OIKAWA

toeru: i know i know im sexy asf rn

kuronald mcdonald: you look like a emo twitch streamer

wateri: we made kageyama be that last halloween

_kuronald mcdonald changed tobio’s name to +*uwu th0tty*+_

wateri: you wont be living for too long 

kuronald mcdonald: i have come to understand that

bokuto e. cheese: we actually have to go inside you know

sangwoo: im in costume now, so yeah lets go

toeru: im so sure he can see us from outside bc i looked through the glass and he’s sitting at the counter laughing and dying

Iwaizumi: ye s i c na

toeru: he can

sangwoo: i know we look sexy

kai!!: KUROO GET OFF THE COUNTER

kai!!: BOKU T O 

kai!!: OH MY GOD

toeru: LMAOOOO YES BOKUTO SHAKE THAT ASS GO OFFFFFFF

wateri: AHAHAHAAHAHA

sangwoo: AS SOON AS WE WALK IN BOKUTO STARTS THROWIN IT BAC K ON KUROO WHO STARTS CATCHING IT RFCMIRFRFIFRN

mr. clean: Oh my godddddddd

+*uwu th0tty*+:

chronicdepression: AHAHAHAAA

onion: LMAOOOOO

sho: IS THAT

sugar: KAGEYAMA????

+*uwu th0tty*+: it was a bad time ok, i was on my belle delphine shit

sho: AHAHAHAA LMAOOOO

bigmak: I CANTwDIECNIEF

bigmak: OIKAWA GOES UP TO IWA WHILE HIS B O S S IS THERE AND CASUALLY GOES, “hey daddy, how’s work going~?”

bigdaddymatsu: SHE LOOKS SO DISTRAUGHTTTT ITS SO FUNNEEE

toeru: LMA AYE MIYA-CHAN LEAVE THAT KID ALONE OMG

toeru: HE’S CHASING A CHILD IM SCREAMING

toeru: CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AHAHAA

mr. clean: ATSUMU IS ATTEMPTING TO STEAL A CHILD

mr. clean: ATSUMSU#NUUFCU

+*uwu th0tty*+: we are making an entrance bitch

sho: _ooooperiodt.jpg_

toeru: YES TOBIO-CHAN YOU DID IT

bigmak: YESSSSS IWA IS GONNA FUCKING FLIP

chronicdepression: honestly thats really hot, step on me kageyama.

onion: we’re accepting new boyfriend applications

onion: from kages specifically

bigdaddymatsu: iwa is gonna flip what tho? ;)

kuronald mcdonald: LMAO BO IS TWERKING ON THE COUNTER

kuronald mcdonald: OR HE’S MOVING HIS HIPS LIKE A FUCKIN GODDESS WTF HOW DOES HE DO THAT????

bigmak: that wasnt a big mac, that was a big homo kuroo

bigdaddymatsu: SOME EMPLOYEE IS THROWING MONEY AT HIM 

toeru: QUICK STEAL IT WTF ARE U WAITING FOR

wateri: oooh, kageyama i havent seen you wear that in a while.

_+*uwu th0tty*+ changed their name to tobio_

tobio: you’ll be seeing it very often.

tobio: now if you’ll excuse me

bigmak:

bigdaddymatsu:

toeru: _this bold son of a bitch_

bigmak: IS HE GIVING IWA A LAP DANCE?

bigdaddymatsu: HE ISSSSSSSSSS AHAHANNIRTTMOBM


	5. charles the mouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi: you better not fuck around at that place. especially you atsumu
> 
> sangwoo: WOW WHY AM I THE MAIN WORRY NOW
> 
> mr.clean: You’re like an 80-year-old predator.
> 
> sangwoo: I AM 18
> 
> sangwoo: 1 8
> 
> mr.clean: 80? Cool, alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter there's so much going on
> 
> iwaizumi got hella possessive bc he may or may not be aware of his feelies for kages uwu owo?
> 
> they steal
> 
> a lot
> 
> uwu thotty kages is on the way ive started drawing it LMAOO
> 
> and as alwayssss  
> love y'all and make sure to follow [my tumblr: kristoefurry <333 i have art over there!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kristoefurry/blog/kristoefurry) <33333

_ toe cult _

toeru: TOBIO-CHAN IS GIVING IWA-CHAN A LAP DANCE

bigmak: WHERE DOES HIS CONFIDENC E COME FROM?????

sho: from me daring him to do it because i told him i could do it better

bigdaddymatsu:

bigdaddymatsu: you know that means yo

sho: yes

sho: and i am extremely scared

leviackermen: ARE YOU EVEN WATCHING MIYA RN???

leviackermen: HE IS STEALING KIDS YALL

toeru: ahah yall

yACK: MIYA IS WHAT???

notsangwoo: i dont know him.

mr.clean: You guys were literally born on the same day, from the same woman, minutes after each other.

notsangwoo: dont know what you’re talking about?

kai!!: the cops are gonna get called omg!! i told you guys not to do anything illegal but then ATSUMU goes and starts kidnapping fucking KIDS.

bigmak: iwa looks so fucking turned on this is too funny

bigdaddymatsu: LMAOOO HIS BOSS LOOKS LIKE SHE WANTS TO FUCKING QUIT

toeru: SHE JUST WALKED BACK TO THE BACKROOM SIGHING IM SOBBING

tentoes: why did i just

tentoes: KUROO YOU GREEDY FUCKER I WILL VORE YOU

kuronald mcdonalds: V O R E

bitch: DID HE SAY VORE????

sho: LMAOOOOO

tobio: AHAHAHAHAIFEMOF

toeru: IWA LOOKS SO CONFUSED AND DISAPPOINTED 

bigmak: i dont think its for the reason u think tho winky wonky 

bigdaddymatsu: wanky

bigdaddymatsu: fuck

bokuto e. cheese: LMAOOOOO ATSUMU IS TRYING TO CONVINCE AN EMPLOYEE TO GIVE HIM FREE FOOOODDOMORFOXRR#FMO

kuronald mcdonald: “i’ll slobber on that cockadoodle doo if i can get an iced vanilla mocha latte with whipped cream and chocolate syrup~~”

toeru: SCREAMINGGGG

semitruck: are we gonna ignore the fact that tendou is into VORE?

semitruck: V O R E????

bokuto e. cheese: LMAOOOOOOO#MDOOCNNFF

yachi: HOLY CHEESE CRACKERS YOU GUYS WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING???

father daichi: KAGEYAMA DID  _ WHAT? _

sugar: IM SORRY BUT WHAT?????

jesus: i had no involvement in this i swear.

yui: holy shit you guys have so self restraint, do you?

shirocoochie: LMAO YALL WTF IM SCREAMINGGGG

footakoochie: HAHAHAA I LOVE IT HERE ALREADY

runaelluna: im so scared of this place.

misakey: ngl same..

cunt: ahah 

okaoka: ahahaha

kai!!: im gonna act like i didnt walk in on you guys fUCKING IN A STARBUCKS  _ B A T H R O O M? _

misakey: OH YEAH YOU HAVE NOOOO SELF RESTRAINT

teruteru: i would be like “WOAHHH” but we’ve done freakier, right yams?

yamayama: i wish you would shut up sometimes, love you lots tho <3

teruteru: i love you too <3

boba: oh my god what the fuck

boba: osamu get your fucking brother he is a m e s s 

notsangwoo: no

komori: OSAMU

notsangwoo: n o.

boba: osamuuu :(

notsangwoo:

notsangwoo: miya atsumu put that fucking child down before i poison you with sewer water. not sure if you’d be immune or not because like i said before your personality is equivalent to sewage.

sangwoo: wow

sangwoo: i only put that kid down bc i need to cry thats so mean and im scared for my life

bigmak: osamu is kinda whipped doe

bigdaddymatsu: facts

boba: uhm, alr

teruteru:  _ stupidbitch.jpg _

teruteru: look bobata is so gross bleghhh

boba: no you, stupid whore

teruteru: <333

boba: <33333

misaki: <3

runaelluna: <33333

toeru: :o

toeru: IWA~CHAN <3

Iwaizumi: </3

toeru: im going to johnzenji

boba: JOHNZENJI PFFT

teruteru: LMAOO

Ushijima: They’re very accepting at Shiratorizawa, Oikawa. You’re always welcome to come by. The new first years are very affectionate.

toeru:

toeru: i might take up that offer. thanks :)

Ushijima: No problem. :)

bigmak: are they actually getting along? is oikawa finally putting on his big boy briefs after 19 fucking years of acting like a fucking pussy??? because somebody was on his level and he didnt like that??? omg!! thats so fucking amazing finally oikawa tooru isnt a little boy!!!!!

toeru: WOW

toeru: USHIJIMA COME TAKE ME TO SHIRATORIZAWA

Ushijima: Ah, I’m afraid I’m busy at the moment.

bitch: We have a date in a bit, Oikawa. Sadly you can’t relate, can you?

toeru: CAN YOU NOT ALWAYS DESTROY ME?

yachi: yeah tsukki! thats mean :(

bitch: Don’t call me that.

Ushijima: Sorry about Kei, Oikawa. His remarks are something I can’t change...

tobio: yeah he’ll always be a salty, snarky, fucker.

bitch: Says “uwu th0tty.”

tobio: there’s a difference between being a bad bitch and being an mad bitch, stupid.

bitch: Whatever, king. 

tobio: exactly.

yachi: wow

sho: we’re all heading back now. i think

toeru: matssun kicked me out of my own car, stole my keys and told me to “hop in loser,” because, “you cant drive for shit”

wateri: as he should.

inno: where the fuck have you been?

wateri:

wateri: i was standing right next to you.

wateri: im not that short :(

inno: whoops

Iwaizumi:  _ i am going to KILL every last one of you.  _

toeru: WHOOPS L M AO

tobio: AHAHAHA RIP

Iwaizumi: ohhh do not even THINK you’re gonna get outta this one kageyama tobio. what the fuck was that back there?

tobio: HINATA BOKE SAID HE COULD DO IT BETTER 

tobio: and btw

tobio: HOW TF WAS THAT HINATA, HAH???

sho: oh PLEASE, i can do 10x better,

tobio: BET

tobio: TOMORROW, GIVE IT ALL YOU G O T.

sho: HELL YEAH I WILL

Iwaizumi: hah, no subject change here. im going to fucking slaughter all of you.  _ starting  _ with YOU kageyama.

tobio: damn, tsukishima record it for me and send it to me, my new number will probably be 666-911-2020

bitch: Sounds legit, I’ll do it.

tobio: thx

Iwaizumi: and then, BOKUTO AND KUROO FUCKING TETSUROU

Iwaizumi: THERE ARE 12 YEAR OLDS IN THIS FUCKING ESTABLISHMENT. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?

kuronald mcdonald: :(

bokuto e. cheese: :(

Iwaizumi: speaking of  _ kids.  _ atsumu? :)

sangwoo: ..yeah?

Iwaizumi:  _ you better have returned each one of those kids to their guardians. :) im sure you did, right? _

sangwoo:

sangwoo: YEP!!

notsangwoo: dumb whore

mr.clean: Facts.

komori: sakusa :(

mr.clean: I don’t actually care.

Iwaizumi: now, oikawa? <3

toeru:

toeru: oh god

Iwaizumi: call me daddy again, and you wont get to SEE yours for a while. for a LONG WHILE, okay?

toeru: yes, iwa-chan!

Iwaizumi: kageyama.

tobio: mhm.

Iwaizumi: never wear that outfit in public. EVER. i dont give a fuck about what you wear at home, but that? in public? NEVER. you hear me?

tobio:

tobio: mhm..

Iwaizumi: and never to MY WORKPLACE of all places. they threw fucking money at you.  _ MONEY _ .

Iwaizumi: and oohoooo they’ll be hearing an EARFULL tomorrow.

Iwaizumi: that outfit is never to be seen by the public eye. actually. NOBODY needs to see that outfit except  _ me _ . DO NOT, and i mean DO NOT every show that shit to anybody else. that is mine and mine only.. i could not fucking TAKE IT back there.

tobio: yes iwaizumi-san...

Iwaizumi: kuroo? return that money tomorrow.

kuronald mcdonald: yes iwaizumi!

Iwaizumi: inuoka, and shibayama. keep your sexual desires at HOME.

Iwaizumi: a public cafe with frequent minors visiting is not the best place to have sex, i hope you understand that.

cunt: yes iwaizumi.

okaoka: yes iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi: and watari, i expected more responsibility on your end.

Iwaizumi: i am extremely fucking disappointed in ALL of you.

Iwaizumi: i expect a sincere apology to my manager, suzuki, tomorrow. alright?

tobio: yes iwaizumi-san..

toeru: yes iwa-chan!

kuronald mcdonald: yes iwaizumi..

bokuto e. cheese: yes iwa..

cunt: yes iwaizumi!

kai!!: sorry iwaizumi.

yACK: sorry iwaizumi.

leviackermen: yes, iwaizumi!

wateri: sorry iwaizumi.

bigmak: sorry..

bigdaddymatsu: sorry iwa..

Iwaizumi: i’m going back to our dorm oikawa, and dont expect dinner. go eat fucking mcdonalds or takeout. goodbye.

toeru: holy shit

toeru: tobio-chan are you ok? he really snatched your wig there.

tobio: i dont know whether to be intimidated or turned on

bigmak: i wouldnt know either. he got kinda possessive there.

bigdaddymatsu: kinda?

sangwoo: kinda is an understatement.

notsangwoo: “except me” was that a slip up or?

toeru: i think he meant that

sangwoo: moving on, lets go to chuck e cheese’s next time

mr.clean: And let you kidnap more kids? No way.

tobio: im down

sangwoo: see??

toeru: LMAO ARE YOU GONNA POLE DANCE IN FRONT OF KIDS TOBIO-CHAN???

tobio: ahaha no thanks im trying to live to join a pro volleyball team thx. im gonna steal a robot duh

toeru: man, ngl what would iwa-chan do if you do wear that again?

tobio: kill..me..??

bigmak: oh my god

bigdaddymatsu: shut up maki

bigmak:

toeru: ARENT YOU DRIVING

bigdaddymatsu: FUCK LMAO

wateri: MATSUJSJDJDJJENSJ

inno: JESUS CHRIST

inno: be careful :( kyou’s sleeping.

bark: im up

inno: LOOK WHAT YOU DID

bigmak: im sorry but do you want oikawa to drive?

wateri: i take it all back

inno: actually carry on

bark: ^

toeru: wow that is so mean im so hurt by that you guys

sangwoo: so, chuck e. cheese’s?

bokuto e. cheese: yeah

kuronald mcdonald: god i cant believe we almost died dude that was so scary 

sho: we’re heading to chuck e. cheese’s now B)

kai!!: semi is taking me back to my apartment, i dont wanna go to that soon to be hell hole

wateri: oh?

toeru: owo?

Iwaizumi: stop.

tobio: i visibly flinched wtf

sho: yikes

toeru: i know iwa-chan is scary smh

Iwaizumi: shut up.

sho: bakayama is literally crying

sho: WHAT HAPPENED

bigmak: AHAHA LMAOO IWA YOU MADE HIM CRY

wateri: wow iwa, i bet you steal lollipops from babies too

inno: thats so cliche i hate it

bark: wait what why are we going to chuck e. cheese

tobio:  _ NOBODY ANSWER THATTTT _

toeru: ^

toeru: wait, tobio-chan sh

tobio: SHUSH ARE U TRYNA GET ME KILLED???

toeru: yes

tobio: wow

sho: we’re walking inside now!!

wateri: same, we just pulled up

readyourtorra: kuroo almost crashed but we’re here.

bokuto e. cheese: i

bokuto e. cheese: nobody say anything rn rn rn rn we gotta preserve a bro

Iwaizumi: you better not fuck around at that place. especially you atsumu

sangwoo: WOW WHY AM I THE MAIN WORRY NOW

mr.clean: You’re like an 80-year-old predator.

sangwoo: I AM 18

sangwoo: 1 8

mr.clean: 80? Cool, alright.

tobio: omg this kid is so cute wtf wtf wtf

tobio: he thinks im pretty :)

toeru: you’re not gonna be so pretty as you run out with a fucking 7 foot tall animatronic tobio-chan.

tobio: good point

Iwaizumi: oh my  _ god _ . 

toeru: 

bigmak:

sangwoo:

sho:

sho: JUST KIDDINGGGG

Iwaizumi: oh, ahaha no... im driving to chuck e. cheese’s right now!!

toeru: ALRIGHT NO TIME TO WAIT GUYS PLAN STEAL CHEESE IS A GO. GO GO GO!!

tobio: YES SIR

kuronald mcdonald: ATSUMU JUST TRAMPLED A FUCKING CHILD

bokuto e. cheese: WE HAVE ACQUIRED A HELEN I REPEAT WE ACQUIRED A HELEN

toeru: RUN NOW NOW NOW

tobio: CHILLLL THIS AINT AS LIGHT AS YOU THINK

toeru: GETT OF YOUR PHONE THEN???

tobio: HI THIS IS SHOUYOU THEYRE SLOWLY BUT SURELY RUNNING WITH HELEN. I THINK THEY’RE PLANNING TO BREAK THE WINDOW

tobio: wait

tobio: omg thats noya-san

tobio: NOYA-SAN WORKS HERE I THINK WE’RE GONNA GET OUTTA THIS ONE YALL

toeru: YESSSS KUROO AND I HAVE ACQUIRED CHARLES THE MOUSE I REPEAT WE HAVE CHARLES

readyourtorra: WE TOOK SOME SUITS AND PIZZA F R E E F O O D

bigmak: MATSU BABY WE GOTTA GET CHARLES IN THE C A R

bigdaddymatsu: WELL MAYBE IF HE WASNT SO FUCKING FAT HE WOULD FIT???

tobio: AYE DONT BoDy sh AM e CHARLES

tobio: SOME KID IS PULLING AT MY SKIRT OMG

tobio: WTF ITS THAT SAME KID HE WONT LET GO 

tobio: HE THINKS IM A GIRL

onion: YOU’RE STILL WEARING THE OUTFIT???

tobio: not the POINT

tobio: I HAD NO TIME TO CHANGE

sho: IM KEEPING WATCH FOR IWA

toeru: CHARLES IS IN THE CAR WE’RE DRIVING OFF

rollingdepression: yk this is why we have more in the back. this happens way too often

bokuto e. cheese: HELEN IS IN THE CAR I REPEAT HELEN IS IN THE CAR CYAAAA

daffodudes: WE GOT MUNCH

sho: BAKAYAMA STOP COMMUTING

tobio: UHHHH IM SORRY IM BEING HIT ON XUSNUXSOMEXO

sho: JESUS CHRIST   
  
daffodudes: WE’RE GONE   
  
bigmak: IWAICFCIOCFO<FNFC

toeru: HOLY FUKMEICNIEF

tobio: IM CRYING IM SO SCAR E D 

tobio: WHY DID I COME ALONG FOR THIS

sangwoo: technically i can still live because i did not steal any children.

mr.clean: You did not succeed in stealing any is what you mean.

notsangwoo: i pass out in the car, come back, and a fucking chuck e. cheese animatronic is in the backseat, tsumu is screaming drive, im scared so im gonna drive

insomnia: HELEN NEEDS TO SHUT UPPPP

agaasheh:

agaasheh: what the FUCK is wrong with you guys???

yACK: AHHAAHAHA I FEEL SO IRRESPONSIBLE BUT THIS IS TOO FUNNY   
  


wateri: actually, iwaizumi got us. he looks pissed asf, watch out yall

tobio: im scared im scared im scared oikawa-san hold me :(

toeru: i cannot do so tobio-chan, but ill hold u virtually :((

sho: i am shaking im shaking im shaking im shaking im shaking

ehnoshitah: tanaka kageyama and hinata and shaking and sobbing in the backseat, because you guys stole a  _ chuck e. cheese animatronic  _ and iwaizumi is gonna get you guys?

sugar: as he should. 

father daichi: I sort of wanted to join in, not gonna lie.

father daichi: It seems fun.

insomnia: it is

wateri: it is

kuronald mcdonald: it is

insomnia: EYES ON THE FUCKING ROAD YOU MORON

  
  
leviackermen: KUROO YOU DICK WEODENNOCE

readyourtorra: HOW TDNIEINEEEOF

bokuto e. cheese: KUROOOOWPNCPIEIFOCEK

yACK: ACKSUNIDID   


tobio: OH MY GOD 

yamayama: rip nekoma, rip aoba johcry, rip bokuto e. cheese

yamayama: and rip the guys i totally dont go to school with

bitch: I get back from my date, Nekoma and Seijou + Bokuto are dead. Those idiots are going to die. Jesus...

tentoes: we may or may not have stole prizes but thats not important

gosh: SHUT UP TENDOU

gosh: OH MY GOSHHHHH

semitruck: finally fucking die tendou

Iwaizumi: two more to fucking go. where are you guys? karasuno?

tobio: no where

sho: no where

Iwaizumi: mhm mhm, sure. 

toeru: he just got back in the car, DRIVE FASTER

tobio: OMG W

sho: SHUT UPPPPP

tentoe: FuckuXIXU

gosh: Uwnxueppwpx

gosh: uwu i cannot believe today i will die ednoededxuudox eexoeo

semitruck: serves you right

shiraboo!: oh god, are you guys ok?

gosh: no uwu

shiraboo!: noted ok, ill come get you guys.

Ushijima: Mhm, same.

sugar: hopefully my idiots

tobio: AICNIINFCNR ONMOZ 

sho: WINRIZFINROVM

daffodudes: ESUS CHRIST

yamayama: and now they have joined them. rip, enjoy hell

bitch: LMAO

sugar: i spoke way too soon.

father daichi: Oh my god, Ushijima do you think you can check up on my idiots while you’re at it?

Ushijima: Of course.

Iwaizumi: ...

tobio: toeru this was a terrible idea

toeru: i can see that now

sho: kages i think you’ll have to wear pants to practice bc damn iwa’s loo

sho:

sho: nothing nvm 

tobio: ok?

bigmak: we should never be allowed to go out together ever again

bigdaddymatsu: do you think thats ever gonna stop us?

bigmak:

bigmak: fair point.


	6. and thats on bleeding bussies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi: kageyama, get up. stop being extra.
> 
> tobio: I am bleeding out and dying
> 
> yamayama: and thats on period.. literally
> 
> tobio: period
> 
> naruto: LMAOOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> mother: AHAHAHAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhh period
> 
> and also some convos are based off of some shit that happened in a discord server that [ our fly killing queen, bee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/w6rship/pseuds/w6rship) invited me too. its chaotic up in there i-
> 
> anyway
> 
> love y'all and make sure to follow [my tumblr: kristoefurry <333 i have art over there!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kristoefurry/blog/kristoefurry)

_ toe cult _

toeru: so whats poppin?

kurhoe: my back

toeru: cool, i think there’s a ghost in charles.

Iwaizumi: i hope it possesses you.

toeru: even iwa-chan hates me.

sho: LMAO

sho: ew my voice just cracked

ehnoshitah: gueys ima ffuckin home of sexual

tobio: i-

daffodudes: that was so uncalled for LMAO

Ushijima: I just watched Kei do the renegade for 30 minutes.

daffodudes: RENEGADE

tobio: REGENADE

sho: GERENADE

bitch: Look, it’s addicting.

tobio: like drugs

bigmak: stoner life ahaha

tobio: yall are going to jail

kenoshitah: speaking of jail, yall need to be in jail

naruto: fr fr wtf is wrong with you guys

teruteru: we learn not to question it here, we just let them get into trouble then let them get fucked in the ass by iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi: You really could have worded that better.

Iwaizumi: AND, it’s 1 am, sleep.

tobio: we’re attempting to do homework no

sho: but tobio keeps getting distracted and doing e girl dances im gonna to shove him out his second story window i swear

tobio: try me

sho: you skinny enough, bet

tobio: ME??? SKINNY???

tobio: tsukishima, boke over here thought i was you

bitch:

bitch: I-

toeru: he do be skinny and winning doe

Iwaizumi: I hope tiktok gets banned.

toeru: cancelled

kenoshitah: cancelled

tobio: uh so how do meth

sho: how do numbr

toeru: i wish i knew.

yachi: how do add

yachi: how do school subject with numbr

yamayama: why are we so dumb? 

tobio: there is literally four of us at yachi’s apartment rn and we cannot figure this out tf. we’re actually so dumb.

tobio: oikawa-san help us

toeru: jokes on you, i have 3 brain cells.

naruto: chile 

naruto: same

ehnoshitah: iwaizumi go help them im sleep

teruteru: baby the love of my life my freckled strawberry adorable mushroom cupcake prince, i would help you if i was smart

yamayama: too bad you arent

teruteru: i love you <3

yamayama: dumb whore <3

sugar: im the only whore here fyi

tobio: whta

toeru: whah

Iwaizumi: im gonna beat the bambi outf charles if he looks a me one more time.

Iwaizumi: fuckin bambi bitch ass

tobio:

tobio: what?

Iwaizumi: im gonna turn this bitch into an audi

Iwaizumi: Lincoln ass hoe

toeru: im sorry what

sho: AHHHH

sho: omg sorry i have a chronic fear of abraham lincoln

tobio: Y OU WHAGWDXMIEIE

yachi: AHAHAWISZKKWKKJAJAJ

Iwaizumi: this bitch keeps licking me i 

toeru: WHAT

tobio: woah there

tobio: woahhhh there

sho: im shaking and crying i keep seeing abraham licnohn stops stop pwelae

yachi: he is actually shaking and crying

tobio: ahha PUSSAY

Iwaizumi: im gonna drop kick it

toeru: IWA-CHAN DONT TOUCH CHARLES OMG IM OMW

Iwaizumi: charles is a bambi licking horse

yachi: im sobbing what does that mean

sho: AHHHH

sho: im sorry i have a chronic fear of horses

tobio: shut up

Iwaizumi: im going to munch charles

tobio: WHAT

father daichi: IWAIZUMI NO

sugar: DONT EAT HIM

naruto: we finna ignore that charles this big ass 7 foot tall robot is out here lickin iwaizumi and now he’s gonna eat it

Iwaizumi: wait im not gonna eat charcoal im going to purchase chars on the fake with my fizz

sho: he’s high he’s high

Iwaizumi: no i eight melanin

ehnoshitah: dont stan lil huddy, iwaizumi is our melanin king

toeru: stan iwa-chan for clear skin

Iwaizumi: i dead and funeral

yachi:JESUS

yamayama: oh my god he ate melanin guys

teruteru: i think somebody spiked his melon

Iwaizumi: wont stop licking them

yachi: WHAT

Iwaizumi: ya cheese, what is it?

tobio:

tobio: iwaizumi-san?

tobio: are you alright?

Iwaizumi: yes i am

Iwaizumi: i hook melanin

tobio: melatonin?

Iwaizumi: yes

tobio: you sleepy?

Iwaizumi: yes

tobio: well, hajime how about we put the phone down and head to bed, youre not making any sense and its worrying.

Iwaizumi: butt you eyes wont eep

tobio:

tobio: we will sleep in a bit ok? please get some rest you’re forcing yourself awake and that isnt good. we’ll sleep ok?

Iwaizumi: ok

Iwaizumi: thank you ka gay yam

tobio: no problem hajime, now please sleep.

Iwaizumi: good night

tobio: goodnight :)

toeru:

sho:

agaasheh:

ehnoshitah:

kenoshitah:

naruto:

naruto: i see what you mean now

wateri: how can KAGEYAMA direct iwaizumi around but we cant

toeru: iwa-chan said tobio-chan is his favourite

sugar: i mean

father daichi: ...

father daichi: He’s ours too..

jesus: same ngl

agaasheh: mhm ^

teruteru: my mushroom sugarplum sugar cookie chocolate sweet candy crush heart struck valentine blissful lovely genuine affectionate bubblegum peppermint caramel sweet sugary concoction baby huggums, tadashi is my favourite

tobio: what the fuck was that

sho: no what the frick was THAT bakayama

tobio: i mean, iwaizumi-san is one of my closest friends? i care about him like how i sadly care for you.

sho: WOWWW SURe

tobio: i would not be up at 2 am with these other idiots doing homework with you if i didnt care. i would be on my way to tsukishima’s.’

yachi: speaking of homeworkkk

sho: OH SHOOT RIghT

* * *

yamayama: i feel like i got hit by a bus

sho: deja vu

yachi: periodt

bitch: Did you guys even sleep afterwards?

sho: lmao kages knocked tf out

sho: he wont get up still i think he’s dead

kurhoe: LMAO RIP

brokuto: ugh rest in pussy kageyama toebio

brokuto: cant believe he’s dead

yachi: we might have killed him idk

sho: last night was kind of a blur

yamayama: hinata didnt even wake up in yachi’s apartment we literally had to go look for him

yamayama: he was in a whole different ROOM

sho: my back hurts.

toeru:

toeru: yacchan, whats your address?

Iwaizumi: Don’t give it to him.

sho: ayeee iwa!!

Iwaizumi: Hey :) and sorry about yesterday. I took melatonin but I wanted to make sure you guys slept before I passed out. Please tell me you did?

father daichi: they did. 

Iwaizumi: Thanks, that makes me a little less worried.

father daichi: So why did Hinata wake up in somebody else’s room, in their bed I suppose?

yachi: see we dont even know

yamayama: and kageyama wont wake the fuck up so we cant ask him either. im pretty sure he a. hit his head or b. is a deep sleeper.

sho: i think he hit his head

yachi: he’s breathing tho so he’s not dead

Iwaizumi: Pour cold water on his face, he’ll wake up.

yachi: lmao we tried, and hinata jumped on him he wont get up

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: Yachi, what’s your address?

yachi: i’ll text it to you.

toeru: WOW IWA-CHAN TAKE ME WITH YOU

sho: but he’s breathing tho soooo

Iwaizumi: I’m gonna help you dumbasses wake him up. 

sho: are  _ you  _ gonna step on him?

toeru: lmaooo iwa-chan would crush him and probably kill him. because of those absolutely JUC IV Y muscles.

sho: IM SORRY WHAT?

yachi: LMAOOO

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: Whatever.

sho: awee he’s flustered i can tell

Iwaizumi: ew no.

naruto: yeah ew no

naruto: oikawa is disgusting

toeru: shut up weeb

kenoshitah: shut up whore

toeru: i

naruto: my saviour :0

kenoshitah: now i must go

naruto: NOOOO

sugar: can you guys shut the fuck up?

jesus: i did not sleep yesterday suga, no i cannot shut the fuck up.

jesus: if you ever have daichi over can yall learn to KEEP QUIET

jesus: i dont wanttt to know about your daddy kink, or about how you like being choked and spanked like i live here too??? and i respect you and make sure noya and i are quiet but nooo i dont get that respect returned. so you know what? if daichi comes into this apartment one more time and i can hear you too fucking? im stabbing him on site.

sho: 

toeru:

father daichi:

father daichi: Damn.

sugar: suddenly i want to sleep again

rollingdepression: shut downnn

daffodudes: periyard pooh

sho: iwa and toeru are here and theyre literally screaming 

sho: this is not working guys

yachi:

yamayama:

yachi: >:)

yamayama: >:)

yamayama: oikawa-san, start fake moaning

toeru: what? no!

yamayama: DO IT

toeru:

toeru: ok..

Iwaizumi: What the fuck- whats that gonna

Iwaizumi: oh

tobio: SHUT THE FUCK UP SLUT GODDAMN 

toeru: sobs

toeru: i thought he was gonna get like turned on but noooo he wakes up to insult me

toeru: THEN GOES BACK TO SLEEP

Iwaizumi: He is literally impossible.

semitruck: kiss him

Iwaizumi: what?

Iwaizumi: who, me?

Iwaizumi: Because I’m not doing that.

toeru: neither am i my heart wouldnt be able to stand it

sho: gasp great king admits his love for the king of the court?

toeru: no.

onion: semi may have a point

onion: this may be like a fairytale and he wont wake up till somebody kisses him and lifts the spell using true love!! right? maybe we could give it a try

Iwaizumi: I know you didn’t just say that.

Iwaizumi: and if we are not fucking it.

toeru: ^

sho: i mean..

sho:

yamayama: hinata do it

yachi: hinata do it

sho: what no i was jk

yamayama: KISS HIM 

yachi: KISS THE BOY

toeru: SHALALALA

yachi: no, i didnt ask for you to continue that

toeru: :(

sho:

sho: ugh im only doing it bc yall told me to

yamayama: YESSS DO IT 

yachi: do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it

semitruck: that was so sus hinata

agaasheh: “because yall told me to”, its ok to be a liar sometimes hinata.

yamayama:

yachi: 

sho:

toeru:

toeru: not even i expected that

sho: yo i cant do it grand king you do it

toeru: ew kissing tobio-chan is like kissing my son.

toeru: wait nvm im not accepting him as my son if thats what you’re thinking!!

toeru: i was trying to say

Iwaizumi: Shut up before I make you.

sho: which is code for im gonna start aggressively making out with you because you’re hot

Iwaizumi: what no-

toeru: glady iwa-chan~

yamayama: omg

yachi: YALL THEY

yachi:  _ riptobiokageyama.jpg _

yamayama: HE WOKE UP AS LIPS HIT LIPS 

sho: LMAO YALL COULDA PICKED A BETTER TIME

daffodudes: eww imagining waking up and seeing a couple making out

daffodudes: ahaha

daffodudes: aha...

daffodudes: will never forget

sugar: it was one time ok?

naruto: it was not just one time

semitruck: you two have no control over yourselves

aone: mhm.

aone: true.

gosh: yeah after our game we saw you two making out near the vending machines. i honestly thought i was gonna see some archiveofourown public sex i-

footakoochie: WHY DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS

shirocoochie: LMAOOO FRRR

suzu: WTF AHAHAH

misakey: WHHICIMIFC

mother: I-

mother: Goshiki, what the hell?

Ushijima: Who is responsible for the corruption of Tsutomu?

Ushijima: I’d like to have a talk with them.

tentoes: im not even on shiratorizawa anymore soooo

gosh: uhhhh

gosh: yk i figured out myself. long story that i would not like to elaborate on.

bitch: Please don’t.

sangwoo: please do

bitch: Shut the fuck up Atsumu.

sangwoo: make me

bitch: I am going to hide you in my walls. Maybe that’ll shut you up?

sangwoo: somebody’s on their period

tobio: LMAOOOO YOU DIDNT

toeru: TSU-CHANNNN

mother:

misakey:

suzu:

shirocoochie:

runaelluna:

suzu: im going to skin you alive atsumu

sangwoo: LMAO WAIT I WAS JK

notsangwoo: get em wlw,, go lesbians

sangwoo: i wish you were never born

mr.clean: Then you wouldn’t have been born?

sangwoo:

sangwoo: that makes zero sense 

sangwoo: if osamu wasnt born i just wouldnt have a twin

mr.clean:

mr.clean: Fair point.

myshins: ok atsumu that was not cool.

myshins: personally, fuck him up lesbians.

suzu: thank you

tobio: no wait now who’s gonna give me hug

tobio: dont kill ratsumu i want hugs plz he’s very cuddly

sangwoo: if you kill me my boyfriend will die of grief plz do it for tobio-kun

Iwaizumi: lmao, boyfriend?

toeru: ooo tobio-channnn

tobio:

tobio: im going to ignore you, but dont kill ratsumu plz

mother:

suzu:

shirocoochie: we spare him?

suzu: for today.

yui: next time we’re gonna beat his ass

tobio: YAYYY

tobio: but ratsumu you brainless bitch you dont know what they go through it is a week of pain and suffering and waterfalls upon waterfalls of blood. sneeze? blood. laugh? blood. cough? blood. cramps? hell. theyre so bad half of the time i cannot get up itts the absolute worsssssst. yall do not comprehendddddd

yamayama: sitting down? discomfort. and swimming is the fucking worst. shoving a plastic contraption with a string up my fucking vagina so i can get into some chemical filled water? yikes.

tobio: do nottt underestimate periods

yamayama: YESSS DO NOTTT

suzu:

suzu: are

tobio: yes, we are trans

yamayama: and yes, we still have our periods.

tobio: so we know

mother: I stan you two so much rn.

suzu: all my respect? on yall.

yachi: what why didnt you guys tell me!! :(

tobio: honestly i was fr just waiting for periods to come up

yamayama: same

sho: anyways stan kages and yams for clear skin

brokuto: joinnn the crewwww!! <3

tobio: <3

yamayama: <3

teruteru: i-

teruteru: actually thank you for coming out to us. whenever you’d curl and up and start s u f f e r i n g when you came over it really scared me and now i know a reason and what i can do in the future to help you! it also means a lot that you would tell  _ us  _ this first yk? im happy you guys found and opportunity and took it.

teruteru: love you yams <3

yamayama: wh y is that so swe,,et,, i love,,,,, yo u so much,,<3

teruteru: love you too <3

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: Terushima already said it for me huh.. but honestly thank you for telling us. We love and support you guys for you. <3

tobio: im sobbing fuck you

toeru: he’s a man of few words.

toeru: and those few words mean the world

sho: oh my god yacchan just fell down the stairs

yamayama: WHAT

tobio: we trust you to go get our uber eats while we have a moment and yachi falls down the fucking stairs

tobio: we’re on our way now

toeru: iwa-chan you carry her

Iwaizumi: what, why?

tobio:

tobio: did you actually ask why?

sho:

yamayama:

tobio: you’re like the beefiest out of all of us here. im not gonna snap my spinal cord trying to do something i probably cant do. did u forget im a skinny legend?

toeru: tru

yamayama: facts

sho: YALL JUST COME GET YACHI SHE’S CRYING AND IM CRYING TOO

Iwaizumi: Hold my phone Shittykawa.

toeru: omg look at him.

toeru: didnt even break a fuckin sweat.

tobio: thats hot

sho: KAGES

bitch: KING LMAOOOO

naruto: so honestly i stan

kenoshitah: pero museum sis

naruto:

toeru:  _ theyfuckingflex.jpg _

  
  


tobio: we’re all just walking behind him gay panicking im honestly trying not to laughhh

sho: LOOK AT YACHIIII

yamayama: LMAO SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE’S GOING TO DIE

bitch: AM@EOCMEFOCMFC

naruto: IF IEIWNECNIC

sugar: LMAOOOO YACHIIII

mother: dont kill my baby.

yui: our baby

mother: our baby

tobio: my knees are weak twin

tobio: i hshdjdxhx

toeru: NOT TWINNN AHAHHAHISMIDIWX

sho: LMAO HE SWAYINGGG I CANNOT

toeru: bara arms too hot i sidimcic

yachi: YALL STOP OMG 

tentoes: IM SCREAMINGGGG AHAHSISIMS

semitruck: WWSISIHXNI

gosh: do you guys have no shame?

tobio: nosojxj

sho: he’s just leaning against a wall

sho: LMAO HE GOES: “i think im on my periot pooh”

sho: SINIDIX<X

bitch: AAIMSIXINFID

toeru: Sidixhj

yachi: STOP YOU’RE EMBARRASSING ME

tobio: STOP LOOKING AT ME THIS AINT ITTTTT

sho: HIS EYES ARE SO PRETTY IM HOWLINGGGG AHAHS*SM

tobio: im having a nosebleed out of my vagina yall i

yamayama: AXNIXDXMED

toeru: I CANT HOLD IT IN ANYMORE EAUHAAHAAHHAEDMI

sho: SHHH OIKAWA-SAN

tobio: why does he have to be so segcy???

yachi: I GIGGLED AND HE LOOKED AT ME AND RAISED AN E?YEBROW SIEIDNXI<ED

sho: SWOOONING RNNNN

toeru: WIDIXI

bitch: I CANT BREATHE YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING STUPID

tobio: MY kn e e s are gona give out oon me i cant

yamayama: U CAN DO IT WE’RE ALMSOT THERE

yachi: he’s asking whats happening his phone is like blowing up

sho: how would you know?

yachi: its vibrating in his pocket?

naruto: you sure thats his pocket?

tobio: SINCE WHEN DID DICKS VIBRATE AAAHAAHSIISXKEIM

toeru: NOOOOA IADXENIDDs

sho: AAHHAHAAAJAJAJAJAJAXJXSKSKSK

Ushijima: Oh lord.

sugar: yall are spamming so much im going to shove my phone up my ass and use it as a vibrator

tobio: TMI TMI

sho: MOM WHAT THE HECKKK

father daichi: I need to lay down

jesus: SUGA NO NOT AGAIN

daffodudes: AGAIN???

wateri: TF U MEAN AGAIN???

yachi: THIS MAN

yachi: LET GO OF ME WITH ONE HAND AND IS OPENING THE DOOR

yachi: I HAVE NOT FALLEN

sho: KAGEYAMA HAS FaLLEN

yamayama: on his knees ;)

yachi: weee onto the couch i go an

Iwaizumi: you guys are gross.

tobio: my legs are weak im sorry 

yamayama: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

toeru: that voice... earth rumbling...

tobio: im gonna sleep for a periologically long time

toeru: is that a word?

toeru: wait tobio-chan dont-

Iwaizumi: kageyama, get up. stop being extra.

tobio: I am bleeding out and dying

yamayama: and thats on period.. literally

tobio: period

naruto: LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

mother: AHAHAHAA

Iwaizumi: alright then

tobio: wait noNONONONONONONONO

tobio: idfniimvmv

toeru: WAIT ATSUMU BREAK MY ANKELS

sangwoo: sure 

toeru: iwa-chan please pick me

tobio: he said no

toeru: I CAN SEE THAT

yachi: my ankle do be twisted doe


	7. sweepover pwart 1 uwu owo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yamayama: yacchan where are you taking that sock
> 
> yamayama: YACCHAN STOP
> 
> tobio: YACHI JUST PUT IT IN THE BLENDER OMG
> 
> sho: im crying just put the sock in the blender yacchan
> 
> Iwaizumi: WH
> 
> Iwaizumi: WHAT ARE YOU D O I N G?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhhh
> 
> WHAT IS THIS LMAOOO
> 
> oo and also i might right an iwakage fanfic in memory of haikyuu... the last chapter came out yesterday and i was SOBBINGGG
> 
> im not discontinuing this book dont worry ;)
> 
> love y'all and make sure to follow [my tumblr: kristoefurry <333 i have art over there!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/kristoefurry/blog/kristoefurry)

_ toe cult _

sho: sleepover at yacchan’s apartment, who tryna peep?

tobio: dont EVER say that. like ever again.

sho: stfu

tobio: no u

sho: im going to crackle your toes

tobio: im gonna bust your knees and fold u like a piece of construction paper in the second grade.

sho:

yachi:

yachi: so yeah, who’s coming over? my mom’s on a business trip for a week soooo

toeru: I WANNA COME!!

tobio: yacchan has cats that are allergic to brown haired whores

Iwaizumi: good thing im not a whore.

toeru: IFXNFIXFIFR

toeru: WAAAA YOU GUYS ARE MEANN!! :(

yachi: your an exception iwaizumi-san!!

Iwaizumi: awe, thank you yachi. :)

yachi: :DD

tobio: LMAO THIS

tobio: you aint slick yacchan

yachi: lmao shut up before before i drop my couch on your toes

tobio: so aahhah who else is coming?

sho: we are duh

bitch: Sure, why not.

Ushijima: I’ll come as well then.

tobio: and 7MIH is coming too i guess

yachi: and thats on blood exiting the vagina

tobio: yess menstruation cycle

yamayama: these punctuation jokes are getting a little tooo much

Iwaizumi: err.. yeah

naruto: we’re coming

kenoshitah: more like we’re cumming..

kenoshitah: XD

naruto: im going to shoot you

ehnoshitah: xD

ehnoshitah: LOLZ

daffodudes: omgawd thats so funny!! l0l XD

kurhoe: im coming

sho: cool!! what about bokuto-san

kurhoe: he’s cumming

tobio: coming?

kurhoe: i said what i said

tobio:

tobio: i do not get why you guys just have sex while you text us???? is that actually necessary??

sho: dont act like that wont be you in the future, bakayama.

tobio: jokes on you i dont have a future

tobio: not with any family at least

sho: and thats on the periodic table

bitch: That’s on the menstruation crustation station.

yamayama: SHUT UPPP

yamayama: I WAS LIKE 12 OK

Iwaizumi: MENST

Iwaizumi: my sister has one of those-

yamayama: SEE???

Iwaizumi: its terrifying.

yamayama: i know.. 

teruteru: ooo sleepover i wanna come!!

tobio: are you guys gonna ignore that kuroo and bokuto-san are either sexting or fucking?

Iwaizumi: my idiots do it, i dont see a problem.

bigdaddymatsu: exactly

bigmak: ex cac ly

tobio: guess we know who tops

toeru: speaking of topping

toeru: i radiate big dom energy am i right?

semitruck: Hinata could top you.

shiraboo!: goshiki could top you.

tobio: yacchan could top you.

Iwaizumi: Anybody could top you.

Iwaizumi: Shittykawa, you’re a fucking twink.

toeru: HWHA?

tobio: silence, bottom

toeru: don’t be a hypocrite,  _ tobio-chan  _

tobio: 

tobio: huh..?

bitch: Give him a second, he’s a little slow.

tobio: im gonna beat the fuck out of you if you keep talking you tyrannosaurus bitch

bitch:  _ Excuse me? _

bitch: Yeah, I’m gonna fight you.

tobio: do it.

yachi: i sent everybody my address!! hope to see you guys there!! <3

Iwaizumi: thank you, yacchan. :)

yachi: asjshhxbd your welcome!!

tobio: she squealed.

yachi: KAGEYAMA

tobio: what? you’re not slick.

sho: neither are you?

tobio: you are right across from me i will rip your scalp off boke.

tobio: and dont test me.

sho: thats

yachi: violent

bitch: He’s on his period, literally.

tobio: i’m still coming for you jurassic park.

bitch: I’ll be waiting.

Iwaizumi: daichi, you should probably stop that..

father daichi: noted.

sugar: aye yo volleyparents unite!!

jesus: oi!!

yACK: oi! <3

kai!!: oi!! :D

agaasheh: oi.

misakey: oi!!! <333

suzu: oi! <3

yui: oiiii!!

Iwaizumi: oi!

shiraboo!: oi!! :)

semitruck: oi.

teruteru: OI!! <D

sugar: alright volleyparents. today we will not our children: create havoc, get arrested, commit arson, detonate bombs, murder, be murdered, fight, rob a bank, get stuck in trees. anything illegal or stupid. alright?

father daichi: Noted, Kou.

Iwaizumi: don’t forget fuck in public places ahem ahem.

cunt: it was ONE TIME

cunt: ONE T I M E

kai!!: you guys are horny bitches, i’m not as slow as kageyama you see.

tobio:

tobio: oh look its slander kageyama for being slow day.

agaasheh: they cant fuck anywhere actually, this is yacchan’s house. and she’s quite the innocent angel. i know yui and shizmizu haven’t taken their relationship to a sexual level so they appearence of cum stains would be heart stopping to her mom. what is she supposed to say: “i had a sleepover and my friends are horny hoes you cant keep it in their pants so they fucked on the furniture?”

okaoka: ...yeah?

tobio: i mean... what else can she say but the truth?

kai!!: akaashi is completely correct. mrs. hitoka wont be fond of cum stains on her furniture guys...

leviackermen: he kinda shaded us tho...

Iwaizumi: as he should.

footakoochie: as he shouldddd~

aone: mm.

aone: i’ll come as well. and please do refrain from having sexual intercourse on hitoka-san’s furniture. frankly, i dont want to see that.

mai: oooo, sleepover! sounds snazzy.. im in!

sakunami: same! and please dont fuck on the couch thats nasty.

mr.clean: Inuoka, Shibayama? Fuck on the couch and I’ll burn you, the couch, and the whole building.

sangwoo: we’re in.

komori: yep!!

notsangwoo: no.

boba: sure, why not?

notsangwoo: i change my mind.

insomnia: i’ll go to make sure you guys dont die.

yachi: BRING HELEN.

kurhoe: i am not carrying that big bit

yachi: did i stutter?  _ bring.  _ **_helen_ ** _. _

kurhoe: kenma help me get helen in the fucking car.

Iwaizumi: oh god. she’s scary. i like her :)

yachi: asdjfhhsjs

tobio: she squealed again.

yachi: KAGEYAMA

tobio: you literally-

sho: shhhh

bitch: Let her squeal..

yamayama: simp.

yachi: oooooh i will box you.

yamayama: do it

father daichi:  _ GUYS. _

yamayama:

yachi:

tobio:

sho:

bitch:

father daichi: That is besides the point. You  _ are  _ allowed to have fun during this sleepover, but keep thing at a limit. Some people are very uncomfortable with some things.. being honest I would  _ not  _ like to hear moaning and skin slapping at 3 in the morning

jesus: hypocrite... :(

father daichi: shut up.

father daichi: But anyway. You’re allowed to express your love for your partner but mind you, there are other people in the premises. Keep your chaos too a minimum, do you understand?

tobio: yes, sawamura-san.

father daichi: Daichi is fine, Kageyama.

tobio:

tobio: yes, daichi.

sho: yes dadchi!

bitch: Mhm.

yamayama: yes daichi!

yachi: okie dokie, daichi!!

sugar: noted.

jesus: good, i want to sleep

cunt: no promises.

okaoka: yama...

cunt:

cunt: whatever fine.

footacoochie: if aone goes, i go.

cunt: simp

footacoochie: i hope you get stds.

* * *

tobio: i regret coming here.

tobio: oikawa-san your outfit is honestly embarrassing.

sho: ey! dont say that, bakayama. you’re ugly too

tobio: i-

sugar: we are all next to eachother? talk in person???

tobio: then the author wouldnt have content bc she doesnt like actual writing.

sugar:

sugar: what?

sho: oh dont worry he does that a lot.

Iwaizumi: that’s worrying.

toeru: FYI I LOOK GREAT

tobio: who lied to you?

bigmak:

bigmak: AISIDDMAIID

toeru: wow you guys... always bullying little ol’ me.

sho: “little”

kenoshitah: AHAA XD

naruto: STOP.

daffodudes: XDDDDDDD

ehnoshitah: i want to leave

agaasheh: where are bokuto and kuroo?

yachi: kuroo’s in the restroom and uhhh bokuto’s in the kitchen.

agaasheh: 

kaii!: WHO LET THEM GO OFF ON THEIR OWN-

kurhoe: lmao chill im literally in the restroom.

brokuto: im trying to see if yacchan has chocolate i want chocolate yacchan do u have chocolate?

yachi:

yachi: uh yeah, i do!!

brokuto: GREAT! can i have some? :D

yachi: err.. sure!

Iwaizumi: that was uncalled for.

Iwaizumi: wow, i think we’re not gonna have any issues tonight.. huh?

father daichi: Very surprised to say the least.

tobio: im gonna sleep.

sho: wait what? 

yamayama: everybody just got here though?

tobio: i said

tobio: im gonna  _ sleep _

sho: no you are not.

bitch: Don’t be a downer, King.

tobio: oh, you’re here jurassic park. i still need to fight you later.

bitch: Bet.

sho: you guys, no fighting!

toeru: we should make disgusting milkshakes and drink them because we aren’t pussies.

Iwaizumi: i take it back, im leaving.

toeru: aha you wouldn’t.

toeru: wait.

toeru: IWA-CHAN!! :(

yachi: awe no, its been 5 minutes and we lost a comrade. what the heck :(

yamayama: rip iwaizumi

tobio: actually we should make disgusting milkshakes im down. more pain or whatever.

agaasheh: that sounds like a terrible idea. 

agaasheh: kinda wanna try it.

sugar: same...

father daichi: You guys, no.

tobio: who can make the most disgusting, vile, nasty, vomit inducing, repulsive milkshake challenge? and we all have to try eachothers.

brokuto: IM SO DOWN FOR THAT LMAOOO

kurhoe: is there a limit to what we can use?

tobio: no lube, cum, or condoms in the milkshakes kuroo.

kurhoe: what how did

tobio: i may be dense but i’ve known you long enough now to just.. know.

insomnia: yeah ^

yachi: we’re going to be vomiting tonight sisters.

Iwaizumi: that’s so fucking stupid i’m in.

* * *

tobio: we’re putting in ketchup and mayo first

sho: what why?

tobio: they put that in my mcdonalds big mac once. mixed together... NASTY

yachi: i have like expired spaghetti somewhere

yamayama: YES

Iwaizumi: hey yacchan, do you have like year old cheerios? those are fucking gross. 

yachi: why a year old?

Iwaizumi: do you have them or not?

yachi: i

yachi: i do!

Iwaizumi: good, we’ll need those. im gonna fucking crush oikawa no doubt. 

yachi: o-okaY!!

tobio: yacchan cmon keep your composure.

tobio: EW HINATA STOP GET THAT AWAY

toeru: im putting this SOCK in the milkshake yall

kurhoe: WE HAVE TO DRINK THAT NO

toeru:

toeru: GOOD POINT LMAO

brokuto: yacchan we should put a sock in ours

Iwaizumi: yum can’t wait to throw my guts up aha.

yachi: get me a sock tobio

tobio: my sock?

yachi: give me the sock tobio.

tobio: uhhhh hinata give her your sock.

sho: UHHHH IWAIZUMI GIVE HER YOUR SOCK

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: fine.

tobio: thank youuu <3

Iwaizumi: lmao have fun hunched over a trash can

yachi: sieiniix’e

tobio: GREAT

bitch: Are we gonna blend the sock.

Ushijima: Y e s.

bitch:

Ushijima: Blend the sock.

toeru: TETSU-CHAN DONT SPIT IN THE

gosh: THATS NASTY KUROO-SAN WHAT THE FUCK

kurhoe: that is the point you dumbasses. the nastier the better amirite?

toeru:

toeru: NO STOP SPITTING IN THE FUCKING BLENDER

yamayama: yacchan where are you taking that sock

yamayama: YACCHAN STOP

tobio: YACHI JUST PUT IT IN THE BLENDER OMG

sho: im crying just put the sock in the blender yacchan

Iwaizumi: WH

Iwaizumi: WHAT ARE YOU D O I N G?

yachi: UH 

toeru: k yacchan whats the fragrance?

tobio: BELEUEDDUEM

tobio: im feeling na us e o us

sho: BARF IN THE BLENDER

tobio: NO??

bitch: NO DONT I’M NOT DRINKING THAT SHIT IF HE DOES.

kurhoe: EWW LMAO NEITHER AM I\

Iwaizumi: DO NOT THROW UP IN THE BLENDER

mother: guys guys guys.. just put oikawa in the blender.

toeru:

toeru: shimizu-chan... :(

Iwaizumi: split him in half. we call the bottom have its like 10x more gross he has stds.

toeru: IWA-CHAN! :(

tobio: what the fuck

tobio: um

tobio: hey iwaizumi-san can we just borrow another sock

yachi: yeah i dont want blood on the ceiling just give us another sock

Iwaizumi: oh my fucking god

Iwaizumi: FINE.

yamayama: im sitting here watching you yacchan...

mother: do not sniff the sock hitoka-chan.

yachi: hnnng 

yachi: i wont babe >:(

mother: good

tobio: i cannot believe we are blending socks rn

sho: im gonna go get dirt

Iwaizumi: d 

Iwaizumi: good idea, i’ll come with.

yachi: lucky

tobio: can you not be a simp for one second?

yachi:

mother: yeah. we’re kinda trying to poison people rn babe.

yachi: i have  _ rat poison _ .

toeru: im scared

kurhoe: IM CRYI GN

gosh: nononononono look yacchan we dont need to uh do that

tobio: actually. bring out the fucking rat poison

toeru: TOBIO-CHAN STOP INSTIGATING

bitch: NONONO WE HAVE TO DRINK THIS TOO YOU FUCKING MORONS.

yachi:

yachi: whoops, i forgot.

yachi: no rat poison then!!

tobio: hmph

Iwaizumi: we got dirt.

sho: literal dirt.

tobio:Y E S add it.

toeru: lev-chan give us your shirt.

toeru: N O W

leviackermen: WHAT

kurhoe: your sweat smells like ass cheese give us your shirt right fucking now

leviackermen: im sorry what???

kurhoe: do i need to cut it off you?

leviackermen:

leviackermen: here.

kurhoe: thanks dude

yACK: diasuxjwid child friendly child friendly child friendly child friendly child friendly

tobio: 

yachi:

yamayama:

sho:

bitch:

bitch: You guys thinking what I’m thinking?

yamayama: are you thinking what im thinking that you’re thinking?

tobio: are you thinking what he’s thinking that you’re thinking that i’m thinking?

yachi: are you

sho: yes

tobio: good it seems we’re all on the same page here.

bitch: Iwaizumi-san, give us your shirt.

Iwaizumi: what why me?

tobio: give us shirt, no questions asked.

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: ok...?

tobio: wait wait. but take it off s l o w l y

Iwaizumi: thats fuckin.. odd. but ok if it helps us win?

toeru: WHAT ARE YOU UMEFIIA<IF

kurhoe: look away look away look away look away

gosh: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yACK: yo

leviackermen: abchjdlkmnzopqyrstvwe

tobio: EHEEHEH

yachi: GO GO GO GO

bitch: LMAO

sho: WE ARE GENIUSES

brokuto: GENIUSESSSSSS

tobio: I HAVE ACQUIRED SOME NA S TY SHI T

sho: SAME I

yachi: deoenof WHAT HAVE I ACQUIRED WMZDIMEZ

tobio: uh

tobio: have we gotten materials?

bitch: Yep, King.

sho: i think iwaizumi-san is stuck.

toeru: no no this is good. i like the view

bigmak: wait we’re late wat did we miss

bigdaddymatsu: why is iwa strip teasing?

tobio: we’re making repulsive milkshakes. he’s our decoy.

toeru:

toeru: YOU SLY FUCKERS

Iwaizumi: uh iguys im dkinda sutkc

Iwaizumi: hell

sho: LMAOOOOO OK OK

tobio: AHAHIDE

Iwaizumi: its cold in here

yachi: im hot

mother: yes you are ;)

suzu: LMAOOOO

suzu: WE GOT EXPIRED SALSAAAA

teruteru: NICEEEE

boba: AYEEEE

notsangwoo: i

sangwoo: lmaoooo i think omi-san is having a strokeeeee

mr.clean: idiwisjsbx

tobio: give me the shirt iwaizumi-san.

Iwaizumi: uhmmm ok..?

tobio: thank you.

yamayama: KAGEYAMA

sho: no no let him go he’ll be right back

yachi: its all going according to plan MUAHAHA

yachi: anyway put the cheese in the blender you whore

bitch: Sure, slut.

yachi: thanks bitch <3

Iwaizumi: yachi why do you have 10 year old granola bars??

Iwaizumi: WHY IS THERE LIKE 2 LEFT?

yachi:

yachi: 10 YEARS OLD???

yachi: MY NEIGHBOR GAVE THOSE TO ME OMFG

yachi: THEY TASTED FUNNYYY AND I DIDNT KNOW WHY AGGSHJSKIXIX

Iwaizumi: YACHI OH MY FUCKING GOD

toeru: YACCHAN LMAO

tobio: TF YOU MEAN THEY TASTED FUNNY LIKE DID YOU NOT THINK TO CHECK?

tobio: HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD THOSE???

yachi: for like a weeeek

tobio: rip yacchan you dumb bitch.

mother: BABE

mother: you’re going to a hospital

yachi: ahhh i feel fine tho. i vomited a couple of times yesterday which was the last time i ate them i swear

mother: YOU ACTUALLY FINISHED THEM?

yachi: I WAS HUNGRYYYY

Iwaizumi: im going to buy you actual granola bars thats so fucking ridiculous.

mother: tell me when and i’ll come with.

Iwaizumi: alr.

toeru: t tobio-chan?

tobio: yes?

toeru: HNNNN

kurhoe: kageyama come hug me right this second

toeru: shut the fuck up tetsu-chan.

toeru: tobio-chan come hug me.

kurhoe: BITCH

brokuto: actuallly this is our kageyama back off

tobio: lmao what

toeru: GIVE ME A HUG >:(

tobio: uhh ok?

Iwaizumi: woah woah wait is that my

sho: ITS PART OF THE PLAN

yachi: WE HAVE LIKE 2 MINUTES LEFT JUST GO FIND MORE DISGUSTING STUFFF

teruteru: 2 MINUTES???

semitruck: im TAKING HELEN’S FEATHER KUROO

kurhoe: WHAT NO

Ushijima: Oh my g o d.

sugar: LMAOOOAIIIMDXIXNSN TERUSHIMA LITERALLY WHIPPED OUT BOBATA’S BOXERS AHAHHHSHHXHm

boba: WHAT

notsangwoo:  _ what? _

sangwoo: OMI-SAN GET THE CLOROX WIPE OUTTT OF THE BLENDER RN

mr.clean: NO!

Iwaizumi: I JUST SHOVED THE WHOLE GRANOLA BOX IN THE BLENDER IS THAT OKAY?

tobio: PERFECT

suzu: SHIROFUKI 

teruteru: NOT THE PADDDD AHAHAHHAICMFMI

boba: NOT THE TAMPON TOOO ADDODEMIFZOSS

  
  


sho: IWAIZUMI IS THAT A PICTURE OF NATHAN DAVIS JUNIOR???

Iwaizumi: YEAH YEAH

tobio: AHAHAHAISMINDM

yachi: ANDDD TIMES U P

yachi: startt blending!!

Iwaizumi: our blender is going to fucking explode.

tobio: IM SCARED OF IT

sho: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

bitch: LMAAOAXOOAMAODDAOH

Ushijima: PFFT-

toeru: IM SCREAMING ITS SPAZZING OUTTTT

kurhoe: THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA AIMDMDIDDICDN

suzu: BRO OURS IS GOING TO LITERALLY EXPLODE

teruteru: THE TAMPON IS GONNA BREAK IT 

shirocoochie: DID IT FOR THE TIKTOK

mother: it was nerf or nothing LMAO

yachi: we put nerf bullets in ours

tobio: ah look at this chaos, nice. right iwaizumi-san?

Iwaizumi: mhm.

toeru: WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A NEWLY WED COUPLE LOOKING AT THEIR NEW HOME IN EVERY CLICHE ROMANCE MOVIE

kurhoe: HAND ON WAIST AND EVERYTHING

sho: OMG ITS ACTUALLY BLENDING

Iwaizumi: EW it looks so CHUNKY

tobio: YUM LMAOAOAOA

toeru: i cant believe we have to drink this

* * *

toeru: bone apple teeth guys

tobio: it smells so bad i

sho: EW EW

yachi: OMGGG IM SCARED

Iwaizumi: fuck it

tobio: IWAIZUMI-SAN

Iwaizumi:

sho: HE RANNNN

tobio: for iwaizumi-san’s sacrifice...

yamayama: we shall..

bitch: Consume this complete and udder mistake.

mother: mhm.

yachi: OH MY GOD IT TASTES EVEN WORSEEE

tobio: i can really taste the toessxjndbbxeoxjsj

sho: HE JUST

sho: EWW BAKAYAMA

Iwaizumi: i am glad i did not consu

Iwaizumi: KAGEYAMA??

tobio:s idi i ffel gros

Iwaizumi: kages.. 

Iwaizumi: you’re not drinking anymore of that.

tobio: NO

tobio: I AM NO PUSSSSSY

yachi: THATS OUR QUEEEEEEN

sho: HE’S CHUGGING IT

Iwaizumi: oh my fucking god

toeru: tetsu-chan is repeatedly vomitting uncontrollably.

suzu: ITS SO BAD

sugar: EWWWWWWWWWW

bitch: ididjxhsoo

sho: OUR WHOLE TEAM LOOKS LIKE THEY R E GONN AI DIE

sho: IEIMECmxdmd

father daichi: I am glad that I did not participate in this activity! :)   
  
  



	8. Th EK ILLING GAME??? + bokuroo uwu owo?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> notsangwoo: i think it was kokichi
> 
> tobio: wait a damn minute.
> 
> sho: IM RUNNING IM RUNNING IM RUNNING
> 
> insomnia: oh shit what
> 
> teruteru: yall............

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im BACKKKK~

_hap birf oikw_

Iwaizumi: this party has gone haywire, im taking kageyama home btw yall are idiots for thinking doin tiktoks in the rain was smart.

agaasheh: has anybody seen bokuto-san? kuroo pulled him out of the room earlier and i havent seen him since. 

insomnia: i heard yelling, i think they’re sorting something out, give them a minute.

agaasheh:

agaasheh: shouldn’t we check up on them? that sounds kind of worrying...

sugar: as irresponsible as they can be, i’m sure they’ll figure it out. its fine, akaashi, dont worry too much ok?

agaasheh: ok..

  
  


* * *

  
  


It was most certainly _not_ fine.

“What?” Bokuto asked as Kuroo pulled him into an empty room in Oikawa’s apartment. They were at Oikawa’s birthday party and being honest, things got pretty heated. Most people were drunk out of their mind, soaking wet and half naked, or passed out. But none of that is the issue right now. Kuroo is _tired_ of pretending.

  
  


“Did that day mean _anything to you?_ ” Kuroo spat right off the bat. Bokuto physically flinched and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. The dark-haired boy scowled. 

  
  


“Bokuto, did that mean _anything_ to you, at all?” Kuroo questioned again, tone sharper and more harsh. Realization wiped over Bokuto’s features as he came to process what Kuroo was asking. In response, he shrugged, “We agreed not to talk about it, didn’t we? I don’t think it meant that much..” he said nonchalantly, “Is there a problem?” he asked innocently.

  
  


Kuroo snarled, “Fuck yeah there is, jackass. What the hell was that?” he pointed in the direction of the others outside, gaze never leaving Bokuto. 

  
  


“What was _what_ Kuroo?”

  
  


His scowl only deepened. Is Bokuto going to write off the fact that he casually just seated himself in Iwaizumi’s lap like it was nothing? Like they’d been dating? Married? _Well might as well fuckin’ give him a lap dance, right?_

  
  


Fuck, that thought pissed him off so much.

  
  


“So you’re gonna look me in the fucking eyes and say that you _don’t know_ that you nearly gave Iwaizumi over there a _fucking_ lap dance?” Kuroo jabbed a finger at the latter’s chest, stepping forward and downright forcing Bokuto to take a step back. “Lap dance? Kuroo, you’re either mistaking me for another person or you’re being overdramatic as hell. I did _not_ give Iwaizumi a lap dance.” Bokuto retorted defensively, “Can I not have fun anymore? And why do you even care! You’re not my boyfriend, Kuroo!” he exclaimed.

  
  


_Oh._

  
  


Before Kuroo could even control himself he was swinging his fist and landing one right on Bokuto’s face. The latter grunted and yelped in response, clutching nose. Bewildered, Bokuto could only stare at the taller, nothing but pure fear, confusion and downright _rage_ dancing in his eyes.

  
  


“ _He isn’t your boyfriend either,_ ” Kuroo spat, his words dripping with venom. Bokuto’s eyes widened and he quickly removed his hand off of his face to shove the other away. Much to his surprise, it left a visible bloodstain on Kuroo’s shirt. A _bloodstain._

  
  


He was _bleeding_.

  
  


“What the fuck is your problem, dude!” Bokuto yelled, “I never said _anything_ about him being my boyfriend, for fucks sake I don’t even like him like that! Iwaizumi is one of my closest friend’s you dick. Open your fucking eyes,” Bokuto shouted, raising his hand to feel at his swelling nose.

  
  


“As if you’re not oogling at him half of the time,” Kuroo growled, stepping closer to Bokuto.

  
  


Bokuto carefully wiped away the blood trickling over his lip, “Get the fuck away from me!” he yelled before pulling his fist back and punching the taller straight in the mouth with all his might. Kuroo stumbled backwards and groaned in pain, handing clasping over his lips. “Since when did _you_ decide who the fuck _I_ liked? It’s none of your buisness who I find interest in, you’re not me and you’ll never _be_ me, Kuroo!” Bokuto pointed an accusatory finger at the male who was rubbing the blood off of his busted lip.

  
  


“Why do you even care so much anyway? I’ve asked and you won’t fucking answer,” he snarled.

  
  


Another punch.

  
  


And another, and another. At this point it wasn’t even about confronting feelings it was about beating the frustration out of each other. The two fought and wrestled for what seemed like hours, neither backing down until the other gave up. Kuroo straddled Bokuto’s hips as he landed several hits on his face, each one becoming less intense as the other. Bokuto’s face was bruised and bloody, but Kuroo’s wasn’t any different. Scratch marks littered his cheeks and a he was sporting quite the nasty black eye, the scratches descended further down his body, as well as bite marks and bruises. His lip was busted and blood was dribbling down his chin and dripping onto Bokuto’s top.

  
  


His swings weakened and became little pats on the face. Eventually, they stopped all together. The two panted heavily, the post-fight-exhaustion taking ahold of them.

  
  


Kuroo slumped against Bokuto’s body, head nestled between his shoulder and neck. Bokuto’s hands came to wrap around Kuroo’s torso and held tightly. No words were exchanged between the two. They simply laid down on the carpeted floor and shared that one warm embrace; he didn’t mind to be honest. It gave Kuroo some time to think about everything. Like how this was _painfully_ stupid. He wanted to talk to Bokuto not the brawl with him. He acted on his own and he regretted it.

  
  


Well, half regretted it. It felt nice to relieve his anger. Kuroo was sure he could have just as easily gone to a gym and beat the shit out of a punching bag, but in that exact moment he _really_ needed to let his frustrations out. And let his frustrations out he _did._ Seeing Bokuto with somebody else―truth be told―really fuckin’ _infuriated_ him. Bokuto wasn’t even his, but watching him slide into Iwaizumi’s lap with such ease triggered something in him. That it should be _him_ Bokuto’s cuddling up to. He wants it to be him so desperately, and he really wanted to get his point across. Kuroo would have never thought it would be this.

  
  


“You ready to explain now?” Bokuto asked softly as to not puncture the peaceful atmosphere they’d established. Kuroo paused. Was he ready? 

  
  


What if Bokuto turned him down? What if he’d put Bokuto through all this just to have him turn away? To have him _leave._

  
  


“Kuroo, you’re thinking too deep into it. Are you ready to talk or not?” the other asked again and this time Kuroo gave a small nod.

  
  


Bokuto hummed and patted at Kuroo’s back. He took the signal and sat up. His lip stung, but the bleeding had seemed to gradually slow itself. Kuroo glanced down at the spot where he once laid. Blood smudged across the span of Bokuto’s tanned shoulder. The sight of it made him wince. He shuffled back slightly to give Bokuto more space, allowing him sit up, using his elbows as leverage.

  
  


More seconds of silence.

  
  


“Kuroo, why did you do all that?” Bokuto asked, “No, why do you care so much. I still don’t have an answer and I’d appreciate one,” he pouted, gesturing towards his face. Kuroo’s own face scrunched up in guilt and he muttered a small _‘sorry’_ and hung his head low. He really shouldn’t have done that. Akaashi and Kenma are going to have his _wig_.

  
  


“Kuroo,” the boy under him called out again. Kuroo didn’t move to look up at him. It would be better if he didn’t anyway. The dark-haired boy inhaled deeply and exhaled longly before―

  
  


“I like you, a lot.”

  
  


Kuroo finally looked into his golden eyes, anxiously smiling, “I did it because I like you, I care because I like you,” he continued on, “And now that I think about it this was really fuckin’ stupid. I—I served the first hit and―and proceeded to fight you all because I couldn’t confront how I really felt. I asked if that day at the Glory Donut meant something to you because it was the day I realized I _really_ liked you,” he began to laugh, “And I don’t even know if you like me back I―”

  
  


Bokuto reached out to the rambling male, cupping his cheeks and pulling him in. 

  
  


That spoke for itself.

* * *

  
  
Iwaizumi: why are you two bloody

Iwaizumi: and bruised. what the fuck did you guys do

brokuto: we’re dating??

toeru: y’all fought at my borned day part e

tobio: you guys....

Iwaizumi: Kageyama, go to sleep.

tobio: i’m ok i swear.

sho: no you’re not im sitting right next to you

tobio: lmao shut up bitch

kurhoe: w-we’re dating???

agaasheh: _at what cost_

sangwoo: yk why didnt we have the party at chuck e cheese

notsangwoo: bc this purple haired bitch working with noya banned us you stupid bitch.

notsangwoo: wasnt his name cockitch or something

sangwoo: COCKITCH?

mr.clean: Cock-

sho: i don’t think that was his name miya-san

sho: or uhhhh osamu-san?

notsangwoo: i dont wanna be known as his brother thx

sangwoo: WOW

tobio: your name is literally sangwoo that’s honestly understandable

sangwoo: good point

yachi: why did you guys fight at oikawa’s birthday party

insomnia: i hate you guys you’re so stupid.

kai!!: uhhhh lets move on ahahah

toeru: so like im older now

Iwaizumi: closer to death im so grateful

toeru: IWA-CHAN

bigmak: one year closer to death god i cant wait

wateri: YESSSS

inno: no, oikawa-senpai dont die :(

bark: _die_

inno:

inno: kyou said die so die

toeru: you’re a simp 

bark: im going to kick your grandma 

toeru: MY GRANDMA???

bigmak: GRANDMA IAJDJJ

tobio: HIS FUCKING GRANDAMSJAJJDJ

sho: NO SJSJEJEDJ

yamayama: GRANDMA OIKAW A? IM SCWEAMINFJSJD

bitch: IM SORRY HWAH????

yachi: IM SHAKING

mother: please stop she’s shaking violently

mother: baby calm down he’s not actually gonna

bark: what’s your address

bark: drop the fuckin addi oikawa

Iwaizumi: uhhh don’t get the grandma but get him

bark:

bark: yes iwaizumi-san.

inno: SIMP

bark: YOU ARE MY _BOYFRIEND_

sho: kageyama just got up and started running and laughing

yachi: LMAOOAOAOAO

tobio: AJAJSHAJSKSJDJE

bitch: HE

yamayama: RUN NING

tobio: JAJAJAJASJHHSJJE

toeru: NOT THE JAJAJA

yachi: KEKEKEKEDSJJESJ

yamayama: HWWHWHAHWHAHWHAH

teruteru: WHY ISHE LAUGJUIGN LIEK THAT HUEHUEHSIEAJS

Iwaizumi: HUEUE??? BWAHAHAHHSIAJISEJSJD

bigmak: IS IWA THE ONLY PERSON WHO LAUGHS LIKE A SANE HUMAN BEiNG ASSHSHAHAHASKJEJEJESKSKSKSJEHEHEKEKEKSJSJKEKEKEKUKUKJSJSJEE

bigdaddymatsu: CAN YOU EVEN SSJJSJJAKSSKSKSK

tentoe: UWWUWUWUWUWUWEUUEUWUEJSJZJSHZKS

toeru: THESE LAUFS LAUVLAUVLAUVLAUVKAJSJJESJEJS

wateri: LAUVSSEJSJEJSJEJJSJEJSJEJSJJEJSJEJ

sugar: YOU GUYS AAAKAKAKAKAKAKSJAJJSJXJXJ

father daichi: SUGA LAUGHS LIKE MR. FUCKING CRABS HEHEBOIEJSJJEJSJKDK

Ushijima: Pfft

semitruck: LELELELELELESKKDJSJEJSJ

gosh: FUFUFUFSJDJJSJDK

tobio: THAT WAS SO FUUNNY I RAN 4 MIESLES JAJAJASSOESJDJe

sho: 4 MILES??? DOREMIFASOLALAKSIEJSJI#ISKS

bitch: DO REASJAJJAJAJAJSJJEISKEJSJXMEJSJEHEHEEH

bigmak: IWAIZUMI JUST STARTED JUMPING AND SQUEALING I CANT BREEV

bigdaddymatsu: HE cant BREEEVSJDSJJDJE

bigdaddymatsu:  _callthefuckingambulance.mp4_

tobio:

tobio: cut the cameras deadass

sho: he just stopped laughing so fast DOREMIFASOLATIDOSDJEJSJEEJS

tobio: why is he

tobio: IM RUN NINH 

yamayama: NOT THE MARATHON PZZJSLZLZLZLZL

teruteru: HUEHUEHWHUEHUEWHUEHUE

toeru: LAUVLAUVLAUVLAUVBYLaUVSJDJSJJEJS

bitch: THE MARATHON I CANNOT-

sugar: AKAKAKKSJSJEJSJEJSK

agaasheh: i hate it here

insomnia: pff puhuhu

sugar:

yamayama:

teruteru:

tobio:

tobio: lemme stop running

tobio: is this a killing game?

teruteru: WHY DID THE DANGANRONPA SUSPENSE MUSIC JUST

insomnia: pu..hu..hu..PUHUHUHUHU

agaasheh:

agaasheh: JUNKO FUCKIN’ ENOSHIMA

teruteru: SHIII IM NOT BOUTA DIE RN BYE

Iwaizumi: WHAT???

Iwaizumi: BAHAHAHSIWAJJES

bigmak: HE’S AT IT AGAIN YALL

tobio: bro who did it who killed byakuya

teruteru: dont look at me

notsangwoo: OHHHY THATW AS HIS NAMEEE

sangwoo: do you remember now???

notsangwoo: i think it was kokichi

tobio: wait a damn minute.

sho: IM RUNNING IM RUNNING IM RUNNING

insomnia: oh shit what

teruteru: yall............

rollingdepression: uhm how do y’all know kokichi?

sangwoo: IM FLYING IM OUTTA HERE

yamayama: IVE PACKED MY BAGS IM LITERALLY SPRINTING OUT Of MY HOME WITH SUITCASES

yamayama: NOT TODAY

tobio: did somebody actually kill byakuya..

teruteru: I KNOW Y’ALL STARIN AT MY USERNAME ITS NOT ME

Ushijima: I think it was Terushima.

bitch: EVEN TOSHI KNOWS 

Iwaizumi: I CA NTO BRBWAVE EHAHEJSAHAHHAHJSJESJ

bigmak: as fun as this is

bigmak: actually call an ambulance he’s turning purple


	9. more chats poggers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oikasuckmydick: iwa-chan may have fucked up his guts
> 
> oikasuckmydick: but rn he wants to fuck up tobio-chans
> 
> hanamakenzie ziegler: amen
> 
> daddymatsukawa: amennn
> 
> the simp: not amen?
> 
> kurooslefttiddie: stop capping iwa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weewooooo, btw. in the prett e setters chat  
> the one with a semi name is shirabu  
> the one with a shirabu name is semi  
> kodzuken is obv kenma  
> daichisphatcock is..... self explanatory.. (suga)  
> and cancelled is atsumu <3
> 
> AND BEFORE I GET CANCELLED... im black. please dont take the jokes offensive racially. bbc they're not meant to attack the race but to ridicule those who shame and disrespect the race. (tiktokers who have openly said the n word, made racist remarks, done blackface, mocked the african american culture, or disrespected blm).
> 
> also enjoy that really nasty convo that i literally had to day in the iwa-chan's a simp chat thx for coming to my funeral k enjoy

_ toe cult _

tobio: why am i here again?

sho: bc u need to go outside more?

bitch: You’re literally as pale as paper.

tobio: and you’re not??

toeru: IT’LL BE FUN CMONNN

bigmak: POOL POOL POOL POOL

Iwaizumi: i’m only here for parental supervision

bigdaddymatsu: IWA IS OUR EYECANDY

Iwaizumi: i- i’m not getting in the pool..

toeru: not willingly

Iwaizumi:

Iwaizumi: say sike rn

tobio: fine i’m only putting my feet in

sho: better than nothing

bitch: Better hope Oikawa doesn’t suckle on your toes

toeru: EXCUSE ME??

yamayama: SPKESKDXKKK

tobio: have fun tasting chlorine

toeru: IM NOT GONNA

bigmak: i can attest to that statement

toeru: what the FUCK

Iwaizumi: shittykawa the toe suckler

Ushijima: See maybe if you

toeru: shut up

sho: SEKSKESJE

tobio: AYE FUCK YALL

yamayama: how is your phone still working

tobio: water proof lauv <3

bitch: NOT THE LAUV SKKSKRSK

sho: LAUV LAUV LAUV

yachi: AYE YO NISHINOya iS DROW INNG

daffodudes: HELP HIM PZLZZZZ

ehnoshitah: HALP HELP HEYLP

kehnoshitah: BRUHH PLZ SOMEBODY SAEV HM

naruto: IM VTYIN PLZL SAVE ITJIM

Iwaizumi: i-

Iwaizumi: hold my fucking phone...

ehnoshitah: IWAIZUMI PLZ I DONT WANT HIM TO DIE

naruto: rip nishinoya yuu, october 10, 1995 - august 9, 2020

kehnoshitah: CAN U NOT MANIFEST HIS DEATH RN NARITA

sugar: MY SON IS WH A T???

ehnoshitah: HE” FUCKING DROWNING SUGAR

Father Daichi: WHADKSJEJ

Father Daichi: HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS!

tobio: WHY IS NOYA-SENPAI DROWNING YALL

daffodudes: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT wKDSJJESJD

toeru: calm down you guys, iwa-chan is swimming back with him rn

jesus: uh!! i can perform cpr!! ^^

sho: asahi just wants to kiss noya-senpai.........

jesus:

jesus: aha... just let me do it..

Iwaizumi: i literally told myself i wasnt gonna get in the pool but nishinoya had to go and almost fucking drown.

toeru: looks like you have to go into the pool now mr. lifeguard

tobio: im getting outKSKSJSKD

bitch: WHO GRABBED AT HIS ANKLES YALL

sho: WHO DID IT

naruto: r.i.p kageyama tobio, december 22, 1996 - august 9, 2020.. 

ehnoshitah: BRU PLZ

kehnoshitah: I THINK HE’S ACTUALLY GONNA DIE Rn

daffodudes: he’s back

tobio: im getting out im getting out im getting out

tobio: i think i have a chronic fear of drowning thanks yall

sho: AWE NOOO WHO RUINED IT >:(

toeru:

bigmak: it was oikawa

toeru: IT WAS JUST A PRANK BRO

tobio: not funny bro........

Iwaizumi: i look away for one second and kageyama almost drowns. 

bitch: Now we got a ankle snatcher in the pool.

rollingdepression: TANAKA

daffodudes: NOYA

Father Daichi: You two.... are stupid.

Iwaizumi: very

toeru: WIJSKDDKE TOBIO

tobio: REVENGE HOE

toeru: I ThIHNK I SWALLOWED POOL WATER YOU DICKHEAD

bigmak: OIKAWA SEJAJDKEJS

sho: SKDSMEKS OIKAWAAA

naruto: rest in peace oikawa tooru... his favourite food was milk bread and...h-his personal m-motto i-is.... i-i cant do this somebody finish for me...........

sugar: i-if you’re gonna hit it,,,,,,, h-hit it... till it... breaks....  _ sniffles and sobs _

bigmak: rest in peace....

tentoes: rip.....

yACK: another has fallen....

leviackermen: fly high ankles...

tobio: ANKLES?

sangwoo: ankles?

notsangwoo: no-

mr.clean: I’m  _ running. _

sangwoo: BUM GET BACK HERE

yACK: EXCUSE ME?

sugar: YALL...........

tobio: i n33d to lay down rn

* * *

_ prett-e setters _

toesucklerkawa: man this name sucks!! tetsu-chan is so mean to me :(

aka: toe...huh?

kurooslefttiddie: cant take back the cheese on my paper deal, oikawa.

tobio: what is this??

cancelled: TOBIO-KUN

cancelled: IT HAS BEEN A YEAR YOU FINALLY SHOW UP HERE

tobio: a year?????????

cancelled: bruh....why am i still cancelled.....

shirabusstds: yall atsumu said the n word...

semistoefungus: you aint our melanin king twin...

cancelled: look i censored it the song said snicker!!

daichisphatcock: megan thee stallion is black you stupid whore

cancelled: I KNOW

toesucklerkawa: he’s racist and blind.....

cancelled: yall

tobio: wha

kodzuken: what the hell

aka: im like

aka: SHOOK

kurooslefttiddie: see cancelld asfffff

cancelled: :(

toesucklerkawa: so n e way y’all..........ei-chan! do you think you can give me them today?

shirabusstd: oikawa your skincare ingredient list is literally 157 pages long, no i haven’t gottem them.

toesucklerkawa: complain later deliver now

shirabusstd: do you WANT them or NOT

toesucklerkawa: amazon faster than this

shirabusstd: do i look like amazon to you??

semistoefungus: you built like an amazon truck

shirabusstd: yo omg where

kurooslefttiddie: where what.

shirabusstd: where did i ask for shirabu’s dumbass opinion you big bitch.

semistoesfungus: everything you say is asking for my judgement you glizzy

shirabusstd: you literally smell like toe nail clippings, 10 year old cheerios and hot dog water.

semistoefungus: according to my name bitch you have athletes foot. cheese toes.

toesucklerkawa: can yall stfu

semistoesfungus: stfu oikawa your hair looks like ushijima’s succulent

kurooslefttiddie: DAMN

toesucklerkawa: did crooked bangs say something?

tobio: D A M N

shirabusstd: not make me get iwa-chan you brick wall

toesucklerkawa: says the big bitch

_ shirabusstd added Iwaizumi _

Iwaizumi: shittykawa i know you aint talking you literally drink bean juice and you’re built like my staircase.

Iwaizumi: you  _ smell  _ like hotdog water and your personality is equivalent to that of a dead bleeding mosquito

Iwaizumi: got something to say now?

toesucklerkawa: no

tobio: DAMNNNEKSKSKD

cancelled: guys im so sorry for saying the n word. i know i shouldnt have said it and i was uneducated and didnt know it was an offensive word. i was only saying what the song said. megan thee stallion is an icon and i didnt mean to disrespect her or her culture with the video. i have taken it down and i promise that i will not repeat my actions. sorry to those i offended with the things ive done and said. especially sorry to the black community im specific and i do not expect you to like me but i will only like your forgiveness... -atsumu

Iwaizumi: stfu notes apology

cancelled: BRUH...

toesucklerkawa: im kicking you now iwa-chan this is setters and setters only

Iwaizumi: kuroo literally isn’t a setter

toesucklerkawa: kuroo’s team has the most tea your point is?

Iwaizumi: good point

Iwaizumi: cya

  
  


_ Iwaizumi left the chat _

_ cancelled changed their name to sewerwater _

  
  


sewerwater: so back to tooru-kuns goodies

toesucklerkawa: do not call them that

kodzuken: semi how are the goodies?

toesucklerkawa: bruh.

shirabusstd: yall must be helen keller cuz i SAID they here yet. my sister’s shipping them chilllll

semistoefungus: he’s unreliable and he’s scamming you oikawa

toesucklerkawa: ei-chan..

shirabusstd: shut your fucking fuck shirabu

tobio: talk about tension

sewerwater: enemies to lovers type shit

shirabusstd: EW WHY

aka: wait how did kageyama not see this for a year.....

kodzuken: he’s kageyama

* * *

_ iwa-chan’s a simp~ _

_ oikasuckmydick added 10+ people _

oikasuckmydick: so

sangwoo’s basement: what

the simp: what the fuck oikawa

kurooslefttiddie: i literally dont need any context 

the best ace 69: what?

fuck bitches get money: lmao what is this??

fuck bitches get money: and who is sangwoo’s basement are you ok

sangwoo’s basement: its atsumu what do you expect.

fuck bitches get money: o

oikasuckmydick: glad you joined yama-chan!!

fuck bitches get money: not willingly

fuck boys get bitches money: your welcome oikawa

oikasuckmydick: thank you yuuji-chan :)

the simp: what is with you guy’s names.....

semisstd: very expressive and creative we know

shirabuschlamydia: stds is so overrated, you got chlamydia bitch

semisstd: b e t?

  
  


_ semisstd changed their name to semisgonorrhea _

  
  


shirabuschlamydia: oh damn.

semisgonorrhea: exactly stfu

shirabuschlamydia: touche

fuck boys get bitches money: what is this for again?

fuck bitches get money: yeah, oikawa

the simp: literally do not

oikasuckmydick: so as you know iwa-chan has a crush on tobio-chan.

fuck bitches get money: AS YOU KNOW?

kurooslefttiddie: was that supposed to be obvious to us or like

daddymatsukawa: did y’all not know?

hanamakenzie ziegler: it was actually really obvious

sangwoo’s basement: i barely know iwaizumi but go off

oikasuckmydick: yall actin like this is rocket science....

the simp: shut the fuck up.

semisgonorrhea: it IS??

shirabuschlamydia: bruh moment yall...

the best ace 69: i know im like really dumb but i didnt even know this one dude..

oikasuckmydick: damn we know ok, thats not the point. 

oikasuckmydick: today we are here on this faithful afternoon

oikasuckmydick: to help iwa-chan get with tobio-chan

oikasuckmydick: so he can achieve his bdsm fantasies

oikasuckmydick: or was that hanamaki

hanamakenzie ziegler: dude...

oikasuckmydick: not you tryna get choked by matsukawa...

fuck bitches get money: DAMN THATS BOUTA BE ON SIGHTTT

fuck boys get bitches money: NO NO THATS JUST WHAT THEY’RE INTO

fuck boys get bitches money: THERE’S ZERO ABUSE

fuck bitches get money: yuuji... im calling the poli hee hee ce...

the simp: i mean if he consents...

fuck bitches get money: so if he  _ dies  _ whats finna happen??

the simp: im pretty sure nnobody is gonna die...

fuck bitches get money: killing with consent aint saving you from prison

kurooslefttiddie: but kidnapping with consent is? yeah yamaguchi i aint forget

fuck bitches get money: well in 2 - 3 years when yall getting a call like, “uh sorry to... break it to you but like... hanamaki is dead... dead as hell..”

the simp: i am pretty sure bdsm isn’t that bad.

fuck bitches get money: and? you wouldn’t know...

fuck bitches get money: unless..

the simp: unless...

fuck bitches get money: IWAIZUMI HAJIME I KNEW IT

the simp: brooo im kidding...

the simp: ...

oikasuckmydick: whats the account

the simp: what account...

oikasuckmydick: the ph account dont act dumb

the simp: uhm i use twitter dude

oikasuckmydick:

fuck boys get bitches money: EWWWW ARE YOU THE GIRL WHO CAME A GALLON AND LICKED IT UP

the simp: EWWW NO

the simp: ive seen that shit... nasty

oikasuckmydick: you’re my like best friend iwa-chan.. if u crossdress and make porn on twitter just tell me

the simp: i am telling you the truth..

the simp: i would never like up my cum...

fuck bitches get money: SO YOU DO HAVE A TWITTER ACC

the simp: blocked

oikasuckmydick: that was besides the point yall

oikasuckmydick: iwa-chan may have fucked up his guts

oikasuckmydick: but rn he wants to fuck up tobio-chans

hanamakenzie ziegler: amen

daddymatsukawa: amennn

the simp: not amen?

kurooslefttiddie: stop capping iwa

the simp: bruh

the best ace 69: BRUH MOMENT CHURROO

kurooslefttiddie: churro??

kurooslefttiddie: imma ignore that hoe

the best ace 69: love you <3

kurooslefttiddie: love you too <3

oikasuckmydick: SIMP

the simp: yeah?

oikasuckmydick: oh my god 

choking kink: what i missed the choking kink talk?

choking kink: dayum

cunnilingus: UHM HECK

cunnilingus: looks like i cant change this now

the simp: see i know mr. strangulation over there is sugawara, but who are  _ you??/ _

cunnilingus: that my friend, is a 

choking kink: HINATA AHSJEKSEK

cunnilingus: SHUT THE UP

the simp: HINATA???

oikasuckmydick: 

oikasuckmydick: aha

oikasuckmydick: uhm

oikasuckmydick: moving on

embodiment of bdsm: OH WHATS THIS??

forced into bdsm: Oh.

the simp: ARE YOU GUYS OK?

ate kenma out: oh fuck

is kenma: FUCK

the simp: AKAASHI TOO?

ate kenma out: how did you

submissive whore: OH MY GODDD

the simp: WHO

kurooslefttiddie: FUCK YOU FORGOT TO

submissive whore: IM SUPPOSED TO BE MOM FIGURE WHY DID I FORGOT TO

oikasuckmydick: that is either yaku or noboyuki

yacku: what?

oikasuckmydick: question answered

oikasuckmydick: ykw??  _ @everyone _

oikasuckmydick: INTRODUCE YOURSELF NOWWWWW

the simp: alright stfu

the simp: iwaizumi

kuroolefttiddie: kuroo

ate kenma out: 

ate kenma out: akaashi...

hanamakenzie ziegler: hanamaki

daddymatsukawa: matsukawa

fuck bitches get money: yamaguchi

fuck boys get bitches money: terushima

shirabuschlamydia: semi

semisgonorrhea: shirabu

embodiment of bdsm: TENDOU!!

oikasuckmydick: not surprised

forced into bdsm: Goshiki...

the simp:

semisgonorrhea:

shirabuschlamydia:

oikasuckmydick: surprised

ate out kenma:

is kenma: 

is kenma: do you need us to

forced into bdsm: No! It’s just a little embarrassing to have this exposed, haha...

the simp: i really thought you were ushijima.

tyrannousarous kink: Uh, no.

cunnilingus:

choking kink: 

cunnilingus: funny seeing you here tsukkishima kei.

the best ace 69: brokuto koutabro B)

kurooslefttiddie: aha 69.. nice B)

cunnilingus: hinata shoyo smh

choking kink: suga

oikasuckmydick: tooru! 

oikasuckmydick: pretty sure that was everyone for now

the simp: im gonna hate it here

tyrannosarous kink: I

tyrannosarous kink: This ain’t even how you spell Tyrannosaurus, I didn’t do this shit..


	10. haikyuu hype house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tobio: its the tony lopez mannerisms for me
> 
> toeru: WOAH WOAH WHAT
> 
> simp: LMAOOO EXKJSEJSK WHAT
> 
> cunnilingus: NOT KAGS BRINGING IN TONY LOPEZ..
> 
> tobio: its the having a brother better than you for me.........
> 
> toeru: keep ondreaz outta this..........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not my fic catching de...unfunny..
> 
> anyway chile.. enjoy this shit i wrote at 12 in the morning without my glasses <333333

_ iwa-chan’s a simp _

tyrannosauros kink: So what’s this?

is kenma: we’re helping iwaizumi get with kageyama.

the simp:

the simp: that’s about right..

oikasuckmydick: flabbergasted, i know. you’re best friend loving your nemesis.. betrayal. i know.

the simp: well it’s not my fault that  _ i  _ had to take care of your ‘nemesis’ because you couldn’t and he ended up being adorable.

tyrannosauros kink: 

oikasuckmydick:

is kenma:

ate out kenma: pretty sure half of that is your own fault, iwaizumi-san.

submissive whore: yeah...

kurooslefttiddie: but is it entirely your fault if your friend got you stuck with an adorable person?

cunnilingus: are we gonna ignore nobuyuki’s name?

submissive whore: are we gonna ignore yours?

cunnilingus: touche

semisgonorrhea: yeah pretty sure thats iwaizumi-san’s fault

semisgonorrhea: you didn’t  _ have  _ to be a nice person

shirabuschlamydia: but isn’t it your job as a senpai to look after your kouhai

semisgonorrhea:

semisgonorrhea: hate to admit it but you have a good point.

forced into bdsm: Let’s just agree it’s half Iwaizumi-san’s fault?

oikasuckmydick: seems reasonable.

the simp: still not taking the blame.

oikasuckmydick: of course you aren’t iwa-chan! you’re pretty stone headed, ahaha!

the simp: top 10 last texts before death, oikawa fucking tooru.

oikasuckmydick: just kidding!!

tyrannosauros kink: So, what’s this plan?

is kenma: yeah this chat really doesn’t seem to take any approach..

oikasuckmydick:

daddymatsukawa: ....good point

hanamakenzie ziegler: what are we gonna tell him? “hey so iwaizumi has a big phat crush on you.”

oikasuckmydick:

is kenma: yes???

ate out kenma: isn’t that what we’re supposed to do?

hanamakenzie ziegler: yeah but it wouldn’t be as funn

daddymatsukawa: yk without the second hand embarrassment involved we wont get any laughs outta this experience 

the simp: i dont w an t second hand embarrassment??

oikasuckmydick: FIRST ORDER

oikasuckmydick: mcdonalds date

is kenma: ew ew ew e wew

submissive whore: see mcdonalds is the worst place to go on a date, oikawa.

submissive whore: plus kageyama doesn’t  _ know  _ iwaizumi wants it to be a date so like... maybe just a casual hangout that intentionally puts them together for everything. like a cliche wattpad x reader fanfic that we all read at one time in our lives.

kurooslefttiddie: c-cap..

submissive whore:  _ “the best ace! [ bokuto koutarou x male reader ] ” _ _   
  
_

the best ace 69: i

kurooslefttiddie: i have no clue what you’re talking about  _ KAI _ ...

the best ace 69: thats adorable tetsu.........

kurooslefttiddie: r-really..?

tyrannosauros kink: Anyway.

tyrannosauros kink: How is this all going to line up exactly? Don’t you guys have like.. class?

the simp: i dont have class on wednesdays and sundays.

oikasuckmydick: i dont have class on sundays and wednesdays as well!!

daddymatsukawa: im free on mondays.

hanamakenzie ziegler: sundays

tyrannosauros kink: 

tyrannosauros kink: Sundays it is?

is kenma: yeah.

ate out kenma: yeah, thats alright.

sangwoo’s basement: bet

kurooslefttiddie: depends when on sunday, bc after 3pm i dont have classes

the best ace 69: bold of you to assume i went to college

ate out kenma: bokuto-san’s available on sundays after 1:30 pm.

the best ace 69: akaashi!! :(

cunnilingus: so sunday at 3:45?

choking kink: that would work best to at leastt have five people there

choking kink: + kageyama.

the simp: this is going to be the most embarrassing moment of my life.

oikasuckmydick: why.. because you won’t be able to stand tobio-chan looking so  _ gags  _ cute?  _ gags _

the simp: say that again and you’ll be gagging on my fucking foot shittykawa.

kurooslefttiddie: so protective of his tobio-chan...........

the simp: im going to strangle you

choking kink: ME NEXT!!

cunnilingus: suga-san....

the simp: nevermind actually

choking kink: damn

sangwoo’s basement: tobio-kun is pretty cute tho.

tyrannosauros kink: I looked at that text so fast I think I got whiplash.

choking kink: pardon me atsumu?

sangwoo’s basement: i said what i said.

cunnilingus: battle for kageyama?

oikasuckmydick: i dont see it but like

the simp: shut up shittykawa

shirabuschlamydia: ok so like how do u explain to your rival that they’re cute and you wanna go out with them

oikasuckmydick: you dont

tyrannosauros kink: Hit close to home, Oikawa?

oikasuckmydick: ahahaha, so funny kei-chan! gonna need you to shut your fucking mouth tho!

shirabuschlamydia: but like i really want to oikawa. i only ever fought with him bc it just seemed like he really hated my guts yk? in all honesty ive always thought he was cute.. his stupid bayang adds to it.. and he has this little resting pout and hdhsjhdhfj its adorableeee and then

shirabuschlamydia: I 

semisgonorrhea:

shirabuschlamydia: I SAID TOO MUCH

oikasuckmydick: the bayang...

the simp: why tho..

forced into bdsm: Was he talking about me or Shirabu?

kurooslefttiddie: take a wild guess, goshiki.

embodiment of bdsm: i dont think semi fights with you, tomutomu!

forced into bdsm: Ah, I guess that answers itself..

semisgonorrhea: imma act like i didnt see that

shirabuschlamydia: plz do.

the simp: um chile...

* * *

_ toe cult _

tobio: why is it so quiet

Father Daichi: Yeah, kind of worried..

toeru: all is well mura-chan!!

Father Daichi: Uh.. just Daichi is okay.

toeru: ok, mura-chan!

Father Daichi:

kurhoe: just having a friendly conversation with the prett e setters

semisgonorrhea: aha yeah

shirabuschlamydia: yep

cunnilingus: when did my name change here i

sugar: that was my doing

kurhoe: suga really out here coming for hinata’s wig

Father Daichi: I’m not even gonna ask.

simp: shittykawa what the hell.

daffodudes: guess im not the resident simp...

queen kiyoko: no, you’re still a simp.

Jesus Christ: sorry tanaka but.. yeah..

daffodudes: asahi?

Jesus Christ: .... yes?

daffodudes: </3

Jesus Christ: :(

tobio: why is iwaizumi-san a simp?

simp: ANYWAY

simp: who’s available on sunday?

cunnilingus: pretty sure most of karasuno is

Father Daichi: I have work, sorry.

sugar: i am!!

bitch: I am, sadly.

yamayama: im free!

teruteru: tadashi is free, im free <3

yamayama: awe.. you simp <3

tobio: i guess i am?

kurhoe: ahaha, im free

brokuto: ahaha.. same LMAO

agaasheh: i think i’ll be able to make it.

insomnia: ^

Ushijima: Sadly, I have class. 

bitch: Awe man.

Ushijima: I’ll come along next time, Kei.

bitch: <3

tobio: SIMP

cunnilingus:  𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝒾𝓂𝓅𝒾𝓃

yamayama:  𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝒾𝓂𝓅𝒾𝓃

bitch: I am willingly going to ignore that.

bigdaddymatsu: i am not the free

hanamontana maki: i am fortunately, am the free

kurhoe: im only free after 3 pm

brokuto: im free after 1:30

simp: well, 3:45 at oikawa’s apartment?

toeru: wait a sec

brokuto: sounds litty

kurhoe: im down

hanamontana maki: BETTT

tobio: i- ok.

tobio: is oikawa forcing you to say this?

simp: see i would invite you guys to mine but i want to keep my apartment ash free and fireless <3

toeru: it was one time

simp: setting the toilet on fire is not a one time thing that we can forget, pyromaniackawa.

tobio: NOT PYROMANIACKAWAJDJSKEJS

sugar: PLZZZZ

Father Daichi: Oikawa almost burnt my niece.

simp: YOUR NEICE???

yamayama: A WHOLRE CHILE???

teruteru: A WHORE CHILED? I CHILDRED???

toeru: mura-chan we agreed to forget it....

tobio: OIKAWA THAT IS AT TEMPTE D MURDER???

kurhoe: CHILF ABUDSE??

brokuto: how do you manage to almost CREMATE A CHILD

brokuto: ALIVE

toeru: see they dont have to be dead to

notsangwoo: you’re worse than atsumu.

notsangwoo: no, you  _ are  _ atsumu.

boobata: osamu.. :(

notsangwoo: i said what i said bobata. 

sangwoo: do not compare a high class baddie like me to oikawa

toeru: plz, stop talking urine hair

sangwoo: I

bitch: Hit too close to home?

yamayama: shut up tsukki

bitch: Shut up, Yamaguchi.

yamayama: gomen tsukki

sangwoo: MY HAIR IS GOLDEN YELLOW YALL IM TIRED OF THS SLANDER

simp: golden??  _ golden _ ?????????

tobio: atsumu, your hair is the same color as a dehydrated child’s piss

sangwoo: OUCH TOBIO-CHAN

cunnilingus: but then oikawa on the other hand..

tobio: its the not having two healthy knees for me...

yamayama:

simp:

Father Daichi:

bitch:

semisgonorrhea:

shirabuschlamydia:

toeru: i

toeru: its the not having a grandfather for me, tobio-chan

tobio:

simp:  _ shittykawa _ .

simp: i will fuck you up i swear to god

sugar: dayum... flamed hotter than that toliet fye oikawa....

tobio: well its the inferiority complex fa me...

toeru: ok look

tobio: its the almost punching a kouhai fa me....

toeru: its the dictative king for me...

tobio: 

tobio: o

cunnilingus: OUCHHHH

bitch: OWWW DAMN..

Ushijima: That... hurt..

bdsm babey: o-ouch... unu

gosh: That wasn’t.. very nice..

tobio: i

tobio: its the tony lopez mannerisms for me

toeru: WOAH WOAH WHAT

simp: LMAOOO EXKJSEJSK WHAT

cunnilingus: NOT KAGS BRINGING IN TONY LOPEZ..

tobio: its the having a brother better than you for me.........

toeru: keep ondreaz outta this..........

simp: shit got reall heated

tobio: its the looking like kio for me...

tobio: good thing you didnt say the...word

toeru: IM OUT IM OUTT

simp: YIKESSSS

semisgonorrhea: IM SCREAMINGG PLZ GET OUTSKES

shirabuschlamydia: I EED TO LAY EDOWN

bitch: I CANT BREEB

Ushijima: Kei darling, breathe..

cunnilingus: IM ON THE FLOOR FLOOR

sugar: IEHSESJES PLZ

daffodudes: manz so speechless he LEFT

the tallest libero: BROOO IM PISSN ING MY SELF OPZL

yACK: ICM DMIR SOEKS

leviackermen: KUMBQAYA MY LROD

toeru: t-this isnt funny...

toeru: i-im not t-t-t-tony lopez...

  
  


_ simp changed toeru’s name to ‘tooru lopez’ _

  
  


tooru lopez: STOP STOP STOOOOP

sugar: IM CREAMINFD SIE

  
  


_ simp changed their name to ‘iwa lopez’ _

  
  


iwa lopez: im the better brother bitch

bigdaddymatsu: and thats on a bad bleep... addison rae..

hanamontana maki: woah woah ooh woah woah....

tobio: HYPE HO%UW#???

  
  


_ tobio changed their name to ‘tobio d’amelio’ _

_ cunnilingus changed their name to ‘shoyo d’amelio’ _

_ bitch changed their name to ‘tsukki gregg’ _

_ yamayama changed their name to ‘yamakita dragun’ _

_ teruteru changed their name to ‘terushima charles’ _

_ Ushijima changed their name to ‘Wakanthony Reeves’ _

  
  


tobio d’amelio: THIS IS UNFUCKING REA:KSJEKDKX

shoyo d’amelio: WE MISSIN OUR SKINNE KING 

  
  


_ bdsm babey changed their name to ‘tendou hudson’ _

_ yacht changed their name to ‘yachison rae’ _

_ queen kiyoko changed their name to kiyoko barrett _

  
  


iwa lopez: THIS IS A FUCKING FEVER DREAM I CANT

tobio d’amelio: IC ANT BREA TH

yachison rae: i need a bad  _ bleep  _ yachison rae

Wakanthony Reeves: Why did I do this.

tsukki gregg: This is the best idea we’ve ever had...

yamakita dragun: do it for the tiktok

terushima charles: nerf or nothing....

tendou hudson: I CANNT

  
  


_ sugar changed their name to ‘sugayce hall’ _

  
  


sugayce hall: the sway house is here whores

tendou hudson: get out

sugayce hall: bet you wont swing..

tendou hudson: i-im too skinny suga.......

shoyo d’amelio: ooo hype house roleplay

iwa lopez: tooru lopez gets arrested roleplay

tooru lopez: IS THIS A MOCKERY OF MY PAIN?????????

tobio d’amelio: yes

  
  


_ shirabuschlamydia changed their name to ‘semiree star’ _

_ semisgonorrhea changed their name to ‘shirabu yaw dawson’ _

  
  


tobio d’amelio: becoming the problematic queens you are <3

  
  


_ naruto changed their name to naritapeaches _

  
  


naritapeaches: you aint problematic to naritapeaches on the track burnin an itchin

  
  


_ kehnoshitah changed their name to ‘kehundos’ _

  
  


kehundos: IM SFRAMIENDJF NOT PEAVHESEJCC

tobio d’amelio: GETT OUT NARITAAJSSKEKSEKE

  
  


_ ehnoshitah changed their name to ‘ehnocora’ _

  
  
  


tobio d’amelio: LOCK EM UPPPSKEKKE

iwa lopez: YOU DID NOTTT

tooru lopez: JAIL TYMEEEE 

  
  


_ Father Daichi changed their name to ‘Daittia’ _

  
  


Daittia: I’m gonna commit skewer slime.

tooru lopez: WHY KASEKKRLSLEKS


	11. walmart walmart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tobio d’amelio: steal disguises on jah we’ll pay for them later
> 
> tooru lopez: STEAL? I WOULD NEVER STOOP SO LOW
> 
> semiree star: steal the fuckin disguise oikawa bc nobody gives a rats ass
> 
> shirabu yaw dawson: bruh gettin my lil nas cosplay up in here
> 
> shirabu yaw dawson: h-h-h-h-horses in the back type beat
> 
> kiyoko simp 1: I SCREAMED AND A CASHIER JUST LOOKS AT ME AND GOES: “thats what that super suckle gawk gawk vacuum dustless finish 6000 aftermath sounds like”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ankle said snap  
> volleygays go zoom  
> iwaizumi go grrrr
> 
> enjoy this shit i finished at exactly 12:41 am <3
> 
> also kiyoko simp 1 is tanaka and kiyoko simp 2 is noya

_ hype house _

  
  


tobio d’amelio: not me catching yachison saying the b-b-b... word..

iwa lopez: YACHI

yachison rae: i didnt do it!! kageyama stop......

tooru lopez: not a bad bleep anymore yachi...

sugayce hall: shut ya mouf hisoka marrow

tooru: I

Daittia: Shut down

semiree star: like james charles

terushima charles: see stop lyin you fake fuck... we aint forget

  
  


_ sangwoo changed their name to tsumu westbrook _

  
  


tsumu westbrook: look... i dont wanna talk about it anymore..

semiree star: shut up

shirabu yaw dawson: yeah, shut up

terushima charles: uhmm shirabu huntey... we aint forgot shanae-nae...

semiree star: oop

shirabu yaw dawson:

shirabu yaw dawson: well im not a fucking pedophile

tendou hudson: yeah sure......

tobio d’amelio: omg is that 

iwa lopez: im sitting here listening to oikawa crying bc he thinks he’s in an alternate universe where chef boyardee doesnt make beans

tobio d’amelio: DID THEY NOT???

iwa lopez: not you too...

tooru lopez: MARRY ME TOBIO-CHAN

tooru lopez: RIGHT NOW

tobio d’amelio: BET???

  
  


_ tooru lopez changed their name to tooru oikawa-kageyama _

_ tobio d’amelio changed their name to tobio oikawa-kageyama _

  
  


tobio oikawa-kageyama: im honored <3

tooru oikawa-kageyama: <3

iwa lopez:

iwa lopez: pause

sugayce hall: aye aye no dont pause this is so beautiful... bonding bc of beans that EXIST? amazing.

tooru oikawa-kageyama: marry us

tobio oikawa-kageyama: marry us

sugayce hall: sorry boys, im taken.. but ill join your boyardee bean cult

tobio oikawa-kageyama: boyarbean boyarbean boyarbean boyarbean boyarbean 

tooru oikawa-kageyama: TOBIO BABY YOU GENIUS

iwa lopez: TOBIO BABY??

shouyou d’amelio: PAUSEEEEE

kiyoko simp 1: WOAH WOAH WOAHHH

kiyoko simp 1: THIS FR?

kiyoko simp 2: i think it is dude.......

tobio oikawa-kageyama: t-t-t-tooru baby...?

tooru oikawa-kageyama: HNNNG MY HEART <33

iwa lopez: WAIT WHAT WWHEN DID THIS

tsumu westbrook: DAMN IT OIKAWA YOU HAVENT WON YET

tooru oikawa-kageyama: according to my new legal name, yes i have

iwa lopez: OVER BEANS???

tobio oikawa-kageyama: once a boyarbean <3

tooru oikawa-kageyama: always a boyarbean <3

sugayce hall: <3

Daittia: Suga is mine, by the way.

tooru oikawa-kageyama: we can tell

tobio oikawa-kageyama: LMAO

iwa lopez: im sho ok?

iwa lopez: shittykawa what the hell are trying to do??

tobio oikawa-kageyama: we’re just establishing bonds between the only two sane people in this groupchat

tobio oikawa-kageyama: chef boyardee made BEANS

Daittia: I thought they did..?

iwa lopez: DAICHI

shouyou d’amelio: DAD WHAT THE HECK

sugayce hall: daichi is with us....

semisgonorrhea: they made beans

shirabuschlamydia: as much as i hate agreeing with that hoe, they did

yamakita dragun: thats cap

tsukki gregg: That’s really fucking stupid, you guys.

Wakanthony Reeves: It seems very plausable.

tsukki gregg: I lied it’s true.

tsumu westbrook: they did not you dumb whores

tsumu westbrook: they make ravioli

tobio oikawa-kageyama: never will i ever have an entanglement with you

tooru oikawa-kageyama: ENTAGEJSKEKD

iwa lopez: IIKDJEJSKEDJDJSKE

bigdaddymatsu: IWA SQUEAK HE SQUEAKYYYY

hanamontana maki: HE SQUEAK IT SO QCUTE IM SHHSJESHRKSEJE

* * *

_ alt house _

tobio d’amelio: alt house, UNITE

tooru lopez: AYEEEE

shouyou d’amelio: AYEEEEE

kurhoe: EHHHHHHHH AYEEE

brokuto: PERIODT

semiree star: AYEEEE

shirabu yaw dawson: wsp

tobio d’amelio: where are we going today?

tooru lopez: nottt to starbucks

bigdaddymatsu: lessoned learned twin <3

wateri: walmart?

terushima charles: before you say it? no.

tooru lopez: YYY

terushima charles: tadashi could get in trouble bc of yall. and he’ll be upset and i dont like upset baby huggums :(

shouyou d’amelio: somebody whipped.. plz take yall taken selves outta da chat luv <3

bigdaddymatsu: who hurt you?

shouyou d’amelio: my soulmate

tobio d’amelio: u dont have one, boke <3

tooru lopez: eye-

shouyou lopez: periott bakayama <3

tsumu westbrook: WALMART WALMART WALMART

samu hill: i wan walmart

boobiebata: WALMART POGGERS?

tsumu westbrook: POG POG POG

tooru lopez: yuu-chan you just get to see yama-chan again!! think of it....... more time with freckles-chan!!

terushima charles:

terushima charles: hnnnng

tobio d’amelio: yeah! more boyfriend time. maybe his boss will let you give him huggies?

terushima charles: you got me there kageyama

terushima charles: im fuckin in

tooru lopez: matsukawa come get me

bigdaddymatsu: i wish you could drive

hanamontana maki: no head?

bigdaddymatsu: oikawa makes my dick flaccid

tobio d’amelio: IMEJSENXJEKDDJSJE

kiyoko simp 1: YOOOOOOOOOOSKEKSKEJXKEKKSJEJXJD

kiyoko simp 2: IM DEADHESJEHJXEJE

bigdaddymatsu: dead like my boner luv <3

kiyoko simp 1: NOYYAYJEJSHE MATUSJRJSJe

terushima charles: BAAHAHAHASESJEJSLEJSE

tsumu westbrook: BURJSJEHSLEKSESKS#

samu hill: IM SCRAMIEIDJEJHSHE

tooru lopez: k

tobio d’amelio: 

tsumu westbrook:

kiyoko simp 1: response drier than matsukawa’s week old cum stain luv <3

bigdaddymatsu: BYE BYE BYESDKDLKE

hanamontana maki: THEN LEAVEJSJESJEJSE

tobio d’amelio: TANAKA UR DRVIGINY WATCHT EHT EROAD

shouyou d’amelio: AAJJAJAHAHAKSKEJSKEJS

kiyoko simp 2: OH SHITSJJDKE#( S)P_#S*A@ 

tobio d’amelio: DJ$*SIDMZPE”${D:$*#UDJ

shouyou d’amelio: yall alive come on now..

kiyoko simp 2: TANAKA GIMME THE PHONE NEOWWW

tooru lopez: NOT THE NEOWWW

hanamontana maki: hi this is seijoh we are almost at wal of the mart

kiyoko simp 2: hello this is noya we are at wal of the mart

kurhoe: johnzenji pulled up in the golf cart yo.. drippy..

brokuto: yall looked like u were speeding.. dont get caught neow...

terushima charles: actually only i took the golf cart, the twins and bobata took and actual car like losers

boobiebata: nah we took the car like sane people who want to live you crack cocaine marijuana weed blunt vape nicotine addict

samu hill: ^^

tsumu westbrook: they dount speek for mi.. i wonted to pul upuh n the cart with teru butt samoo dragged me in this lame ass veehicel

tobio d’amelio: with that spelling you should probably stay in the vehicle

tooru lopez: TOBIOSSJSJSJE

kurhoe: and for the sake of the children literally just stay in the car atsumu

tsumu westbrook: i didnt bring my chuck e cheese costume the children are safe ok

brokuto: so with the costume they not

tsumu westbrook: charles the mouse is my fursona you whore. i gotta be in costume to be the kidnapper

brokuto: EXCUSE ME?

tobio d’amelio: FURSONA IM SRKSKSJ$

shouyou d’amelio: PAWSE... FURSONA????

tooru lopez: WAIT A DKEKLEJSEOSEKSEK

kurhoe: pardon me what the fawk SKEJSKEJEKSK

terushima charles: YOUD ID NOTD SJRJSJESKLSKEJS$

brokuto: LET ME DIE PLZ

kiyoko simp 1: who borned him rn fess up

kiyoko simp 2: YODELEYODELEHEEHOOSEJSELSJEHAHAHAJSKSKe

  
  


tobio d’amelio: HE ACTUALLY LAUGHS LIKE THAT IM OUUUUUWWOOOOTSJURSESJEEJ

shouyou d’amelio: screw the laugh we finna ignore the fursona???

samu hill: y’all didnt know??? like the first thing that comes up when you search up his name is a furaffinity account

shouyou d’amelio: KAGS JUSTT TOOK OFFF SKSSSJSELSKOQO@KAKSKE

tsumu westbrook: A YE AYE AYE WIAJDJEJSE DONT EXPOSE ME

kurhoe: FURAFFINITY???? actually im stevie wonder yall see somethin

brokuto: CHILE I HAD TO MOOOVE MY BAYANGHIDDKKE

terushima charles: bokuto your forehead is clear as day

tooru lopez: PLZ Y ALL IM GOINNA GFUCKING PEE MSYELF

tobio d’amelio: i

tobio d’amelio: dude is the starbucks we went to IN THSIWA LME RT??

tooru lopez: W wAUT HT??? WHAT??

bigdaddymatsu: CAP

bigdaddymatsu: THATS FUCKING CAP

shouyou d’amelio: and the day kageyama decides to be uwu th0tty... we at iwaizumi’s workplace again...

tooru lopez: NO FUKIN WAYYYY

hanamontana maki: YOUR ASS DROVE US ALL THE WAY HERE SEI HOW DID U NOT REALIZE

bigdaddymatsu: HOW DID YOUUUU NOT REALIZE

tsumu westbrook: guys guys

brokuto: w-what...

tooru lopez: what

tsumu westbrook: just walk past the starbucks. we here for freckles-kun anyways chile...and i dont think iwaizumi may recognize tobio-kun so he good.. lets just go yall

tobio d’amelio: big brain

tendou hudson: on jah big brain

tsumu westbrook: eggsactly

tooru lopez: im not so sure now

semiree star: like you any smarter oikawa

tooru lopez: ahahahahaha! shut up semi! <3

shouyou d’amelio: stop running kags, you’re making us look suspicious

tobio d’amelio: I THINK HE SAW ME THATS WHY M RUNNING

terushima charles: stop being so paranoid dudeeee

tooru lopez: IMSO ON EDGEKSLKEKZJSNDJSOEASFCJC

shirabu yaw dawson: shiva me timbas....... 

tobio d’amelio: SEDKEKSKE SHIRABUEJSJE

tsumu westbrook: I JUST SNORTED SO LOUD SHUTJSJDKKEDJD

terushima charles: TADASHI TADASHI TADASHI

bigdaddymatsu: HE RUN

tsumu westbrook: HE HUGGG

samu hills: hnnng.. melting my cold dead disgusting black abyss heart...

boobiebata: what

tobio d’amelio: osamu stfu this is so adorable

tooru lopez: this is so cute im 

shouyou d’amelio: they may be like the most wholesome rn...

tooru lopez:

tooru lopez: oh yeah he aint movin. guess we finna cause chaos without him luv <3

samu hill: awe fuck nah this really is the same walmart that iwa works at yall...

tobio d’amelio: you late but go ouwf

samu hill: im gonna order a drink

tsumu westbrook: DONTTTT SIKRJSIKESJEKSJE

tooru lopez: IF HE KNOW YOU’RE HERE HE’LL KNOW SUMU-CHAN IS HEREEEE

samu hill: too fukin late i ordered a pink drink

shouyou d’amelio: ok so lets spread out across the store and split up THAT WAY he cant find us

tobio d’amelio: steal disguises on jah we’ll pay for them later

tooru lopez: STEAL? I WOULD NEVER STOOP SO LOW

semiree star: steal the fuckin disguise oikawa bc nobody gives a rats ass

shirabu yaw dawson: bruh gettin my lil nas cosplay up in here

shirabu yaw dawson: h-h-h-h-horses in the back type beat

kiyoko simp 1: I SCREAMED AND A CASHIER JUST LOOKS AT ME AND GOES: “thats what that super suckle gawk gawk vacuum dustless finish 6000 aftermath sounds like”

tooru lopez: WHO??SE SJKESJE KSKE

tobio d’amelio: IM UGLY LUAGJINF STOPPSPPKRD

samu hill: YALL MAKIN ME ACT UP HE’S GETTIN SUS STOPPP

boobiebata: THATS WHAT THE WHA T SOUNDS LIEKESESKEJX

kiyoko simp 2: WHERE YALL COME UP WIT DEEZ

ehnocora: YALL PLZ I ALMOST FELL INTO THIS OLD LADDDDDY I COULDA ENDED HER LIFEEEEJDJEJSKEJSKE

kehundos: IM A BIG BTCHHH

tsumu westbrook: NOT ME KNOKING OVER IA CLOTHING RACKSKJEJS I THIKN THERE WAS A KID ON THE OTHER SIDEKS aAHAAHAHSKEJS

samu hill: he knows he knows he knows we’re here and he’s asking to go on break to come find us

boobiebata: I TOOKK OFF RUNNING TO THE MCDONALDSSJDKSKE

tobio d’amelio: I FOUND W IG JUST TELL HIM IM CHARLI

shouyou d’amelio: imrunningimrunninimrunnin

boobiebata: WHAT

tsumu westbrook: WHO TF IS PLAYIN YAGAMI YATO ON THE FUGGIN SPEAKERSSSSKSKEJKSJDKE

tooru lopez: MY AUDIO HOEEE JUST MAKIN EM LISTEN TO ME GETTING PEGGED YK THE VIBES <3

tobio d’amelio: JAISLJSJESJESKXOEKS

semiree star: OH SHIT

shirabu yaw dawson: HE FUCKING FOUND US WE ARE SPRINTINGGJSKEJD

shouyou d’amelio: RIP in pieces shirabu and semi they were kinda in love the sexual tension served unresolved

tooru lopez: CHIBI-CHANESESKEJS

tobio d’amelio: that wasn’t shirabu and semi that ran past me luv bc suddenly i cant see <3

tendou huddy: SEMIII YOU LED HIM RIGHT TO MEEE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

shirabu yaw dawson: SHIT MOVE YOU BIGASS BITCHSJESKEKX

semiree star: TENDOU MOVE YO FATASS RUN RUN RUNNSKDKKSEJS

tooru lopez: is that

tooru lopez: they got themselves caught yo...

tooru lopez: IS HE LOOKIN AT ME

tooru lopez: IM OUTTT

tobio d’amelio: WHY WOIDLSLDJE

shouyou d’amelio: HE REALLY GRABBED KAGS BY HIS WIGGG 

tooru lopez: HURRY UP TOBIO-CHAN GODDAMN

kiyoko simp 1: AHAHAHAEISKEKSIE I SEE YALL LMFAOOOOO

kiyoko simp 2: IS KAGEYAMA RUNNING IN PLATFORMED BOOTS??SJEKSEKE

semiree star: queen we...stan...

shirabu yaw dawson: my left arm s numb he really tosses us yp

tendou huddy: i cant feel my bawls

tooru lopez: FUCK I HIT A RACK DSHTU/sKSEKS

shouyou d’amelio: BYEEEE IM BOUTA STAR FLYIN

tsumu westbrook: YALL BROUGHT HIM tO M E???

tooru lopez: HAVE FUN LUV <3

tobio d’amelio: im takin my wig and he still dont know its me so im good <3

shouyou d’amelio: ATSUMU CARRY ME MY LIL LEGS SIEKSJEKSKE

tsumu westbrook: natural selection luv <3 BYEEEE

shouyou d’amelio: AT SUMUS EMSMEKSHHSJDKSFUCKKKDSK

shouyou d’amelio: #*$SMDJS($,sKE

tooru lopez: im hiding in the restroom stall im so fucking scareddd

tobio d’amelio: im gonna go do the renegade somewhere so he wont notice me <3

semiree star: showin off hoe... we get it you finna live..

tsumu westbrook: i climbed a shelf im at the top shelf hiding in the cereal oh my god he’s in the isle im 

samu hill: bobata and i are hiding in mcdonalds we just lookin at this shit go down

boobiebata: IM LOOSIN MY MARBELS THIS IS SO FUNNT AHHSHAHSKEKJE

shouyou d’amelio: i really went flying into the water fountain thingy <3

shouyou d’amelio: i may be wet but if i fits i sits <333

shirabu yaw dawson: yeah my left arm is completely numb rn i cant move it

semiree star: like he literally just shoved us into the shelf

tooru lopez: AAHAHAYEAAAAYEYAYA IVE BEEN FOUNDDD

shirabu yaw dawson: RUN OIKAWAA ADKSKDELSKE

tobio d’amelio: be careful of your knee luv <3

tooru lopez: just as you said that my knee GAVE DUPESIEJSKD

shouyou d’amelio: oikawa just face planted into the phone and iwaizumi is heading towards mcdonalds i think he hears bobata

samu hill: BOBATA SHUT UP

boobiebata: I SOWW?Y IMAN%)$# ODO$(W

boobiebata: HEHEHESIKEKSEIFI#(ED* OF H FUKINSH IT

samu hill: LEFT FOR DEAD BOBATA IM HIDING IN CEREAL ISLE BYEEE

samu hill: SHIT I SIE(#(W)X)KSKEM

tobio d’amelio: left the dead and is now the dead <3

tobio d’amelio: now who’s left

tsumu westbrook: m-me...

kurhoe: bo and i are with tobio... we brought our chucke e cheese costumes <333

brokuto: mhm mhm!!!

ehnocora: noya, tanaka and i are hiding in cloths racks we good

tobio d’amelio: matsukawa? hanamaki?

hanamontana maki: iwa got our asses ages ago. we literally left the restroom just as he ran after oikawa and he molly wopped us yo

hanamontana maki: matsukawa knocked tf out

tobio d’amelio: keep on breeving yall.. we can survive this...

terushima charles: W H YMAMI NBEING CHAS EDBY IWA????

tendou huddy:  _ @samu hill  _ outed us... pussy hoe..

samu hill: you guys outed yourselves.. 

semiree star: thats cap anyway

shouyou d’amelio: “im gonna get a drink” - osamu miya

samu hill: well i was getting a drink yall were being clowns in the gc thats on YOUUUU

boobiebata: its not osamu’s fault!!!

boobiebata: you guys just cant stfu

terushima charles: nobody tellin me why iwaizumi rocked my shit tho i just wanted to see tadashi :(

tooru lopez: we were actin a fool and he thought you were with us.... classic iwa-chan

tsumu westbrook: AHHHHHHHH HE PULLED DOWN MY SHOOEEEEEE SKEKSKELKE

tsumu westbrook: TOBIO-KUN HLP MEEE

tobio d’amelio: WE’VE BEEN SPOTTED BOYS RUNNNDKXKDEKJSDE

kurhoe: THANKS FOR NOTHING ATSUMU

brokuto: TE WIGGG

tooru lopez: IWA-CHAN HAS THE WIG BUT HE AINT GOT THE TOBIO YALL RUNNN

kurhoe: BO TRIPPED AND IWA HAS HIM IN A HEADLOCKKK

tobio d’amelio: I FUCKED UP MY ANKLE IM SOBBINGJSJEKS IT HURTS SO BADDDSKKSK

tsumu westbrook: currently carrying tobio-kun and running to the exit yall we are gettin outta here and to the emergency room luv <3

tobio d’amelio: RUN FASTER I SEE IHIHMISKSJR

brokuto: YEAH HE QUICK ASF RUN YALL

kurhoe: OUCHHH OMFDG FISKDKD EW TOVIO SSISMESIEKSe

brokuto: EWWWWWW THAT SOUNDED SO BAD TOBIO IS YOUR ANKLE OK??

tobio d’amelio: MY FUCKING ANKLE OG MY FDOGFSID

tobio d’amelio: YALL PLZZZZ THIS AINT FUNNY NO MORE

  
  


_ tsumu westbrook added Iwaizumi _

  
  


Iwaizumi: you’re all  _ idiots. _

shouyou d’amelio: THIS AINT THE TIME GET HIM TO A HOSPITAL

Iwaizumi: wait what?

kurhoe: HE FRACTUREDHIS ANKLE IWAIZUMI

Iwaizumi: fuck move, tobio im so sorry

Iwaizumi: is it bad enough that you cant try and get up?

tobio d’amelio: i cant whatf this hurts so badhde998esj302-2

Iwaizumi: fuck sorry baby, we'll get you to the hospital

kurhoe: BABY?

kurhoe: BABY??????

brokuto: KUROO BRUH PLZZZ

tobio d’amelio: just get my outta here i fucin hate this

Iwaizumi: sorry tobio, so so sorry baby...

Iwaizumi: move outta the way, and take my phone shittykawa.

tobio d’amelio: thx you

tooru lopez: BABY??? 

bigdaddymatsu: iwaizumi go nurturing mother mode... if yall didnt know.. he called my baby when i dislocated my shoulder..

hanamontana maki: iwaizumi go softt..

tsumu westbrook: screw soft iwaizumi...

tsumu westbrook: this was another fuckin FLUKE

samu hill: WE _TROLLED_ AT WALMART!! _(GONE **WRONG**?? ***SOMEONE INJURED!!*** )_


	12. this pussy talks english spanish and french

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iwa lopez: no busco amor rn :)
> 
> tobio d’amelio: suddenly i am eatdatpussy445 and 30 to 35 minutes ago i beat my vaiginia so fuckin hard my left leg is numb 
> 
> yamakita dragun: THE WAY I SCREAMED JUST NOWSEKSJEKS
> 
> tooru lopez: VAIGINIA PLZ IM OOTUTAJAJSKE THAR SO OUTTA OPCIEKT
> 
> yachison rae: WHAT WHAT HOLLL UP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL IM BACK AHAAHSSKZ
> 
> and seriously why yall give atsumu that texan accent someone explain it to me...

_ hype house _

  
  


tooru lopez: ok so i know yall may be like: “kanye stfu” but here me out

tooru lopez: iwa~chan speaks  _ spanish _

tobio d’amelio: im up

sugayce hall: suddenly i am here

kurhoe: CAP

brokuto: MAD CAP

aone: mm, how do you know?

footacoochie: ^

tooru lopez: so i go to starbucks to get a drank

tooru lopez: and i mess wit iwa~chan for a bit, tell him my order and go sit down! so this nice lady comes up to the stand.. and iwa~chan’s like: “hi welcome to starbucks what would you like?” and she goes: “o-oh... n-no hablo ingles” so IWA~CHAN GOES: “OHHH,” and starts asking for her order in fucking spanish and im sitting there, like shiver me fuckin timbers...

tobio d’amelio: had to move my bayang to read that...

gosh icky: I mean, at least we know he’s bilingual? That’s cool! Right?

tendou huddy: SERENADE ME IN SPANISH PAPITO 

yamakita dragun: WELL GOOD THING MYYY PUSSY TALKS ENGLISH SPANISH AND FRENCH

tobio d’amelio: suddenly i am the city girls <333

gosh icky: I take it back...

kurhoe: IWA KEEPS GETTIN BETTER AND BETTER

turnip kun: WE CLAIM IWA

chronic depression: we claimed iwa ages ago <3

tobio d’amelio: he called me baby yesterday luv <3

tooru lopez: OOP

shouyou d’amelio: DAYUM

iwa lopez: what are you guys doing.. i am literally right here

tooru lopez: WAIT THIS AINT THE 

tooru lopez: I WAS WONDERING WHY IKI-CHAN WAS HEREEEE

tobio d’amelio: THIS AINT THE ALT HOUSE?? WEYLL SHEYT

chronic depression: WRONG GC??? LMAOAAOAOAOSKEKSKELDJSLEKS

iwa lopez: and also, nobody claims me. spanish is my first language. my dad is cuban. and i lived in cuba before i moved here.

chronic depression: SPICYYYY

tobio d’amelio: marry me

iwa lopez: ahaha, nah

turnip kun: HE REALLY PLAYIN HARD TO GET TOO??

iwa lopez: no busco amor rn :)

tobio d’amelio: suddenly i am eatdatpussy445 and 30 to 35 minutes ago i beat my vaiginia so fuckin hard my left leg is numb 

yamakita dragun: THE WAY I SCREAMED JUST NOWSEKSJEKS

tooru lopez: VAIGINIA PLZ IM OOTUTAJAJSKE THAR SO OUTTA OPCIEKT

yachison rae: WHAT WHAT HOLLL UP

tooru lopez: there is nothing to hold up abt,,, iwa~chan is mine <3

iwa lopez: brothers by chance lovers by choice i guess <3

tobio d’amelio: WAIT A MINUTE WHATKSKRJEKSKEJs

tobio d’amelio: IWAIZUMI-SANSMEJAJSKE

tsumu westbrook: yall its literally 8 in the mornin what ‘er yall doin????

tobio d’amelio: renegade

tooru lopez: why is there an accent integrated into that sentence

tsumu westbrook: i- have n accent???

tobio d’amelio: YOU DO????

iwa lopez: wait, you do?

tooru lopez: HOLD ON I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THIS ONE SUMU-CHAN...

samu hill: ye, we do.

sugayce hall: W E??

kiyoko simp 2: WE???

kiyoko simp 1: hold on a diddly darn second, you guys have an accent...???

tsumu westbrook: apparently we do! lookit that!

tooru lopez: STOP IM READING THAT WITH A HILL BILLY ACCENT AND ITS SO BAD

iwa lopez: I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY FUCKIN ONE DOING THAT

tobio d’amelio: well howditdoo! i never noticed ya accent, atsumu-san!!

shouyou d’amelio: STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY

tsumu westbrook: well in all honesty, the author of this book just kept seein people give ‘samu and i an accent so they decided to hop on the trend despite not knowin why the hell they do it

tsumu westbrook: ye understand?

tobio d’amelio: no

iwa lopez: nope not at all.

tsumu westbrook: aw, well that sounds like a you problem

tooru lopez: you are a problem tsumu-chan

tsumu westbrook: says you

tooru lopez: its the not being able to tie your shoes for me

tsumu westbrook: oh

tsumu westbrook: SO YER TRYIN  _ THIS  _ NOW HUH??

tooru lopez: WHAT IF I AM???

tsumu westbrook: YER FUCKIN’ ON 

tsumu westbrook: its the posin like ye got an ass for me, flat bitch

tooru lopez: its the sangwoo haircut for me

tsumu westbrook: its the fact yer tryna get with yer brother for me...

iwa lopez: OOP

tobio d’amelio: WEYLL SHEYTTT KLAMOSKESKEJSKES

tooru lopez: its the texan accent for me

tsumu westbrook: its the hisoka voice for me

tooru lopez: YO-

iwa lopez: he

sugayce hall: HE REALLY WENT THEREKSKKESKXKE

Daittia: OUCH.

kiyoko simp 1: COUNTERATTACSKDJSKES

shouyou d’amelio: t*ny l*pez and now..... h*soka?? DAMN

tobio d’amelio: i feel bad for you chile...

queen kiyoko: DAMNNN OK WOW I

tsumu westbrook: now shut yer mouf flat bitch

tobio d’amelio: HE SAID SHUT YO OHHH GONNN SELF UP SKESKEXKDJE

shouyo d’amelio: NOT THE OHHH GONNNN SKSAK

sugayce hall: PLZ YALL ACCTUALLY GOT ME BARKIN

tobio d’amelio: RUFF RUFF AJASAJJSJAJS BARK BARK GRRRRRRRRR

yamakita dragun: RUFF RUFF GRRRRRRRR BARK BARK BARK SIEKSJXAJSDJS

tooru lopez: AWOOO BARK RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF GRRRRRRRR WOOF

iwa lopez: what kind of fursona shit is this?

sugayce hall: FURSONA RUFF RUFFKSKEKSK

Ukai: im still here yall....

tobio d’amelio: WE NEVER FORGOT COACH SKSKESJE OR SHOULD I SAY KIBBLER THE WOLF AAHAHA BARBARKBARKSKEKSW

tooru lopez: YOU FOUND IT??? IM SCREAMINGKSX

tsukki gregg: IT CAME UP ON MY FYP AND I SHOWED IT TO KING AHAHAHAHAXKSJXJJSKE

Ukai:

  
  


_ Ukai has left the chat _

  
  


iwa lopez: HE FUGGIN LEFT NO WAYYSLEKSJSKXOWASJD

daddymatsukawa: HOW YALL GOT IWAIZUMI CACKLIN SO DAMN LOUDSKDKSJZKALE 

daddymatsukawa: WAIT WHAT AHAHAHAHSKA KEKS BARK BARK GRRRRRR

hanamontana maki: BARBARBAKRKAKSKKSI RUFF GRRR SKEKSLZLEKSLE

Daittia: WHY ARE YOU GUYS BARKING??

Daittia: wait

Daittia: OH MY GOD AHAHJSEKZKEZOKXKSLZ

sugayce hall: YALL DID NOT...........

daddymatsukawa: THEY DID IM OUTTTTTSKEKZS

iwa lopez: THIS IS FUCKIN SENDING ME PLZZZ

tobio d’amelio: AHAHAHSKEKSLE I CANT FUCKING BREVAVVAVAA

tooru lopez: BREVADSJ TOBIO_CHAN BRRESAMNTH

daddymatsukawa: WHEWWW CHILE I ALMOST DIEDDDD SKESJKEKS

hanamontana maki: I FELT MY SOUL LEABBEE MY BODu IM STILL LAUGJIGNG

tsumu westbrook: YER KIDDNIGNSKEKSKEJD A FELLOW FURRY???

tendou hudson: AYEEE ONE OF US ONE OF US ADD THAT HOE BACKKK

tooru lopez: CHILEEEEE PLZ

iwa lopez: BARK BARK GRR ARF ARF ARF GRRR BARK BARK BARK ARF GRRR WOOF WOOF RUFF ARF GRRR WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK GRRRR ARF ARF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF

tobio d’amelio: AOSEKDKEKEKSK WALMART ADVENTURES WITH SHOUYOU STINGYSHIMA YACHI YAMAGUCHI AND KAGS PART UNOOO

tobio d’amelio: and yeah this is shouyou, kageyama is using dem crutches luv he cannot type <3

iwa lopez: why tf is he not in bed,

iwa lopez: i told him to stay in bed hinata.

tobio d’amelio: ASJDXKJW calm your tits iwaizumi-san his sister wanted us to get groceries ok and kages wanted to get up and walk around

iwa lopez: oh

iwa lopez: WAIT CALM MY TITS??? WHAT TITS???

yamakita dragun: iwaizumi you got jugssss

sugayce hall: like serious jugs milk supply for agessss

yACK: thats where i be gettin the goood milk tf

kurhoe: we dont even need breastmilk anymore guys because we

yACK: shut up NERD

brokuto:  _ HEY _

brokuto: thats  _ my  _ nerd >:(

yachison rae: i got glocks in my crocs

yachison rae: NO SOCKS

tobio d’amelio: just got my GUN on me

yamakita dragun: why does kageyama always go to walmart catfishin people.............

shouyou d’amelio: bc its fun you wouldnt understand

tobio d’amelio: i forgot i gave you my phone

tsukki gregg: Not the old man trying to be King’s sugar daddy...

tooru lopez: what did tobio-chan say

yachison rae: HE SAID YES HE SAID YESJDSKDXKE

shouyou d’amelio: we exchanged numbers <3

iwa lopez: EXCUSE ME????

tobio d’amelio: GET THAT CASHHHHH KAGSKSKDKLSEKSLE

sugayce hall: OOOP YESSS GET IT

tooru lopez: IM PROUD IM SO SO PROUD

iwa lopez: hinata 

tobio d’amelio: a-already o-on it..

daddymatsukawa: mans voice be calming the STORM

hanamontana maki: we are  _ texting _ you dumb bitch

ehnocora: SKEKSKESLEKA WHY IS THSKKSLE

tsumu westbrook: PLZ THATS SENDIND MESKKSKSLPW#(SIMD

shouyou d’amelio: DAMN I ALMOST FELL OUTTA MY CRUTCHESKEZLXKEKS

iwa lopez: SIEKSLELSKAKSKZ

shouyou d’amelio: dont him texting me hey mamas

tobio d’amelio:S KIEKSKEKS HE LITRALLY DIDSKDKZLE

tobio d’amelio: “hey mamas, you got cashapp? i’ll pay you through there. 5000 for the first pic baby SKSLRKSLELSE”

shouyou d’amelio: send a pic of me as charlie d’amelioSLSKKDSKE

sugayce hall: AHAHAHAHASKESLEKSKE

iwa lopez: 

tooru lopez: DO IT DO IT DO IT 

tsumu westbrook: DO ITTT AAHHAJSDSLEKSe

samu hill: SHIII THIS THE BEST SHIT IVE SEEN ALL FUCKIN WEEEEKKSSKKKSE

boobiebata: IM HERE FOR IT GO KAGS

tobio d’amelio: “fuck baby thats hot, sending you 5000 right now”

shouyou d’amelio: WAIT FOR IT TO PROCESS THEN BLOCK AND DELeTE HIS NUMBER HINATA SESKELS$I(SKXKE

sugayce hall: BETTTT AJAJAJAJAJSJEKSKeKX

yamakita dragun: BARK BARK GRR ARF ARF ARF GRRR BARK BARK BARK ARF GRRR WOOF WOOF RUFF ARF GRRR WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK GRRRR ARF ARF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF AAHASZKESE WAIT I DIDNT MEAN TO PASTE THATSKESKE

tsukki gregg: WDYM YOU DIDN’T MEAN TO AHAHAKKSKELSLE

iwa lopez: AHASHEKS BARK BARK GRR ARF ARF ARF GRRR BARK BARK BARK ARF GRRR WOOF WOOF RUFF ARF GRRR WOOF BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK GRRRR ARF ARF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF

tooru lopez: NOT YOU GUYS BARKIN AND YIPPIN AND ARFIN SKKSKEKZLE

tsumu westbrook: YALL THIS IS NOT ITTTT 

tobio d’amelio: WE BLOCKED HIMMMSKDKZKDSKE

shouyou d’amelio: AHAHAAHAHAHAHSKEKXUEOSSKE

iwa lopz: as you should, arf arf <3

tooru lopez: IWA-CHAN SENDING HIM DEATH THTRATSKRKSKESKE

daddymatsukawa: HE IS QHWAHT OH NO OIKAWA IS UKFCUKIN EAD EYALLLSDJZD

hanamontana maki: WTF ARE YOU ASAYING

kurhoe: PLZ IM SO CINFSUED AAHAHSDKKXDe

tobio d’amelio: well i pocketed 5000 dollars <3

shouyou d’amelio: AHAAHXJKSJE PERIOTTT

tobio d’amelio: speaking of periods im literally on mine and my ankle is broken yo

sugayce hall: AJSJEKSKE

iwa lopez: im on my way

tobio d’amelio: oh okay

tooru lopez: “oh okay” iwa-chan is literally going to your house like 5 second after leaving work

daddymatsukawa: lucky bitch

hanamontana maki: so

semisgonorrhea: how do you tell your rival you like them??????

  
  


shouyou d’amelio: you dont

semisgonorrhea: you guys are fucking uselesssss

semisgonorrhea: cant give one single piece of good fuckin advice 

tooru lopez: somebody’s getting pissy~~!!

semisgonorrhea: shut up toeru oinkawa

tooru lopez: i

tobio d’amelio: well you literally just tell them how it is shirabu wtf??? what else are you gonna do?

tobio d’amelio: ???

semisgonorrhea: well you dont understand they fuckin hate me and i hate them but i love them

shirabusstd: which one is it?????

semisgonorrhea: I DO NOT KNOW

iwa lopez: so you have a crush on your rival who you thought you blatantly hated but it turned out that you really just wanted to punch their face with kisses?

semisgonorrhea:

semisgonorrhea: you’re the smartest person HERE

semisgonorrhea: you really summed up just about everything

iwa lopez: thank you?

shirabusstd: that sounds like a whole shit show shirabitch

semisgonorrhea: WELL FUCK YOU YOU STUPID BITCH

semisgonorrhea: you stupidly hot bitch..

shirabusstd: 

shirabusstd:  _ oh  _

iwa lopez: that took a turn

tooru lopez: just fuck already you guys

shirabusstd: what

shirabusstd: WAITTTTT

tobio d’amelio: AHAAHHSJEJX IM SCWEAMING

Daittia: Wait whattt?

ehnocora: THE TURN THAT TOOK AHAHAHSSK

kiyoko simp 2: deja vu yo DEJA VU

yahahaba: YALL REMEMBER WHEN KENTARO AND I WERE LIKE THAT

yahahaba: real deja vu dudeeee

bark: embarrassing

turnipples: YOOO THAT DID NOT JUST HHAPPENJSJJJ

iwa lopez: it did, it sure did.

daddymatsukawa: another relationship achieved

hanamontana maki: our plan is succeeding... now we shall proceed to step 457384

wateri: yes we shall

iwa lopez: what are you guys on???


	13. ITS FINALLY STARTING

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bakayama: I HAVE A CRUSH ON IWAIZUMI-SAN
> 
> boke: who doesnt?
> 
> bakayama: THIs IS SEROIrIUS
> 
> bakayama: i LITERALLY like him
> 
> bakayama: AS IN CRUSH LOVE LIKE HIM
> 
> boke:
> 
> boke: oh
> 
> boke: OH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BACK AGAISEJ
> 
> imma try posting more before school starts on TUESDAYAKSK
> 
> so hopefully we may get through half the iwakage arc
> 
> which means 2 posts a day? maybe???

_ iwa~chan is hot club 2.0 _

  
  


_ tooru iwaizumi added 10+ people _

  
  


tooru iwaizumi: so, as the club expanded we have decided to make a new groupchat!!

koushi iwaizumi: niceee, we have new members?

tetsurou iwaizumi: YOOOO

koutarou iwaizumi: WSP FUCKERSS

tobio: why am i here?

ryu iwaizumi: why not tho, kags?

yuu iwaizumi: exactly brooo

shouyou iwaizumi: WHOOPS 

tobio: BOKE?????

shouyou iwaizumi: look iwaizumi-san is hot shut up bakayama

tobio: who else is in here wtf

atsumu iwaizumi: self explanatory

osamu iwaizumi: pretty self explanatory

keiji iwaizumi: i just ended up here

tadashi iwaizumi: yeahhhhh

tobio: AKAASHIAJSJE

tobio: okay so you guys added me to your iwaizumi cult nice nice

tobio: why tho

keiji iwaizumi: ..why not?

tooru iwaizumi: come onn tobio~chan! dont be a bummmmer, who wouldnt wanna be in a cult worshiping iwa~chan~?

tobio: i dunno, maybe me????

shouyou iwaizumi: we know thats a lie

hitoka iwaizumi: seriously, we all think iwaizumi is hot dont we?

hitoka iwaizumi: we literally fangirl over him every other day

eita iwaizumi: exactly, iwaizumi is love iwaizumi is life

koutarou iwaizumi: his arms are my only food source

tobio: UM

tobio: well iwaizumi-san isss attractive but this is a little far...

amanai iwaizumi: yk ive been lurkin in the chat and yeah iwaizumi is fuckin hot yo wtf why wouldnt you wanna be here

tobio: they got you too huh, kanoka

amanai iwaizumi: duh

chikara iwaizumi: i really didnt wanna be added to the 2.0 chat but okay.

tooru iwaizumi: i know, but you seemed down chi~chan.........

chikara iwaizumi: im just done with you all’s bullshit there’s a difference, oikawa

tobio: thats fair

yuu iwaizumi: you were gone for a week ennoooo thats not being done with us thats disappearing :(

chikara iwaizumi: sorry i just dont feel well. imma head out

tooru iwaizumi: oh, well bye chi~chan! feel better!!!

yuu iwaizumi: byeeee!!

ryu iwaizumi: uh, bye ennoshita

tobio: uhm

eita iwaizumi:  _ screenshot4539.jpg  _ _ (its a screenshot of an instagram post by iwaizumi, a mirror selfie of him shirtless and tugging down his shorts to reveal his boxers by a bit. the caption reads: ‘good morning’) _

tobio: EXCUsE ME?

tooru iwaizumi: OO~~~

koutarou iwaizumi: I AM FED

tetsurou iwaizumi: BREAKFAST TIME BITCHES

atsumu iwaizumi: imma beat to this later

tadashi iwaizumi: KAKEKSKELA#)AOXK#

eita iwaizumi:  _ screenshot4540.jpg  _ _ (another iwaizumi instagram post, a mirror selfie of him only in boxers, finger hooked on his waist band. caption reads: ‘good night’ as it is a post from the day before) _

osamu iwaizumi: I A CHODKUNG ON MA LUCKT CHAR SM

atsumu iwaizumi: DYAMSND

tobio: i

tobio: WEEWOSOKDZE

tooru iwaizumi: AJSJAJSKSE AHHHHAHSJ

tobio: oh my fiddlestickshumptydumptymatildabubblenuggetsshoeshiningcobblecookoutburgerbarbequemacandcheesepotatosalad

tobio: I THINK I

tobio: BOKE BOKE BOKE DMS NOW 

shouyou iwaizumi: um okay

tooru iwaizumi: has he realized he has a crush on iwa~chan yet?

atsumu iwaizumi: i think he has now

osamu iwaizumi: ye think?

tadashi iwaizumi: god finally plan iwakage can now commence this shit has been going on for way too long

  
  


___

  
  


_ direct messages: boke, bakayama _

boke: what?

bakayama: I HAVE A CRUSH ON IWAIZUMI-SAN

boke: who doesnt?

bakayama: THIs IS SEROIrIUS

bakayama: i LITERALLY like him

bakayama: AS IN CRUSH LOVE LIKE HIM

boke:

boke: oh

boke: OH

boke: SERIOUSLY??

bakayama: no not seriously

bakayama: YES SERIOUSLY BOKE

boke: AJAJAHAHSJEHA SUCKS TO SUCK I GUESS

bakayama: well im sorry oikawa-san doesnt know you like him “sUcKS tO SuCk i GuEsS”

boke:

boke: what are you even talking about i dont like grand king tf?

bakayama: and i thought i was dense lemme look away chile

boke: BRO WHAT??

  
  


___

  
  


_ hype house _

  
  


terushima charles: so i come back after eating that pussy so hard that i got streppthroat 

yamakita dragun: you need to shut up

terushima charles: anyway so i come back after eating that pussy so hard that i got streppthroat for a week, and shirasemi starts dating???

semisgonorrhea: yeah sadly

shirbausstd: SADLY?

shirabusstd: you literally texted me and i quote: “good morning eita, have you eaten breakfast? ykw you should have so anyway, i really love you and miss you ei <3”

semisgonorrhea: and YOU texted back and i quote: “of course i ate breakfast you cute bitch, and i love you and miss you too hun, we still meeting up at starbucks tomorrow? <3”

iwa lopez: shut up

semisgonorrhea: somebody’s gwumpy :(

iwa lopez: well this gwumpy boy has to work the 2pm - 10:30pm at STARBUCKS

iwa lopez: and then i have to work the 5:30 am to 11:30 am shift which means i get 2 hours and 30 minutes to rest before my next fucking shift like bro just because fucking mattsun called out sick doesnt mean that ME of ALL OTHER PEOPLE you coulda chose has to work the stupid UGHHHSHDHZH

daddymatsukawa: bro i am sick i cant do anything abt that

iwa lopez: BRO IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO WORKS HERE LITERALLYSKSKE

tobio d’amelio: wow somebody is angry

iwa lopez: no shit kageyama

tobio d’amelio: s’ehhdkzke

tobio d’amelio: gOTTA BLST

iwa lopez: bye

iwa lopez: well im gonna go fucking sleep while i can before i have to work the STUPID SHIFT

tooru lopez: bye bye iwa~chan! dont worry, ill be awake to su

iwa lopez: shut your fucking face

semisgonorrhea: dude i think i peed myself

kurhoe: he has no right being that scary and hot

brokuto: you  _ peed _ yourself??? i think i came myself dude

kurhoe: SAME

turnipples: yall are disgusting

kukneemi: as if your nipples arent hard

turnipples: babe my nipples are always hard

tobio d’amelio: wow tmi yall did not need to know

shouyou d’amelio: yk what sounds nice right about now?

shouyou d’amelio: that good ol ao3 angry sex rn

tooru lopez: S SJESKEJS XIEW(#W{A:S

semisgonorrhea: AJSO#S(E{AE+SEK WAHAT???

turnipples: PAUSE

kukneemi: WAHTHSJ hUH?/ hINAT?A???Se

aone: what did you all  _ do  _ to him?

shouyou d’amelio: nothing i literally been knew

aone: oh.

aone: plz dont use those kind of jokes...

shouyou d’amelio: make me stop then ;)

aone: asjjes9zj

tobio d’amelio: JAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLJSJE

kurhoe: EXCUKESK TO AONE:??S??S

brokuto: bronata... that wasnt cool.....

shouyou d’amelio: ...sorry :(

aone: i

aone: didnt expect that.

footacoochie: OI WATCHA MOUF AROUND AONE PLZ

yachison rae: AEEEAJSJJEHAINAAND HINATAASJ

tsukki gregg: SHORTIE- You did not just....

Wakanthony Reeves: Shouyou.. 

shouyou d’amelio: EYE WHY IS EveYONE COEING ONLIEBNSE

ehnocora: IGNIANSU HINSATUANSIE

kiyoko simp 1: THE WAY I BARKED JUST NOWWWKSES\\\

kehundos: AEXUD EXUCSE ME????? SHOUYOu HINATA GIVE ME THE PHONE

naruto: SPEAKING pRIVELAGES TAKEN

hanamontana maki: AJASHEHAHHAHAH ATTA BOYYY AHAHA

daddymatsukawa: IM PROIUDUSAEKK

asaheehee: okay this may be the wrong time but sugawara koushi if you bring your boyfriend into this household only to have him fuck you so hard the bed is creaking, you are screaming, and i can hear it from MY room? eviction notice. pack it up 365 days. i am not lost babygorl and but you know what i lost? some good fucking rest. if i have to hear you scream: “daddy raw me” one more time or if i have to hear you GAGGING ON HIS DICK ONE MORE TIME i will be forcefully removing you from this apartment by either murdering you, murdering you or murdering you because i have had enough of this.

asaheehee: also can you stop leaving your fucking filled condoms, cum shot cups, ANYTHING FILLED WITH CUM just lying around in your room. when im ACTUALLY CLEANING AROUND i find them just laying somewhere like throw them away??? what are you gonna do? eat them???? literally just dispose of them. sugawara i have had up to my fucking baby hairs with this bullshit i will not hesitate to kill you and your boyfriend while your fucking in your own bedroom in your own apartment

asaheehee: sincerely, asahi azumane your ROOMMATE WHO IS TIRED OF YOU TWO’S KINKY NONSENSE

tobio d’amelio:

shouyou d’amelio:

kiyoko simp 2: BABEAJSJEJSJ

kiyoko simp 1: SUCH A POWERFUL FUCKIN SPEECH BRAVO BRAVO

tooru lopez: THAT ENTIE TH?GINS IS SPENDING MEEEKSAK

sugayce hall: who’s suga tf i cannot see suddenly i am blind

Daittia: 

iwa lopez: ASJEJSKE

iwa lopez: YOU GUYS ARE SPAMMING SO MUCH I HAD TO SEE THIS SHIT AND IM GLAD I DIDKSKKE

tobio d’amelio: IC ANT BREAVR I VANT BRAVR I CANTB EBRBAE

shouyou d’amelio: WEHEZ EWHEZE WHEZJS AHASHKEKS

agaasheh: OH MY JSJSKS!EKS

konoahbeck: AJSJEJSJS m y first time ehre and i LOVE ITJAJSJEK

kodzuken: oh-

kurhoe: JAJSHAHHHSAHSZKWSK

brokuto: THIS CHAT IS A DIFFERENT BREEDSKSKEKSe

tsukki gregg: WHAEUWAJJSJ

Wakanthony Reeves: AKsjesi

goshicky: AKSJAJWSJW SHAH WHAT

tendou hudson: A JJSJA ASAHISJ

aone: WOW

footacoochie: QUITRE THE ATWEMENR TAUSU

kanoeka: EJWAJW HWAHT???

yui: baby you shouldnt have come in heree

mother kiyoko: azumane i

tobio d’amelio: I GESNUINEL/y NEED HELP BREATIS?HGS?

shouyou d’amelio: I CSHENST BRAVEH

yamakita dragun: IM ALUGJINH HSO HARD ITS PAINUGUTL

sugayce hall: well im sorry you and noya are plain and vanilla and cant even get the slightest bit freaky like might as well read a whole childs book in there while your at it.

asaheehee: at least YOU get some sleep at night SUGAWARA

asaheehee: i dont think “daddy~ fuck me~” is any asmr IVE ever listened to

tobio d’amelio: yagami yato

yamakita dragun: NOT MS. YATOOOSKDKKSE

iwa lopez: YAGAMI WHP??A?LSKZ

  
  


tooru lopez: AHSHSAKEKSKSEKZ PLZ NOT YAGAMIAKSK

terushima charles: YALL I STILL GOT STREPP P:ZKSEKS

tobio d’amelio: shouldnt have swallowed that period blood terushima

yamakita dragun: S EKSJE WHAKR

tooru lopez: YOU GUYS ARE SO OUTTA POCKET TODAY SKKDSKE WHAT THE HWLLAKZ\

iwa lopez: JESUSUAYALSL YALLA

asaheehee: YAGAMI YATO? KAGEYAMA GIVE ME THE PHONE NEOWWW

agaasheh: LORD JESUS YALLSKSJE

kodzuken: i need to sleep this is a lucid dream yooo

kurhoe: I CNT BREAHT I CANT DO IT AIR IS NOT CIRCULAITNG REPSIRARTORYF AILING

yACKu: NERD

kurhoe: BRUHSDSJE

brokuto: tetsu is my nerd <3

kurhoe: haha <3

kurhoe: you have a feral dog boyfriend and i have ko <3

leviackermen: RUFF RUFF ARF BARK BARK GRR ARF WOOF BARK BARK GRRR ARF RUFF RUFF

leviackermen: i am no DOG

leviackermen: am cat

iwa lopez: yall all have rabies

tobio d’amelio: and terushima probably swallowed an std

yamakita dragun: EXCUSE ME BITCH IT WAS MY PUSSY HE ATE AND I AM CLEAN YOU LITTLE BITCH

tobio d’amelio: i am a big bitch <3

ehnocora: im going back to bed

kiyoko simp 1: ennoshita wait

ehnocora: bye

kiyoko simp 2: whats goin on wit you two?

sugayce hall: ennoshita has been avoiding him since last wednesday.

sugayce hall: ive asked him whats wrong and he wont tell me.

Daittia: All told me is that something happened ‘in the fanclub chat’. What’s that?

tooru lopez: UHHHHHHHHHHHHSKKSK

tobio d’amelio: a chat where we simp over anime guys

tobio d’amelio: i havent been in it for that long so i wouldnt know

yamakita dragun: i dony remember anything happening including ennoshita... im in the chat btw.

yamakita dragun: did anybody say something offensive?

tooru lopez: read back to last wednesday, nothing happened that woulda made chi~chan this sad.. no offenses no teasing

kurhoe:

kurhoe: honeyracha

tooru lopez: AKWAKESKE

tobio d’amelio: AAJZKSIQ(ZK:AOZ

shouyou d’amelio: zKSSO#)({“Zkwaj

brokuto: kinky

iwa lopez: KINKU??AMSJ

tooru lopez: KONKY???SJSJJW

tobio d’amelio: WONKY>ASJEJSKE

daddymatsukawa: WANKY?

daddymatsukawa: wait omfg goddamnit 


	14. SKXJDKSKE SO MUCH HAPPenS HERE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daddy:
> 
> tobio: well?
> 
> tobio: what are you waiting for?
> 
> the better kawa: exactly, im listening.
> 
> daddy: im not telling you my kinks.
> 
> tobio: oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXTRA LONG TO MAKE UP FOR MY ABSENCE THIS WEEKSJJEJE
> 
> oh and the better kawa is matsukawa ;)
> 
> another update coming tomorrowww

_ toe cult _

  
  


tobio: how do you stop barking?

tobio: FUCK THIS ISN’T GOOGLE

sho: BAKAYAMASJDJEKJS

toeru: TOBIO~CHAN?SKDKSE

kurhoe: WHY IS THAT SENDING MEKSEK

suga do drug: ikSEISKeks HUH?

asaheehee: SJJESKE 

kiyoko simp noya: YO I BARK TOO HOW DO YOU STOP???

ehnoshitah: what in the uchis guchis

tadasheehee: honestly thats a really good question, why are you even barking to begin with?

tobio: i was dragged out by boke over here to go hang out with oikawa-san and stuff and some girl was targeting iwaizumi-san and i had this sudden urge to bark

tobio: again

kurhoe: DUDE SAMEKSKE

sho: ARF BARK EJSJDJE

sho: YOU’RE SPREADING ITJSJE

suga do drug: PLZ NOT THIS AGAIN

dad’s meaty thighs: ASJESKE WhAt

daddy: why would you have the urge to  _ bark _ ??

daddy: im literally fine she was just asking for my number

toeru: GIRLS? ASKING FOR  _ YOUR  _ NUMBER?

toeru: my charm really has faded.. boohoo~

daddy: im gonna act like 30 people didnt approach you during our time here

tobio: wait why is his

tobio: you guys really like to expose people’s kinks in this chat, huh?

tadasheehee: KINK EXPOSING?

tadasheehee: my speciality

sho: SPECILAITY?

sho: s

sho: specaicality

sho: speci

tobio: speciality*

sho: i knew that

tadasheehee: tsukki has a 

tyrannousaurus rex: yamaguchi has a praise kink

tadasheehee: TOUCHE

tobio: i dont have any kinks

toeru: are you sure about that, little tobio-chan~?

tobio: yes

toeru: sure~~

daddy: i do

the better kawa: lemme get out my pen and paper

hanamontana maki: ooo

tobio: let me sit down for this one

toeru: deadass, let me seat myself!

suga do drug: i am seated

tadasheehee: mhm ^

daddy:

tobio: well?

tobio: what are you waiting for?

the better kawa: exactly, im listening.

daddy: im not telling you my kinks.

tobio: oh

tobio: thats embarrassing.

suga do drug: not us getting our hopes up...

footacoochie: second hand embarrassment...

moneywa: reading this made me go take a run ong the embarrassment 

suga do drug: bro we get it we embarrassing...

tadasheehee: LMAOOOOSKESJE I FEEL SO DUMB

tobio: adios....

toeru: AKKSJZKEJ LMAO NOT HIM LEAVINGIKSKE

the better kawa: i would leave too...

daddy: you guys literally thought i was gonna

tobio: you’re not gonna

tobio: but i will ;)

daddy: wait what

daddy: WAIT WHAT

daddy: KAGEYAMA WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO YOU MEAN

daddy: SOKDSKE WAIRJDESj WAIT COME BACK HERE I DONSKJD

the better kawa: SHHDSJEASHAHHAH

toeru: TOBIO-CHAN?????

toeru: TOBIO-CHAN WHERE DID YOU EVEN GO?

tobio: osamu-san and i went to get ice cream

toeru: without me? :(

tobio: yes???

hotter miya twin: ye oughta be glad i brought ‘im along

hotter than atsumu: i only came for the free food

suna rantaro amami: nah, you only came because bobata is here

boobiebata: huh

terusheeheema: why are you always with them???

terusheeheema: bro :(

boobiebata: i still love you bro :((

tobio: stop

toeru: please stop

the hotter twin: and there he goes, followin bobata

tobio: brug moment

yacht: uchis guchis my puchis he wanna take him a luchis

yacht: TWISJT THIS AINT TIKTOKSJZ

toeru: A SAJDJSKE TINY MANAGER-CHANSDJE

sho: AJXZSJKZD

yahahaba: WHY IS THAT SENDING ME RN SJDJWJJXJS

bark: AJXJWJZJ UCHIS GIVHIAJS

sho: KWKXJWNNZ

toeru: wait

toeru: yo i lost iwa-chan! :(

sho: brug moment 💔

daddy: chill im with kageyama. we got ice cream.

tobio: periott

sho: what did we expect from you guys? lovebirds smh

tobio: i love birds

toeru: I HATE IT HERE

ehnoshitah: SKKSJEXK#(SK#

yacht: SKESKKXJSPE

tyrannosaurus rex: PLEASE I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE.

tyrannosaurus rex: THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW.

tyrannosaurus rex: KAGEYAMA

toeru: SHUT SHUT SHUT SHUT SHUTTTTT

tyrannosaurus rex: ISKDXXKEL

tadasheehee: IM NOT LETTING HIM DO THIS

tadasheehee: I DIDNT RUN TRACK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL FOR NOTHIN LOSERS

tadasheehee: WISH ME LUCK <3

terusheeheema: THATS MY BABY <3

sho: ISSJDJJEK IS HE RUNNING??SXJXJE

tobio: PROBBALBFRD

yacht: AYSLDSJE AHHAAHHS

daddy: what?

tobio: nothing <3

daddy: okay...?

sho: this is truly so painful you guys

sho: anyway so i think im gay

sho: th

sho: wrong chat

toeru: ooooh, shouyou~~~

sho: sjehhs shes WrONG CHATTTT

tadasheehee: hinata likes oikawa

tadasheehee: WRONG CHAT

tadasheehee: WhY DO THEY HAve SIMILIAR MAMES???

tadasheehee: oh yeah and im still running rn

tadasheehee: tsukki is either looking for his glasses or stepping on his glasses

terusheeheehma: suddenly the duo are silent

the better kawa: if they get together we only have one more on our radar

egghead: yes it is all coming together

egghead: FINALLY 

hanamontana maki: FRRR YESSSS

tobio: bruh i knew boke liked him.

tobio: it wasn’t that hard to realize

the better kawa: nah you can just read hinata like a book????

tobio: if hinata was a book it wouldn’t be too hard to read tf?

suga do drug: yeah thats bc you dont have hinata dyslexia 

tadasheehee: ebekll throne

tobio: YOU’RE STILL RUNNING?

tadasheehee: nah im btryna breahtig

terusheeheema: baby >:(

moneywa: mans ran a whole marathon

moneywa: like me after this embarrassment chile

footacoochie: this chat is exposing our babey aone to such... nastiness >:(

aone: mm.

amasilento: this chat is my breakfast lunch and dinner???

yui: baby???

yacht: ew the lesbians

queen kiyoko: i

mai: SKSJJSK LETS GO LESBIANS

tobio: see this is why i stan wlw

tadasheehee: periodt

brokuto: yall tsukki’s brother texted me and tsukki is very angry

brokuto: his glasses are in tact but his sanity is not

brokuto: his vision is clear but his mental state isnt and he may or may not kill yamaguchi in... b-blind rage...

kurhoe: KDSJJEKSEWLAKW

tobio: LMAOAOAOSKDK

tadasheehee: im pickin up my pace again

moneywa: go white boy go

tadasheehee: i???

moneywa: i said

moneywa: GO WHITE BOY GO

tadasheehee: AKSJEJS IM GOING IM GOING

brokuto: WHRTJDSKRDD

kurhoe: BRO???

suga do drug: yo???

tobio: we’re asian

moneywa: bruh do you even titktok

tobio: haha tit

the better kawa: BRUG

daddy: i’m heading home

tobio: suga-san come get me, plz...

daddy: i’ll just take you home

daddy: to your own house

the better kawa: how did you know...............

hanamontana maki: he really decoded us.................

tobio: why wouldn’t you take me back to my own house...? 

tadasheehee: I HEAR FOOTSTEPSLDKX

tadasheehee: IM RUNNING SO MUCH FASTER NOWWSKKES

tadasheehee: MYT LUEGS BUNRN

brokuto: SJSJEK PLZZZZ YAMAGUCHI RUN

sho:

sho: i hope stingyshima gets you <3

tadasheehee: DONT/\dsKEW#))SO ZOKKS E #)WS@S

sho:

sho: wait did he

sho: I WAS KIDDING I MEAN YOU GOT ME A BOUFRIENF YAMAGUCHI PZLC OEMIDJSE

tadasheehee: “Stingyshima” got him.

tadasheehee: Or... he tripped so I just grabbed his phone.

tadasheehee: He scraped his knee, lmao.

brokuto: we really thought yamaguchi was gonna die

tadasheehee: No? I was mad, but I’d never stoop so low as to kill somebody.

yuujiheehee: okay byakuya togami

tadasheehee: I

sho: YKZJS BYAKUUJSJE

toeru: okay teruteru hanamura <3

yuujiheehee: be quiet gaston

toeru: GASTON????

daddy: GASONTISKK GASTOMDKSK

daddy: SSIESKE NOT GASTON

the better kawa: ARENT YOU DRIVING

daddy: no, this is kageyama

daddy: he let me use his phone, mine died.

hanamontana maki: are yall dating..?

daddy: no..?

  
  


_____

  
  


toeru: guys

toeru: IWA-CHAN HAS PIERCINGS???

emo twich th0tty: 

emo twitch th0tty: don’t remember this changing but

emo twitch th0tty: what????

suga do drug: PIERCINGS????

suga do drug: WHAT KIND

toeru: he has a ear piercings and

toeru: and GET THIS

toeru: SNAKE

toeru: BITES

suga do drug: SNAKE BITES???

the better kawa: KSKSJSJEKSKEW WOAHHH WHAT????

emo twitch th0tty: SNAKE BITES

emo twitch th0tty: IM RUNNING

daddy: dude

daddy: you always out me to be horny what the fuck.

toeru: IT’S HOT OK???

sho: who is emo twitch th0tty???

emo twich th0tty: kageyama

daddy: SINCE WHEN?

emo twitch th0tty: since forever

toeru: wasnt it already established that tobio-chan was a emo twitch streamer named uwu th0tty??

sho: IT WAS?

kiyoko simp tanaka: thats on having dementia

sho: S KEJJE DEMENTIa???

emo twitch thotty: alzheimers <3

sho: AKSKEKKS THIS SLANDERSKKE

toeru: its okay baby old age comes with some minor setbacks

sho: OLD AGE???????

sho: YOU’RE OLDER THAN ME???

suga do drugs: hinata hun, its okay we know.. u dont wanna age... but it happens..!

sho: YALL

daddy: you should really see a doctor about that hinata.

sho: IWAIZUMI????? YOU TOO???

queen kiyoko: if you’re having trouble remembering things, talk to a doctor hinata.

sho: SHSJJSE

sho: IM NOT OLD I SWEARRRKSKEJXE

sho: SJDJKSEJSJSOEAKSJDJE

emo twitch th0tty: LMAOOAOAOAOA its okay boke... we understand

sho: STOP IT YALL IM NOT OLDDDD

sho: PZLSKDKSKE

emo twitch th0tty: happy 58th birthday!! <3

sho: SIEKSKELZXZK

toeru: wait plz stop you’re gonna kill my boyfriend

sho: SKJKJXJSKEJ

toeru: SHOUYOU??

toeru: sh

toeru: shouyou

toeru: SHOUYOU BABY

toeru: YOU GUYSSSS

toeru: SHOUYOUUUU

emo twitch th0tty: lmao he’s dead haha

kiyoko simp tanaka: LMAO SWLKDKKX

toeru: YOU GUYS KILLED MY BABYYYY

toeru: SHO BABYYY??

daddy: i

daddy: hinata are you actually okay? 

tyrannosaurus rex: LMAO WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO?

the hotter twin: not yall killing hinata...

kiyoko simp tanaka: SKEJSKOEOS#K

kiyoko simp tanaka: said it how it is.............

the hotter twin: okay gundham tanaka

kiyoko simp tanaka:

emo twitch th0tty: FKSJEJS GUMDDNAJS GUNDAMMSKEJS

kiyoko simp tanaka: I VERY MUCH LOVE JUM-P MAGA-Z SAN-D AND CHAM-P

queen kiyoko: SKEJSJEKSJE YOU REMEBEREDJJDJSJE

yacht: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  
  
  
  
  


_____

  
  
  
  
  


_ prett e setters minus atsumu plus kuroo and watari _

is atsumu: yer always callin me ugly yall i cant take it anymore...

professor kuroo: according to my calculations that shit true..

watari: yaku isnt here to say it so i might as well do it

watari: ahem

watari: NERD

professor kuroo: BRUG

tobio: atsumu-san what we supposed to do? lie?

is atsumu: NO???

tobio: then we said the truth

tobio: i’d bang osamu

is atsumu: WE LOoK THE SAMEKSKEXI

dooru oikawa: not really

dooru oikawa: samu-chan is cuter~!!

is atsumu: GRRKSKK

sugay: anyway kiss marry kill, oikawa, iwaizumi, hinata go kageyama

is atsumu: go white boy go

agaasheh: STOPSKESKEK 

tobio: kiss boke and oikawa-san, marry iwaizumi-san, kill myself <3

dooru oikawa: i

sugay: woah

is atsumu: that shet got real dark

semi eita thisa pussya: kiss marry kill: suna rantaro, oikawa, daishou go atsumu

is atsumu: i wo

professor kuroo: kill daishou <3

is atsumu:

is atsumu: yeah i guess

is atsumu: marry suna, kiss oikawa, kill daishou immediately abolish him

tobio: wtf is abolish

shiraboo: how do you not know what abolish is

tobio: well im sorry my mental capacity is about the size and 800 bits of shreeded cheese, a cheese grater and a fucking yam

shiraboo:

shiraboo: A CHEESE GRATER???

kodzuken: my spirit animal is a metal spoon in boiling hot water <3

semi eita thisa pussya: spicy

keith kogane: spicy?

kodzuken: no

kodzuken: dangerous

agaasheh: my ability to stand yalls crap is about the size of kageyama single brain cell, a grain of sugar and a bottle cap

dooru oikawa: iwa-chan’s clothes smell like nail clippings, antarctica on fire and hot dog water

tobio: musty and manly

watari: MUSTY AND MANLY BYEEEE

professor kuroo: AJSEJSKE AHAHA MUST ANTRESK

semi eita thisa pussya: MUST AND MANLY BYEEEKEKSKEKZLEK

shiraboo: LMAOAOOAOAOSKjdKE

kodzuken: KASRJSJJS AHAHAHAH IMAGINEEEKSKE

sugay: LMAOAOAOAOAOAAO

dooru oikawa: MUST AND

dooru: EW I

sugay: be quiet you probably smell like jesus’s grave

dooru: EXCUSE ME????

tobio: does that mean he smells angelic?

sugay:

dooru oikawa:

professor kuroo:

professor kuroo: somebody didnt think that through......

sugay: BE QUIET

watari: how disappointing....

agaasheh: embarrassing...

semi eita thisa pussya: LMAOOOO 

kodzuken: be quiet kuroo you literally smell like my great great great great grandma’s 2,763 year old ashes

kodzuken: and that bitch been dead for a while so no that is not a pleasant smell

semi eita thisa pussya: THE WAY I JUST GAGGED

shiraboo: LMAOOOOSKKKEKXJDKSE I CANT 

professor kuroo: as if you dont spell like a piece of moldy swedish cheese  _ kenma _

professor kuroo: you smell like you havent showered since 2008

kodzuken: @SKKEDK#{W$DOLEDXJE

agaasheh: WOAHHHAKSEJSKE

dooru oikawa: HE CAME, DRAGGED AND LEFT NO CRUUMBSSSS

tobio: kuroo-san you smell like the equivalent of michael jackson’s grave and your hair looks like you havent washed or brushed it out since you were 6 years old. the only shower you’re taking is in hot dog water

professor kuroo: I

kodzuken: DRAG HIM

agaasheh: DRAGGG THAT HOE

dooru oikawa: and we cant even come for tobio-chan because he smells amazing

tobio: proper hygiene luv <3

shiraboo: back to that iwaizumi slander

shiraboo: he’s sexy but he’s probably SO MUSTY

tobio: SKEKSKOEIKSKEKKD

dooru oikawa: PLZZZZZKSKSE

kodzuken: i may not have showered since 2008 but he hasn’t showered since 1956

professor kuroo: SKEKSJESP#(SIEKXMJK NOT YALL SLANDERING IWAIUZZUSKKE

semi eita thisa pussya: EXACTLYYY like bruh i may want to lick the sweat off of his biceps but id rather not have the overwhelming smell of cheese, a boys locker room, dead grass, and axe spray hit me in the face

dooru oikawa: AXE??SKESKEKSKE

watari: YOOOOOOOO

tobio: IWAIZUMI-SAN USES AXE???? EBDSKERDKIELSRR

is atsumu: no iwaizumi is classy he probably uses old spice

watari: OLD SPICEKSKKERKWKE

semi eita thisa pussya: SIKEKKS OLD SPICEKSKEKW

shiraboo: SKEKSO#($SLXKEKSLLE

tobio: off topic but i bet you 20 dollars that he has sweaty balls

watari: BET???LSKDSK

shiraboo: WHO’S TAKING UP  _ THAT  _ BET????

dooru oikawa: YALL SEE SOMETHIN???

semi eita thisa pussy: LSKKESKEKSE KAGEYAMA BOLDDDDDD

tobio: BET BECAUSE IF HE DOES YOU GUYS ALL OWE ME 20 DOLLARS

dooru oikawa: HOW TF ARE YOU GONNA CHECK IF HE HAS SWEATY BALLS TOBIO-CHAN??

tobio:

tobio: oop oh right i didnt think that through

watari: NAH NAH BET IS STILL ON

tobio: NO IT ISN’T

dooru oikawa: imagine he actually did it. i would have SCREAMED

kodzuken: nah yall puthysss

  
  


_ kodzuken added Iwaizumi _

  
  


kodzuken: yo iwaizumi

Iwaizumi: oh god, what now?

tobio: KENMAJSMJMEKSe

dooru oikawa: RIP RIP RIP GRDJJESKE

watari: SHHHH KENMA BE QUIET

kodzuken: do you have

professor kuroo: THE SCIENCE HW ANSWERS

kodzuken: sweaty balls

professor kuroo: KENMA

tobio: i was never even in this chat yall didnt see me here ahaha

dooru oikawa: im using braille rn idek what yall sayin

is atsumu: im osamu i dont even like these guys

agaasheh: im parental supervision i swear

kodzuken: NOT YALL BRINGING OUT THE EXCUSES

Iwaizumi: i dont know, do i?

dooru oikawa: KESJJDSKE

tobio: IM DROPPING THE PHONE YALL SCREENSHOT THE CHAT FOR ME

professor kuroo: SHHSHSIKESLE

Iwaizumi:  _ image834.jpeg _ _ [ another mirror picture, this time the lighting is red bc leds yk? and its just him cupping his dick in sweatpants k bye ] _

dooru oikawa: SAVED

kodzuken: SJDSJKSKEJSJE I ASKED IF YOU HAD  _ SWEATY BALLS  _ NOT LARGE BALLS

professor kuroo: AKSKEKSKEKKSLe EDUCSE SEKNEMA

agaasheh: IAKSEKSKE KENMA

tobio: haha large balls

kodzuken: I REGRET THAT

kodzuken: I REGRET THAT

Iwaizumi: oh right, sorry.

Iwaizumi: gimme a sec

dooru oikawa: GIVE YOU A SEC???

semi eita thisa pussya: WOAh WOAH WHAT???

tobio: if he drops a dick pic it is OVER my life is OVER my education is OVER IM OUTTT

shiraboo: DONT JINX IT

shiraboo:

shiraboo: DO JINX IT

dooru oikawa: WHHASKEKSKE

watari: IM ShAKing WiTHY THIS PHONE RN

kodzuken: WHAT DO WE DO

tobio: KENMA THIS IS YOUR FAULT

is atsumu: HE DID NOT

is atsumu: YER

is atsumu: YER KIDDING 

dooru oikawa: BE QUIETTTTTTTSKDKE

professor kuroo: IM SCREEN RECORDING THIS SHIT RN

Iwaizumi: _[this picture is no longer available]_

professor kuroo: ECUSLESLDEK

  
  


_ tobio left the chat _

  
  


kodzuken: HE EIDDKSKDKKER

dooru oikawa: GOOD BYEISKEKE

watari: ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF DKDDKDKLE

is atsumu: OU SHIT

is atsumu: OU SHIT OU SHIT OUT HSIRDKSEDKER

agaasheh: KNEES? WOBBLING BYEKSKDKE

semi eita thisa pussya: HELP YALL

semi eita thisa pussya: JIROU IS SCREAMINGGGGG OVER FACETIME

shiraboo: WHAT THE FUACKDJFSKKEO$E(DIKREDSJE:P$O

Iwaizumi: peace

  
  


_ Iwaizumi left the chat _

  
  


dooru oikawa: he did his damage and LEFT

  
  


_ kodzuken added tobio _

  
  


tobio: i am never going to look at iwaizumi-san the same thanks to SOMEBODY we know

tobio: everybody give a big ol,  _ thank you  _ to kenma kozume <3

kodzuken: awe shucks your welcome!!

sugayce: OH M Y GOD

sugayce: IM SORRY WAHT??

is atsumu: I CANNOT UNSEE I CANNOT UNSEE

dooru oikawa: WHEW CHILE IM NOT GONNA SLEEP TODAY

  
  
  


____

  
  
  


_ toe cult _

  
  


suga do drug: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Daittia: KUROOOSKDKE WHY WOUD YoKSKEK

sho: ???

tobio: so i went to take a jog, a shower, and i am now laying down counting sheep

tobio: i almosts said counting dic

tobio: AHHHHHHHHHAIKSKJEISKESIREKDSE

sho: YALL????

aone: are you guys okay?

toeru: STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STO

daddy: whoops

shirabusstd: WHOOPS??? GRERRJJDKEE

footacoochie: KUROO TETSUROU

footacoochie: WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU JUST SEND ME

toeru: TETSU-CHAN STOP SPREADING IT AROUND

tobio: SJEDJSKE RUNNING AWAY I AM

suga do drug: KUROO STOP

kodzuken: yall i cannot believe i am cancelling my stream because of this

agaasheh: top 10 most unexpected out of pocket shit to ever happen bc of kenma kozume

kodzuken: BRUG

brokuto: KUROO

kurhoe: SKEKSKELSKJESJR$(SK doin my duty ;)

daddy: well shit

daddy: gotta go

kodzuken: AJDJSKEJERKEDSJR

tobio: AYE GET BACK HERE

tobio: you cant just drop a 

tobio: YKW

tobio: and DIP

daddy: yes i can and i did 

daddy: and ill do it again bap bap

toeru: WHAT DID WE DOOOOOTO HIM???

  
  
  


_____

  
  


_ toe cult, 9:54 am _

  
  


daddy: what happened while i was gone?

daddy:

daddy: guys

daddy: guys what the hell happened.

tobio: you are not asking that question right now.

toeru: did you forgot the trauma you brought is iwa-chan?

daddy: trauma.

daddy: such as?

kurhoe: tf do you mean such as?

daddy: i was at work yesterday. what happened while i was gone?

tobio:

tobio: :standing_man:

sho: SKJDSLEKSO$ESKEKD

toeru: NOT THE DISCORJSXKE

daddy: ???

brokuto: hey iwaizumi...

brokuto: was anyone at your house yesterday?

daddy:

daddy: do i really have to answer that?

brokuto: IWAIZUMI

toeru: NOOOOOOOSDKKEKLE

tobio: THIS IS NOT REAL

toeru: DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND????

daddy:

kurhoe: SILENCE

suga do drug: THIS IS AN ENTIRE LUCID DREAM

kodzuken: WAIT A DAMN MINUTE???

daddy: i dont have a girlfriend

daddy: but uhm

kurhoe: UM?

brokuto: U M???

tobio: U M????

daddy: look i was just

tobio: DID YOU HAVE A TINDER HOOK UP IWAIZUMI-SAN?

toeru: BLUNTJSKDJRJKSLE

tobio: BECAUSE THAT BITCH LEAKED YOUR WHOLE ASS DICK PIC IWAIZUMI-SAN

kodzuken: RUNNING AWAY NOW

daddy: WHAT

daddy: NO NO NO NO NOO WHAT

daddy: SAY FUCKING SIKE

toeru: THIS IS CRAZYYY IM FUCKING WILDING

tobio: THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS REAL

semisgonorrhea: NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSKKSKE

aone: i

  
  



	15. WOAH IM BACK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IM BACK yaL:SKKWSJS AHAHA SCHOOLS BEEN GIVIN ME CRAP PLSSS BUT I FINALLY UPDATED WHATS GOOOOOD
> 
> suna and daishou do make appearences here!!
> 
> not daishou is suna and daishou is ofc daishou
> 
> kita shows up once and  
> "die" is daichi. ANYWAYS ENJOY AHAHHA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kyle: OUUHHH SHIT HINATA LET ME IN STOP THEYGOT SUGA SECURITY GOT SUKCGFHA SPSLJSKSSOSPSSPSLSSPSLPSL
> 
> kyle: WHY IS WIWAUZIUMI SI FOAFAST HIANTA LEME ME IN
> 
> kyle: HSOE{“{:{]];;;’’
> 
> tobio: oop
> 
> tsumu: YALL WRONG FOR THAT
> 
> samu: YE LET HOMEGIRL DIE
> 
> shoyo: survival of the fittest

_toe cult_

_1:34 am_

toeru: why is sleep so difficult to achieve?

ehnoshitah: i literally dont know dude

toeru: why are we always up at the same time

ehnoshitah: i passed the fuck out after class so i forgot to do my homework

toeru: MOOD

sho: we’re doing homework

kiyoko simp noya: as always

tadasheehee: sadly

yacht: this is so sad for us

tobio: i literally forgot how to sleep correctly ages ago.

tobio: like i forgot how to swallow yesterday??

kiyoko simp tanaka: th

sho: alzheimers where?

suga duga doo: asahi is listening to top i think he’s in his feels

the better kawa: im on a jog with babeeee <3

hanamontana maki: <3

tobio: at 1 am.....

egg head: go white boy go

terusheeheema: SKDKEKSK NOT GO WHITE BOY GO

tobio: LMAOOOO

brachiosaurus: I shifted into Saiki K and he kicked me out and into Sangwoo’s fucking basement. My head hurts.

tobio: LAMAOAOASLKDSKE

toeru: WOW LMAOOOO AHAHHAHA

sho: JSJDKESOEMEK BAAHAHAHAHA

terusheeheema: leave white boy leave

toeru: S TOPSLDSLE

Iwaizumi: _sleep_.

tobio: in bed sir.

toeru: good night everyone, see you tomorrow! love you sho baby~

sho: love you tooru!!

suga duga doo: nOt YALL KSKSKE DKDSELSE

terusheeheema: iwaizumi be appearing and they be disappearing

yacht: nah i laid down too, he’s so intimidating yo...

tobio: liar you’re sitting here eating my food

Iwaizumi: why are you guys even awake?

toeru: im help chi-chan with his homework, iwa-chan! like an amazing upperclassmen should~!

ehnoshitah: i asked you what the square root of 103 is and you told me to shut the fuck up

toeru: exactly do i look like a calculator to you

atsumoo: ye built like one tho

toeru: i

atsumoo: a whole ass square is what yer built

toeru: sumu-chan~?

toeru: you’re built like a tractor shut your mouth.

tobio: atsumu-san is built like HP DesignJet T530 Large Format Wireless Plotter Printer 5ZY62A#ABA

toeru: SKEJSKEKSL$

sho: OKAY THATS SENDING MEEESKKELSEAKE

yacht: A LAKS DLMAOOOOO

Iwaizumi: the spam is annoying but he’s built more like a Star Micronics 39461110 Model TSP143U GRY Thermal Printer, Cutter, USB Cable and Power Supply, Gray

atsumoo:

yacht:

kiyoko simp noya:

ehnoshitah:

ehnoshitah: he kinda is built like one tho...

kiyoko simp tanaka: BRUH WHY IS HE ACTUALLYKKSKXDKLE

atsumoo: YER SO RIGHT WHYKSKDKKE

naruto: YALLSKDKKEK

tobio: HE IS BUILT LIKE ONE...........

toeru: dooru and printsumu

sho: IM SCRWEMSINDJF

atsumoo: aint yall supposed to be doin yer homework

tobio: 

tadasheehee: your point is?

Iwaizumi: _if i get one more notification._

tobio: GOTTA BWAST

  
  
  


_toe cult_

_7:34 am_

  
  


tadasheehee: my eyes can barely stay awake.

toeru: make it make sense because that made no sense

toeru: but being honest i cant keep my eyes open either, because chi-chan is stupid

ehnoshitah: and you’re smart? 

toeru: a lot smarter than you for sure~!

Iwaizumi: i told you guys to sleep.

sho: we were doing homework iwaizumi-san.

kiyoko simp noya: at kages house because his parents let us take his food

tobio: you guys are gonna have to buy me more

kiyoko simp noya: with what money...

atsumoo: just heading to the store wit tobio-kun

osamoo: unfortunately

Iwaizumi: this early in the morning?

tobio: i gotta get the food somehow

asaheehee: just picking up used condoms

suga dooga do: AKSKSJE STOP EXPOSING ME

Daichi: asahi,,

sho: you guys never STOP LMAOOOO

atsumoo: thats wild...

osamoo: DRIVES STUPIDKSEKSKE

atsumoo: OHSHTRKKE

tobio: #($)EODO$(#$

Iwaizumi: oh.

osamoo: well lucky for ye i caught kageyama. yer welcome yer welcome

tobio: i didnt say thank you

sho: yk 

sho: i just have this feeling somebody’s jealous...

toeru: hmm! odd! i got the same feeling...

ehnoshitah: can you guys stop being homie sexual on main plz its making me very sad

toeru: chi-chan :( do you wanna talk?

ehnoshitah: plz,,,

the better kawa: enno is having a home sexual sad who hurt him

tobio: who did it i swear we just wanna talk

she aint runnin no more: ,,,

Iwaizumi: kiyoko?

she aint runnin no more: it wasnt me, like directly but...

tobio: oh

tobio: OHHHHHHHH man im so good at putting the pieces together

sho: and faster than me? what a revolution!!! wsp?

tobio: its a tanaka-san problem

toeru: let them work it out~~!!

toeru: MOVING ON!!!

Iwaizumi: im not jealous

toeru: BUT you’re really slow~

Iwaizumi: shut it

tobio: atsumu-san i can literally drive better than you

atsumoo: as if ye can drive

tobio: BET?

sho: KSKDKSLDSKS NOOOO

osamoo: ATSUMU

tobio: give me the keys

tobio: put yo seatbelts on

atsumu: pshhhh yolo

Iwaizumi: SKDKSDKSJD

osamoo: yall im shakin in the backseat rn is this the end of my life am i gonna die here

boobiebata: you’re so extra you’ll be fine samu.

osamoo: kazu if i die i love you a lot 

atsumoo: oikawa if i die i have a video of ye eatin an entire glizzy and ive sent it to the entire pretty setter squad and seijoh im sorry

Iwaizumi: THAT VIDEO IS GOLDDDKSKSLDSKE

the better kawa: GLIZZY GOBLER KAWAKSKKSSKDSKE

  
  


_the better kawa changed toeru’s name to ‘glizzygladiator420’_

  
  


glizzygladiator420: BRUH

hanamontana maki: gave that glizzy the gawk gawk super suckle blender duster vaccuum finish 6000

sho: LAMOSMOAOAOASSLLE

  
  


boobiebata: love you too samu but you’re not gonna die

tobio: guys get out of the car i literally stopped driving like 10 minutes ago

Iwaizumi: you tellin me they just sat in this still ass car 10 minutes after you stopped driving

tobio: YESSSS

sho: LAMOAOAASLSKKE

  
  


____

  
  


_seggsy arousing spiker ace + kuroo and watari squad_

  
  
  


iwaizaddy: why are kuroo and watari always the plus 2s

tetsurailme: we just quirky like that 

waterme: no

Sawamarry me: Bokuto added him and Kuroo just added Watari

koutarailme: boyfriend privileges <3

tetsurailme: watari has the funniest seijoh stories he obviously gets privileges

asahammer me: im down to hearing those

tanakass eater: DEADASS

Ushijuicyass: Kinda wanna hear them.

iwaizaddy: no

waterme: oikawa had a hajime hinata body pillow in his locker

iwaizaddy: KAkKASKLWAKLSW

tanakass eater: BROOOO MICHIMIYA HAD A NAGITO ONEEEE

waterme: iwaizumi once texted me a 4567 word paragraph about why and how he’d kiss kageyama

iwaizaddy: PLAKSK WAIT WE AGREED NOT TO TALK ABOUt THAT

Sawamarry me: AND YOU NEVER SHOWED IT TO US? WOWWWWWWW

osameat beater: LMAOAOASKDKSKDJSKEJSKE

tetsurailme: NASKKWKSJE MOOD???

tanakass eater: LMAOLSKSJS BRO WHAT DID IT SAYY

waterme: what do you think it said chile...

tetsurailme: YALL IWAIZUMI GOT HIS DICK LEAKED IN THE PRETTY SETTERS GC HAHAHAHHJSKSJE

iwaizaddy: NOOOOOO SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUTJSJSKDK

waterme: LEWASKSKSJE I REMEMBER tHT LMAOAOAKAKKSLE

tanakass eater: WHEN TDUDIDSID DID THSIS HAPPEN????

koutarailme: HIS YAWNS SOUND LIKE MOANS I KID YOU NOT ITS HOT ASFFF

Sawamarry me: oh no..

Ushijuicyass: His arms are nice.

tetsurailme: two words: RAIL ME

osameat beater: look i hate it here but iwaizumi pound my ass plz

koutarailme: 10 reasons why iwaizumi hajime should rail me, bokuto koutarou.

iwaizaddy: not this again

iwaizaddy: we’ve been over this

tanakass eater: ugh stop leading us on and ask him out already

iwaizaddy: stop leading ennoshita on and ask him out alread 

tanakass eater: well jokes on YOU

tanakass eater: ALREADY DID

iwaizaddy: DAMNIT

iwaizaddy: nope not doin it

Sawamarry me: plz just ask him out im tired

iwaizaddy: thats like me telling you to stop railing suga at 3 in the morning

Sawamarry me:

Sawamarry me: touché

tetsurailme: YALL LITERALLY NEVER STOPLDKSLSKDKEU

Ushijuicy: BRUH

tanakass eater: if i could get a approximate number of how many times yall have went at it, what would it be

asahammer me: 50

tanakass eater: SAY SIKE

iwaizaddy: 50??SKDSKLDSLE

Ushijuicy: 50??? IM ROTATING AROUND THE Y-AXIS.

osameat beater: IM LITERALLY PISSING MYSELF

Sawamarry me: actually approximately it’s 70 <3

iwaizaddy: IM LITERALLY TAP DANCING WHAHJTSKSSJK

Ushijuicy: I’M TAKING A WHOLE JOG WHAT?!

tetsurailme: bro yall must bone during class what the fuck

bite me: WOAH WOAH 70????

bite me: i entire this chatroom for the first time and acquire the knowledge that daichi has railed sugawara 70 times

iwaizaddy: KYOUJSKSKDKE

teruteru hanamura: WHAT IN THE HELLSKSKAJSKE

konohaha: PARDON ME

konohaha: EXCUSE ME???

konohaha: WHAT HAPPENED TO HELLO? HOW ARE YOU? MY NAME IS? WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT???

koutarailme: AKSKLQALSK BROOOOO

  
  


____

  
  


_pretty setters + kuroo and watari squad_

  
  


oikcuhwa: iwa-chan has given me some grueling information

tobio-chan: what?

refreshing-kun: ???

prettier than me-chan: which is?

oikcuhwa: how tf have you and dai-chan boned approximately 70 times??

refreshing-kun: OOP gotta go

tobio-chan: AYO WAIT

kodzuken: PARDON ME???

emo suga-chan: KAKSLSSKE PLZZZ

prettier than me-chan: im putting my phone down hate it here

tobio-chan: daichi-san is hot tho

watari-chan: OH?

tetsu-chan: OWO?

tobio-chan: it was one statement okay 

watari-chan: you writing this down.......

tetsu-chan: all documented boss 

________  
  
  
  


_toe cult_

  
  


not daishou: what is this

tsumu: SUNA

samu: SUNA

Iwaizumi: oh. 

kurhoe: EW

kurhoe: oh i thought you were daishou

Daishou: i am though

kurhoe: EW

Daishou: EW

tobio: what....................................

toeru: EWWWW NOT DAISHOU

Daishou: stay mad grandma knees 🙄‼️‼️

toeru: i

tobio: NOOOSKZJJWNNZMMA

Iwaizumi: DID NOT EXPECT THAT

kurhoe: JESUS

brokutoes: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

makki: knees broke XDDD

mattsun: blocked.

toeru: NOT THE XD

tobio: chile...

llamaguchi: wait arent we supposed to be at school...????

tsukki: fuck school

  
  


tobio:

shoyo:

llamaguchi:

toeru:

tobio: FUCK SCHOOL

shoyo: exactly who made school i dont understand jack SHIT up in there

Iwaizumi: ill see you at mcdonalds tsukishima.

toeru: kei-chan! thats so fucking stupid! <3

kurhoe: PLSSSKSKSKLSKE

Iwaizumi: but. i still have to go to my shitty starbucks job. gotta go you guys. DONT SHOW UP AT MY FUCKING JOB. bye

  
  


_Iwaizumi is offline_

  
  


tobio: guess we cant go mess around at starbucks?

kurhoe: nope we still can

tsumu: DID SOMEONE SAY STARBUCKS?

kurhoe: im going to pick up kags we’re gonna go fuck around with iwa

toeru: WE’RE GONNA GET OUR ASSES BEAT PLSSS

shoyo: kinky

kurhoe:

tsumu:

tobio:

tsukki: What?

samu: that- wow.

not daishou: WHATLSKKSKDS

lil yachty: but... iwaizumi-san is pretty hot....?

shoogah: no, he’s pretty AND hot

die: Here we go again.

kyle: ok but.. you cant actually lie. he’s hot

shoogah: KYLE????

kyle: its kiyoko stfu

tooru: okay the thing is that id-

tsumu: we’re here

tooru: I DIDNT EVEN FINISH

samu: i could be doing weed rn ugh

boobiebata: ?????

not daishou: tf do you mean

kituh: thats irresponsible osamu.

not daishou: S KDSJJSKJSE

shoyo: GAY

tooru: we’re gay.

shoyo: blocked

akaashi: dont? do weed?

samu: weed sounds pretty good rn

tsumu: KEIJI-KUN SAID DONT DO WEED STUPID

tobio: where even are you guys?

shoyo: yeah fr.

llamaguchi: im ordering a drink

tsukki:

tendou:

kurhoe:

brokutoes: WHY

teru: yamaguchi’s dressed up as brandon and im his hot gamer girlfriend rachel.

tobio: PLEASEEEEKSKSJSKE

teru: i persisted that YAMAGUCHI be rachel but no, here i am

llamaguchi: be quiet rachel

tooru: is it me or did they make the starbucks section bigger?

boobiebata: they did wtf?

tsukki: ISKJDSKDKSJDSKSJE

llamaguchi: NAWWW I DIPPED

tobio: WE RUNNIN NOW GOTTA GOOOO

teru: ONE OF MY BOOBIES FELL OUT HOLD UPPPP

shoyo: DROP THE ORANGES TERUSHIMA WE JUST GOT CAUGHT JESUS

watari: WE ALWAYS RUNNING MAN

kurhoe: NAH ITS SECURITY ANDDD IWA THIS TIME

brokutoes: STOP IS THIS MY AUDITION TO DUDE PERFECT

shoogah: shii im not turning around, just shoppin. just an old lady shoppin. just an old lady shoppin. just an old lady sho

shoogah: GAH DAYUM

kyle: NAH BC WHO YELLED OUT “SUGA CMON” ???? LIKE THEY REALLY LOOKED AT ME AND SAID “GET HA”

shoogah: YALL SNITCHES

tooru: im getting mcdonalds disguised as mattia

samu: TF?

tsumu: its not working 

not daishou: THEY FOUND ME NOOOOOOO

tsumu: SUNA NO

shoyo: ICAKS IC ANT BREA THE

tobio: SODJEJWHWHEEE WHEEZE HWEZE

shoyo: ugh we lost em. kinda hiding in the meat freezer

tooru: THE MEAT FREEZER?

shoogah: NAH BCKSlspe4-e-[4’4;;4l5994[;5l

kyle: OUUHHH SHIT HINATA LET ME IN STOP THEYGOT SUGA SECURITY GOT SUKCGFHA SPSLJSKSSOSPSSPSLSSPSLPSL

kyle: WHY IS WIWAUZIUMI SI FOAFAST HIANTA LEME ME IN

kyle: HSOE{“{:{]];;;’’

tobio: oop

tsumu: YALL WRONG FOR THAT

samu: YE LET HOMEGIRL DIE

shoyo: survival of the fittest. 

watari: im literally hiding on the bike racks its so high up and i think its gonna fall im scared im so scared

kurhoe: WE GOT INTO THE MEAT FREEZER

brokutoes: YEAHHHH

tooru: he’s literally right behind me lookinf gory yuug guys im shaking so badly psks hepl me if i run now hell know its me ibut if he founds oout irt sn me im just sas scerrwed

tooru: im gonna

tooru: slowly get up and walk away normally

tooru: walking awya,

tooru: walking

tooru: walking

tooru: HES STARIG AT ME

tsumu: oh my god we’re just watching this out of our peripheral vision

samu: ye googled that stop bc yer not james madison

tsumu: he was a foundin’ father you numbskull

tsumu: yer a fucking bigger idiot

samu: NO IM A WHOLE LOT SMARTHER THEN YE ARE

tsumu: SMARTHER? YE SPELLED THAT WRONG TOO YE IMBECILE.

tooru: SHUT UP

shoyo: wearesocoldsk

tobio: no pe ic ant stay here anymore im dipping 

shoyo: SIT DOWN

akaashi: oh my god

tsumu: HES LOOKING AT US

samu: we’re just the dolan twins.. nothing to see here...

tooru: ig ot a way i did it i

tooru: hE HIT ME WITH TA TOMATE AOD IND IMR UNINNING

watari: MY BIKE FELL

watari: I ALMOST DIED BUT IM MAKING A RBREAK FO IR IT SECUITTYRT GOUNF ME

shoyo: THEY INFULITRATED THE FERREZEZER THTGFEY GOT KAGEYAAMA

kurhoe: NOPE IM OUT

brokuto: EKDSK DONT LEABE MEEEE

teru: im hiding under as fucking display case crying

llamaguchi: IM IN THE BALL PIT THINGY

llamaguchi:I HAD TO SNEAK IN IT WAS SO FUCKIG DIFFCULT

tooru: FRECKLES-CHAN ELT ME IN LET ME LET ME IN PLS PLS PLS

llamaguchi: CLIMB IN YOurSELF I

shoyo: FUCIKSSL”EW{D{[‘;

llamaguchi: HINATA.

tooru: SHOYO PLSKSKS PH MY GOD SHOYO JUST RAN INTO THE BALL PIT IM RUNNIGNTHE OTHER WYA NOW

tooru: SHIT

tooru: SLE:{DDDNOOOO\\][[;lldldjj

llamaguchi: they got us.

shoyo: I COUDLDNT SEE WHEREI WAD GOIIGN

tobio: join the club i guess lmao

watari:ugh they caught yall too?

shoogah: shii who’s left???

tsumu: ugh they caught us bc we laughed at oikawa man..

samu: thats yer fault.

not daishou: we’re going to JAIL yall.


End file.
